Plain misery

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications 

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you    to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence  

[Petal22]

That’s great that you have some keen interests.

Im so glad to hear that you are self loving I think that’s very important.

I understand you strongly believe you are mis diagnosed you could take the steps to being diagnosed again if you wish.

I believe spiritually is a very beautiful thing.

Do you ever meditate?

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I just find that the U.S.A is for traditional values, and that their cultural sociology is connected to Biblical truth in the southern states of their country

I find Americans are more observational and socially reflective, and deeper cognitive or creative, I think you couldn't try to push for spiritual concepts, unless you were from Tennessee or Texas or somewhere like Kentucky

Plus the sadest thing is that my Millennial generation is different with modern values and secular and LGBQT, and I am more in differently firm with being traditional and religious, I have always been a misfit because I am deeply spiritual in a dis believing physical world 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

I can't like living in Australia, it's secular atheist scrutiny, and doesn't offer diversity of individualistic agenda

The U.S. is for traditional values, and that their cultural sociology is connected to Biblical belief, their more likely to be philosophical or with spiritual questioning, and that is absolutely my personality 

But I am not wanting to live in a foreign nationality which conforms American superioism over international inferioism, and makes me feel pressured to change my accent or terminology from say  mate to dude or anything else 

Also I am mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and now on a monthly injection, I am pre diabetic and without a gallbladder, I am stuck with involuntary order, and I am recommended to take medication for the remainder of my life, or for at least the next 5 years, than they can reduce the dose every couple of years, but it could take a decade or more to come off medication, I have had multiple tribunals and second reviews, and nothing works with me getting off their pharmaceutical meds, I am  too deep with my mis diagnosis, and they believe I am in denile or lack impairment with accepting it 

I have no career occupational sense, history or direction at 27 years old

[therising]

Hi Joe

I believe sometimes it can feel near impossible to find exactly what we're looking for spiritually, within our own country or even surrounding suburbs. Myself, I'm more about general spirituality rather than any specific practice, such as Christianity, Buddhism etc. I do believe just about every practice or religion offers facets of what is beautiful or is of guidance, by the way. Personally, I was raised Catholic before I came to explore what lies beyond Catholicism. While I have a couple of physical places I can go to, to get my fill of what inspires me spiritually, I find a majority of what supports my beliefs and practices to be online. There is a world of support online, that can inspire us to grow in a direction we feel soulfully. Do you have any online resources that you find to be inspirational, helping you grow/evolve in a number of ways, while heading in the most desirable direction? It can feel like a very lonely experience, believing in what you believe in without a lot of people around who share those beliefs. There can be little opportunity to share your philosophies and the joy behind what you believe in. On top of that, you can have a number of people around you who like to shut it all down, which can potentially become depressing at times.

I can relate to what you mean about spirituality inspiring philosophy. I think this is one of the reasons I love it so much. Spirituality tends to look beyond how things appear to be. At times it can inspire exploration, wonder, an opening of the mind and a greater connection to our feelings. It can promote exploring who we are in a deeper sense, beyond our mental and physical self.

You mention that you feel you're misdiagnosed with schizophrenia. How do you define what others label or perceive as schizophrenia?

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

My life is tragic, from the age of 8, I identified I was conservative with believing in the Bible, but always seeing  it as American culture

Since the age of 8 or 13, I heavily detached from my father, because his got different personality, values and nature, He was selfish, arrogant, extroverted, un communicative, un interested and introvertedly wishful

Since 12 to 18 I became bullied in high school for 6 years continuously, and than was bullied by two of those kids for an extra 5 years so 11 years in total 

I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia at 19, and got stuck on life treatment at 26, at 22 I got pre diabetes, and at 25 I had my gallbladder removed 

My mother was always treating me as special and immature, and she never was overly encouraging, she was pessimistic and a defeatist, whilst compassionate, communicative and a considerate mother, Still with never nurturing me to try further education, or with driving she didn't believe in me, She also never believed if you work hard with your passions, you could be rare to turn them into a occupational outlet 

I developed a strong sense for spirituality and felt connected to my doctors theorizing I have asperges, that       I don't agree with, which felt bothering, if true, but it's something out of myself, that is genuine that I know

I went through high school, skipping school and being a painful loner, I than graduated and had a father that never contributed or cared about my independent development with driving, He told me to catch the bus, and was always triggered by where to park a vehicle on his front property. I only achieved a license, because I used disability Centrelink pension, I don't want TAFE or entry casual or those industries, I was never given the esteem to conceive my possibility to even attempt something like University, As I grew older I felt Australia was to much with modern values, than conservative, with what works for me, I never knew how to buy a vehicle or had any help, I never had understanding how to find a rental accommodation or the money to pay it, I never had direction for suitable casual job's or economic favour, I never had friendship's, or knew where to find them, for meeting my interests and values, and I had two decades of bad experiences despite a serenity with recreational hobbies, I never had esteem without having a fresh set of friends

[Sophie_M]

Dear Joe the Innocent27
 
Thank you for your post this evening.  We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time recently, but we’re so pleased you have reached out to the supportive community. It is in moments like these, we like to offer a friendly ear to listen to these troubles and discuss any options or assistance that may be appropriate.
 
We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M
 
 

[therising]

Hi Joe

I believe a genuinely loving yet fearful mother can hold her child back in a number of ways. With the ability to feel for her child, she will feel her child's pain, their sense of defeat, their sense of rejection and so much more. Not wanting to feel her child's sufferance, she may stop her child from experiencing many of the things they may perhaps miss the mark on. The problem with this is 1) her child may suffer through a depressing lack of experience and 2) her child may miss the opportunities to both achieve and learn through mistakes. Her great love, compassion and empathy may prove to be her greatest gifts yet, at the same time, her greatest faults if not managed carefully. She may have to address managing her fears for the sake of her child. As a mum myself, I can tell you motherhood is fearful. Both my kids have helped me learn how to manage my fears for them.

A father who has been taught how to father through the wrong influence can be absent, neglectful and self serving. Through his own father, he may have been taught along the lines of 'I work hard all day. I deserve to come home to peace and quiet. I deserve to not have to do what I don't want to do (regarded as work outside of work). I deserve to be left alone. I deserve what I want, including not wanting to face the challenges my wife and children face'. So, all are left alone by him (to face their challenges), ignored by him (promoting his ignorance) and neglected by him. His wife may be left to parent largely alone. And if he believes his way is the right way, he will remain in a blissful ignorance while those around him suffer. He may be too arrogant and self serving to wake up. He remains asleep.

While a child pushes through and beyond his/her mother's fears and through and beyond his/her father's neglect, they raise themself. To largely raise our self is a great feat, one to be proud of. You've raised yourself to gain a license, to be a seeker of spirituality, to wonder and question a diagnosis, to live beyond bullying/abuse. I imagine there are many more ways in which you are raising yourself. Some of them may not be so obvious.

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

For the first time in my life, at the age of 27, I am concerned with my suicide or future tendencies.

At the age of 22, I had the conservative anxiety for wanting to have my driving independence and to work suitable entry job's, but I never had direction, for which entry jobs were a suitable fit for me, and      I wouldn't be fortunate with generational economic vacancies, especially because I am not interested in University or TAFE and planning on a bachelor degree, to make myself look better with employers.

At 19 I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which is too complex to explain, If I don't rock up to my  GP every month, I will be enforced to go to a local psych ward and be given a up'd dose of un wanted pharmaceutical meds. I have low self esteem, because all through high school from 12 to 18, I was experiencing bullying and was either a painful poeser or a loner, I continued to be friend two of those types of high school bullies for a extra 5 years, and it ruined my self esteem too. I don't get along with my father, because his arrogant, selfish, entitled, extroverted, ignorant, un communicative, and in considerate, and when I talk to my mother about him, she doesn't listen or acknowledge me without being triggered. 

[Joe_the_Innocent27]

What affected my self esteem

1) I was bullied in high school for 6 years by numerous people, and than be friended two opinionated toxic friends for an extra 5 years, So 11 years of the wrong people, They would say things to me like i'm fat, michael jackson, pale, anorexia, psycho. They also would say rock bottom, rank 1 virgin, hairy, wog, desperate, insecure, wedge, jealous, They would be passive aggressive, opinionated, comparing, secretive and intrusive

2) I was with a selfish, entitled, un communicative, ignorant, arrogant, and in considerate, in affectionate dead beat narcissistic father all my life, He was just a intolerant dick head. He ruined my psychology with being reflective or with my true individuality, and prevented me from creative exploration and regarding to my own intelligence, I am not financially dependent from him, living with him makes me fixate and lose confidence

3) I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and entrapped on life time anti psychotics, I developed pre diabetes and had my gallbladder taken out, I also have been prescribed un needed anti depressant and aniexty medication

[sbella02]

Joe_the_Innocent27,

Thank you for opening up to us here and I'd like to welcome you to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, how awful it must've been to endure 6 years of relentless insults and torment. It's heart-breaking to hear these kinds of stories, as it still shocks me how cruel some people can be, even after being bullied myself in primary school. 

Self-esteem is an interesting concept. It can fluctuate so greatly over the course of our lives, and it's understandable that the events you've described would have this kind of effect on you. Being surrounded by people who oppose, ridicule, challenge, or neglect what we say can really take a toll on our self-esteem. 

Are you in a position where you could or would feel comfortable having a chat to a GP, therapist, or psychologist about your experiences with low self-esteem? Hearing some professional advice on self-esteem management can make a big difference, and sometimes if we don't immediately click with somebody, it can be useful to change to a different professional. 

Do you have people who are close to you in your life who you would be able to trust and confide in? Having a good support network of people who love, care about, and value you can also be a great way of boosting your self-esteem. Depending on your age, there are also several extracurricular activities/clubs that you can explore to broaden your social network, if you're seeking ways to expand your close or extended circle.

In a short-term sense, positive affirmations can really do wonders for self-esteem, I've found. I've suffered with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember, and a lot of it for me stems from negative self-talk. Our words have great power, and the way we talk to and treat ourselves can drastically affect the way we view and value ourselves. For instance, replacing negative self-talk words like "I am strong, I am kind, I am worthy" seems like such a small and simple change, but you'd be surprised about how it can help grow our confidence. 

Take care of yourself, and please remember that we're here to support you if you need. 

All the best, SB