Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[Captain T]

My team are calling me in an hour. Petal22

I am trying really. 

[Petal22]

I know you are trying Captain T and I really applaud you for that ……. I can see how hard you are trying.

Im glad to hear your mental health team are calling you soon.

Its ok to call them and ask for more help when you need it, it shows courage and self awareness that you ask for more help.

When I was going through my mental health condition Id regularly call my mental health team when I thought I needed more help.

Our health professionals are more than happy to oblige.

Hang in there help is on the way.

[Captain T]

The call went ok. She is now ringing daily. I was mostly honest but I could be like this for 2 weeks until the medication starts to work. There is another medication that can be added if needed. Also if me nurse thinks I need another appointment with the psychiatrist it can be quickly arranged as an emergency.

Its good to know that there is back up but it doesn’t help me trying to survive until then

[Petal22]

That’s great Captain T that the mental health nurse is calling you daily.

Its great to know that there are still things that can happen to help you Captain T.

I understand we just “ want” things to happen for us now in this moment we want to feel better I understand I remember feeling that way.

You are enduring a marathon Captain T and you are winning every single day that you are persevering , the hard days are building you into your best self keep on enduring…good things come to those who wait.

Your future self is really going to thank you for not giving up.

Captain T have you thought about giving your best friend a call to say hello?

Maybe it could help you in the times you need your friend the most?

Remember you have things to look forward to……. Your beach trip is getting near ❤️🙏

[Captain T]

So far today seems a tiny little bit brighter. My world is still far from ok but at least I don’t have suicidal thoughts today

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

Thats great that you are having a brighter today. ☀️ 

You could do something nice for yourself.

Im so glad to hear your thoughts are becoming clearer today …….. 😊

Keep persevering 

[JustTam84]

Hi Captain T

Im sorry you are still struggling so hard. I’m not sure if this helps you, but sometimes when I can’t get out of my head, I like to lay in bed and binge watch Disney movies or happy things that can allow me to escape my head to rest my mind for a little while x

Always here x

[Captain T]

Will these dark thoughts ever go away? My life is going back to normal today as I’m off to work with my sore back. Hopefully it holds out for the day. I don’t need anymore pain. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Captain T,
 
We are sorry to hear that you are continuing to struggle with your “dark thoughts” despite your best efforts to get back into a normal routine. We would encourage you to maintain hope as you recently spoke of medication changes and stated that they will take a period of time (2 weeks) to “start to work”. If you do feel you are struggling more than you can tolerate, please reach out to your mentioned support nurse/ psychiatrist and let them know.  
 
Until then if you would like to talk about your “dark thoughts” and its effects, we are always here for you. Please remember it can help to talk through how you are feeling and our counselors are available 24/7, you can contact Beyond Blue either via phone  1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat.
 
The Suicide Callback Service is also a great service to contact when experiencing negative thoughts and urges, their supportive team of professionals can be accessed via Suicide Callback Service or by giving them a call on 1300 659 467.
 
Please remember that if you feel you are in danger or you do not feel safe, please call emergency services on 000.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

How was work today?

Im sorry to hear you hurt your back and that your thoughts are still dark.

Hopefully work was a good distraction for you today?

They will eventually lift Captain T ….. keep persevering 💪