Hi. Ive
hit rock bottom, I mean really rock bottom with Depression and anxiety and no life because of it. Im a male, turning 40 in a few months which I suspect its the big wake up call about all the problems I have to face and its overwhelming. Im really going through a serious breakdown and Im so so alone and unable to see what to do next, a life or future. A bit of backstory to show the major points of how I got here and struggling every hour to hold it together.
Undiagnosed with GAD, male, Australian growing up was hell,
anxiety attacks at school everyday, bullied ofc, extreme difficulty's making friends and a broken home all came crashing in my first real mental breakdown at 17. My father threw me out and I got on a plane in a broken haze to move in with my grandmother from perth to melbourne in 93. My life was destroyed from that point on and I fell into hiding, self blame ever since and cut myself off from family since. Instead of living a full life in my 20s and 30 Ive been here, under her protection as she is a widower and needed someone so.. this life has been just that, hiding, doing as little as I can to get by from fear. I watched friends I made in school grow up, meet girls, get married, have kids and get jobs and careers and I looked on in awe. But when they did have the family unit I started pushing away, cause I didnt want them to see the real me.
Ive no career training or real abilities I can use to get work, all my tafe and further education I put myself in are now all redundant. The only Time I did work professionally was as a webmaster in advertising for 2 years but that was horrific, the stress broke me again and they had to fire me. I didnt recover from that. that was about 5 years ago, and trying to stay on centerlink has been hell cause they dont understand or recognize they real help I need.
My grandmothers 88 and shes so worried and there might not be much time left, my mom is on dialysis 3 times a week and doesnt have long either and
I couldn't cope alone, even getting income, facing death again after losing a friend and girlfriend overseas last year Im just.. broken. Failed to begin a life. hitting 40, realizing ive been hording and hiding so so long and a dozen other serious problems hitting me all at once.
So I saw my GP yesterday and got onto antidepressants again, I have a referral to a physiologist but.. I dont think thats going to be near enough.
I need.. advise.. help.. no family or real friends left to rely on.
