Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla, wave to Mark and quirky and everyone,

I just thought I’d share a nice thing I’ve been practicing lately.
instead of saying sorry, we can say thankyou. To me it feels much nicer, to myself. And gratitude is one of those emotions that seems to promote help from the universe- god- whatever you perceive it to be.
cheers,

J*

[Matchy69]

Jstar like saying thankyou for sharing how you are really feeling.

[Guest_4643]

Thanks all.

Saw my GP earlier. He told me the continence people have my referral but it's on the wait list TO BE READ, NOT SEEN. What?! I was nearly crying I was so upset with this stuff, it's been 6+ weeks since he did the referral. I asked him to refer me to the lady who did my cyst removal surgery in 2018 because it says she deals with that stuff then he kept trying to say he didn't want to and she doesn't deal with that stuff, it says she does.

I'm so sick of this town. I'm in pain from my bladder and I also have stomach problems (yes thats my own fault with my awful diet), and now a sore jaw and headaches (which I told him about). He said if I'm in pain from the bladder, go to the emergency department. I said what are they gonna do? That's not an emergency.

Ugh, I give up. I give up trying and getting nowhere. I cancelled my appointments with him. My Psychiatrist is the only genuine one in this whole situation and he's interstate.

I'm beyond done.

[Matchy69]

Tayla I can hear the pain your words with you not getting anywhere medically.I know about waiting list and have been in pain while on them then suddenly a miracle happens and you get an appointment.if the pain is to much their is nothing wrong with going to the emergency at the hospital.I have done it and they did more test and gave me relief for the pain.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_1643]

HI all

That sounds really hard Tayla

Just a thought re cancelling an appointment - do u think it might give u a break to stop ur appointments or u might want them again? i'm hoping ur okay and just wandering if u might want to keep appointments there in case? and if it's not good it's a waste of time but there's a small chance it might help or he might have another idea?
all good if not.

sometimes it takes everything we have to keep safe, or to get through the day. If ur doing that, that's enough.
Going to hospital was maddening for me and it took me 3 weeks to get in. I can't believe how hard it was. I felt like they hated me and didn't want me there, but I heard every single person in the hospital say their experience had been the same - really hard to get in. It's really hectic and busy now. I know it's hard and u are trying with all ur might. I hope u find some ppl in ur town who are kinder and more supportive. Even if it's only one person.
We're always here despite being in different parts of Australia.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mark, Sleepy and others. I haven't felt like replying to anyone on the forums or even on Facebook which is nothing personal, I'm so depressed and suicidal. I'm not trying to sound like I'm the only one who has issues with mental and physical health, what I mean is how can it take over 6 weeks, and they haven't even read it? I don't mind waiting about 3 weeks but anything longer than that is ridiculous in my opinion, I don't mean to sound impatient but honestly.

This town sucks. The only thing I like is the scenery (walking tracks), bird life, and it's peaceful, that's all. Yes there's a couple of nice people even if you walk and they say hi but most are rude, in my opinion. I cancelled all of my appointments with my GP, kept the ones with my Psychologist and Psychiatrist. I was nearly crying and my GP didn't seem to care. I said I was in pain from my bladder and now headaches and jaw pain (I take something for that which goes away, not prescribed meds, just the usual stuff, probably can't mention it here), and he basically said "what do you want me to do about it?".

I said I asked him to refer me to the lady who did my cyst removal surgery in 2018, in the first place, then I would've been seen by now. At least she helped and has my history, although I wasn't on antidepressants then, but she knows everything else in terms of the cyst. He was rude about it but did it and he said "don't be surprised if she can't help either". He didn't say come back if I have any concerns or call or anything like that. There's more important things people go to ED for, and I'd be being a burden which I already am.

He hurries me up every time I see him even if I have a long or short appointment (I pay the same amount for either), stands there with the door open. I never see him or any other Doctor do that to other patients. There were these 2 ladies before me who took ages and he never rushed them. I feel discriminated. I've never had an issue with my GP, I just felt like he was rude and didn't care and like I'm wasting mine and his time, like I just shouldn't bother coming because I'm not welcome. That's how I felt, and how he made me feel. He didn't seem to care I was upset and in pain. That's why I cancelled them. I can't get until near the end of May, but I don't see the point of seeing him at all anyway. I can't be bothered getting another GP and all that rubbish.

I understand I'm not the only one struggling etc. I wish I was dead. I'm beyond done with everything.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Mb20lover, 

We're so sorry to hear about your recent visit to the GP. This sounds like a really awful and disheartening experience. We can imagine it would've felt very isolating and hurtful to hear such dismissive comments from your GP. Please know that these feelings of frustration and pain will pass and that there are many positive experiences yet to be had.  Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I understand your frustrations with your doctor.It is very hard finding one that takes you seriously.Being in pain is no fun and effects your mental health.You are not a burden and deserve to be treated just as much as anyone.We are here to support you and care about you.I know how tough you are doing it at the moment.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_1643]

HI Tayla

I've wrote a response a few times and deleted it because I feel really unsure how to help as mostly it hasn't really been helpful to you. I'm just wishing you well and hoping u find some peace

[Guest_4643]

Sleepy, it does help. I try to say thank you and show appreciation to you and others here. I'm sorry if I don't at times. I do take all the advice given to me by professionals and non professionals. Just because I don't post about it, doesn't mean I don't take it. I've done literally everything I can, it's not my fault if people won't help up here. I can't even join groups, before COVID also, and I'm never given an explanation as to why. I do say it's discrimination but they don't seem to care.

I'm not in a position to move at the moment, and I'm worried if I did, that things could be worse or the same, and then it would take time adjusting, etc. Yes there's a possibility things could be better but it just seems like it's me. Everything I do and say is wrong. I often feel judged even on here like people think "oh she's annoying, what does she have to be depressed, etc about? She's so negative, all she does is whinge" amongst other things.

It does help, you didn't need to delete your comments. But everything is different for everyone. Believe me I've tried everything I can, on and offline.

I understand my GP may have been having a bad & busy day but that was no reason for him to be rude. I also said I was feeling triggered by the girls in the waiting room with their friends (which is no one's fault, I just get triggered because I have none) & he just shrugged his shoulders basically saying "who cares?". No other GPs in that clinic or other clinics around are taking new patients. I tried to see a different GP there who also deals with mental health but he's not taking new patients either.

I just felt so unwanted and unwelcome in that session. I thought I was supposed to go to a GP with mental and physical concerns and they were meant to help, not be rude? Every other time he's been fine & I've had no issue. I don't understand all of a sudden. I feel judged. I feel like I'm just a burden wasting his & my time, like I shouldn't go there because I don't belong. I feel like I don't deserve help & I'm not gonna get it.

He could've at least said "I'm sorry to hear that" about me being triggered, & could at least contact the place he referred me to himself & say "she has mental health issues & she's in pain, it's affecting her, can you please hurry up & see her, or give her an appointment at least?".

I know I'm not the only one struggling mentally & physically & I'm not trying to sound selfish, impatient, etc. I just give up.