Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[white knight]

Hi again

Re: " was going ok until my GP said what he said. i haven't been able to get over it. i went there for help and he shouldn't have said that. most people would get over it but i can't."

Time is your friend. Many if us find it really hard to put obsessional events or thoughts in a bag and toss them in a river.

For us types there is no quick fix. Doctors are humans and although he shouldn't have said that...he was not in a good place himself. He had little patience. Every doctor has faults.

In respect to coping with life, you are struggling. Can I suggest, while you lie in bed, put some YouTube videos on. I suggest a man called Prem Rawat also known as Maharaji

Google

YouTube maharaji sunset

YouTube maharaji appreciate

YouTube maharaji the perfect instrument

And dozens more.

The best things in life are free.

A flower blooming, a new gathering nectar, feeding birds, watching a sunset...and gathering rocks to throw in the river...

TonyWK

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

I'm sorry to read that things are so difficult for you right now.

You are so blessed to have the friends you have here at BB (we are ALL blessed to have this space, IMHO 🙂

Mark and Tony have offerred some really useful thoughts to meditate on. And MM has offerred support and wisdom.

Bad things happen in life. Thats why we're all here, to share, in a safe space.

I think, if we can turn twds the positive, in whatever little ways we can, then we can be our own best friend.

Its a bit like that parable of the animal thats stuck in a deep well and can't get out. They have one friend and ally, a bird. The bird feels really helpless becos they can't get their friend out. But the animal says, please can you bring me a stone? So the bird does. Just a little stone. Again, and again and again the bird brings his friend a stone. And those stones pile up, until finally, the animal can stand on the pile of stones and scramble out of the deep well.

Here's a little stone for you to stand on today, from me.

You are a beautiful, kind, caring person Tayla. You deserve to think well of yourself, and to get to a place where you can enjoy life.

All the best on this beautiful day,

J*

[Guest_4643]

haven't felt like replying to any of the comments above but thanks i guess.

these meds are the worst ever, i feel like a monster - so depressed, so angry, sleeping my "life" (i don't have one) away. pushing people away. i just want to hide. i've always been so self conscious of the way i look - my skin, my body, what i wear (that i'm not girly enough so i don't really wear dresses, don't wear makeup, etc), my weight, just everything about me inside and out. i disgust myself.

i just want to curl up and die. i hate everything about me. i'm awful, disgusting and every other bad thing ever.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Tayla,

We're glad to see you reaching out and posting to the forums tonight, we know it can be such a difficult thing to do when you're feeling so low. It sounds like you're struggling with a lot of negative feelings around your worth, and understand that this must be really overwhelming to cope with. Do you think you'd feel comortable opening up to your GP about the side effects from this new medication? Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and the community is here to help offer as much support and advice as you need during this difficult time.

We'd also really encourage you to talk these feelings through, whether it's with the kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636), or friends at Lifeline (13 11 14), who are also available via webchat (7pm-midnight AEST) at: https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

Keep us updated whenever you feel up to it , and we hope you are able to reach out to someone tonight if you need to talk it through.  

[Guest_4643]

my GP is away and no one knows when he's coming back, i have mentioned that before. i feel like he doesn't really care anyway. the helplines don't help which i have also said.

[Guest_4643]

i have also been on this medication since March.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am sorry you are feeling so down and the medication is making you worst.This does happen and has happened to me in the past.see if you can send a msg to your phychiatrist and explain what you are experiencing and how they are effecting you and that you need an appointment urgently.You really deserve to be happy in your life.You always have the support of us on here.

Take care,

Mark.

[Boudica]

Hello Tayla,

Just wondering how you are going, as you've been quiet this week? No need to reply if you don't feel like it though

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Tay

I just wanted to pop in your thread and see how you're going, and I'm sorry to read you're not doing well. Sometimes it's hard to like ourselves, so maybe I can like you while you're finding it hard. You're a really lovely person who is so supportive on the forums, and you've been here for me many times. Sending you a giant hug, mate.

Katy

[Guest_4643]

hi all, been a while since i was on here. 

i no longer have a psychologist, i saw her (well on the phone) about 6 times, & we did no therapy. they were more concerned about money, told me they sent me a reminder to get another MHCP on may 21. they never sent anything. i saw my psychiatrist a few days ago (and have obviously seen him before that too), & he said that they didn't send him anything until may 24.

i called the telehealth company he works at & this lady was very rude, asking if he has done the referral. she didn't understand but apparently he did it. they told me what he wrote wasn't acceptable, & he said that's a load of crap (i agree).

i'm back on the very first meds i started on, still feeling depressed but i have my "ok" days. just staying up late & sleeping in late because i don't see the point of waking up & i have no life, i just want to hide. i'm more housebound apart from going for a walk or sometimes i might go get takeaway.

not much else to update on really. still feeling suicidal on & off.