Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Hi indigo,

That’s good to know that you found the summit good a couple of years ago. I just went and purchased it for the $67 (about $105 Australian) as I have a lot of other plans of things I want to start getting through in the coming weeks and was concerned I wouldn’t feel I had the time to see it. But I wish I’d read your post first which would have reminded me about the 24-48 hour option after it screens. I’m just really keen at the moment as I can feel my health turning around and I want to keep evolving in that direction. I have got great help from the targeted supplements I have from the naturopath. They have made a profound difference in my case because they have been specifically targeted to the medical condition I have. But I’m interested in the presentations in the summit on replacing supplementation with particular foods, as I feel I can’t afford the cost of ongoing supplements indefinitely. Though ironically I’ve just spent money to learn about that information 🤔🙈 I basically feel though that with a diverse, nutritious diet optimal health should be possible, along with an emotionally healthy life. In the last few months I have come off all the prescription medications I was on except the one for my liver. I would love to just be in the flow of life and healed as much as possible.

What I am finding at the moment is that because I am processing past trauma stuff my system is fluctuating between peace and anxiety and back again. I know this is because each time I release some trauma issue I have to come out of freeze and pass through the fight-or-flight response to reach equilibrium. I’m learning from experience that there is a wobbly time where this keeps happening until things stabilise. So even today I have had periods of anxiety and periods of peace that I can feel flowing through me. I’m learning ways of accessing the peace more readily, especially through the myofascial system. I am also practising distress tolerance for when the anxiety activates. It’s like it has a life of its own so I have to ride the waves and know everything is in flux. As I was literally born into significant stress and it’s all I knew growing up, I am very slowly learning that another reality can exist and how to inhabit it.

Thank you for the jumping on the bed suggestion 😂 That sounds like fun 🤩 I have been known to dance to some favourite music. I was watching a podcast interview I enjoyed with Peter Levine the other day and at the end of it he said he was going to go and jump on his trampoline after the interview 😂 I love that because he is in his mid 80s. It was on Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown podcast.

Thank you for your kind words. You are also a special lady and I am glad to have met you here too 🙏☺️

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

That is so great that you have been able to drop most of the meds you were on, that is already a big step and I have no doubt you will find the right combination of foods that work for you in returning to good health.

I guess the positive thing about purchasing the summit is that you can take your time working through the info and make notes for further research. I signed up and there are a few people who I am already familiar with and am on mailing list for a couple. Michael Greger is a good resource, he and a number of other doctors check all the latest studies and he reports on any significant findings in videos and blogs on his website Nutritional Facts. Brook Goldner is the doctor I told you about a couple of years ago who beat Lupus with the green smoothies (which I fell out of the habit of making but planning to get back to when I fix my vitamix). Neal Barnard is also someone I like to listen to in these type of summits. I am sure there are a few that you are familiar with like Dean Ornish, anyway it looks like a pretty good line up.

If you haven't already done so, one of the introduction videos that is available to watch at the moment is a documentary called Love over Money. It is about John Robbins who has always run this summit with his son Ocean (Ocean can be a bit over the top at times, just a heads up), but is not up to it at present. It is interesting and worth the time to watch.

That is funny about Peter Levine, perhaps that is one of the ways he likes to keep fit while having childlike fun at the same time, good for him, it shows you are never too old. I like to dance a bit too when I am listening to music, as a matter of fact, I have a dull preparation of veg job I need to do now, so I might put on a cd to take the attention away from it a bit.

Happy chocoholic weekend, I hope you are having a good one.

Hugs,

indigo 🐰💜🍬

[Eagle Ray]

Hi indigo,

Yes, I think purchasing the summit will work out for me as I’d like to digest (ha ha) the nutrition advice at my own leisure and you get the transcripts as well as the videos. I’ve already seen a bit of Ocean speaking and I see the bit over the top thing. It can be a presentation style that some people have. He seems a character though. I saw a bit of an interview (not from the summit) where he mentioned that his grandfather founded the Baskin-Robbins ice cream company. I look forward to seeing the summit anyway. Thank you for recommending the documentary, other speakers and resources. It’s all very interesting.

Having said I have dropped most meds, from lunch time Wednesday I had another hormonal crash and have felt horrific since then. I restarted the hormone medication out of desperation. I’m tolerating it so far at a low dose. I may need to be on it as I seem to get this massive instability that causes severe anxiety and depression. It feels almost unmanageable but I’m just hanging onto my sanity as best I can. I may have an hour or two here or there where I feel a bit better before plummeting again. In the past there was a continuous psychotic-like stream of intrusive thoughts, images, nightmares etc. Now the dark stuff is less present. I did have dark stuff come up in recent weeks but it always resolved into something healing. It is definitely hormonal, but I think there is trauma being processed too, including some heavy stuff that my system is only just able to begin dealing with now. I’ve realised the person who recently died who I was so close to has become like a split off part of myself in order to cope but also facilitate trauma healing. He is able to hold the trauma that I can’t and he is also the protector of my baby self. I cannot hold and care for my baby self but he can. I said to my psychologist recently I feel like I have Other Specified Dissociative Disorder which is like a less involved version of Dissociative Identity Disorder, without the dissociative amnesia. She agrees it could well be a split off part that’s become autonomous. I’m experiencing something called co-consciousness, so the part and myself remain co-conscious of one another rather than alters that operate independently and I have retained my core self. So at times it’s been pretty weird and I never thought I’d experience this. The psychosis-like tendencies that can develop in perimenopause are likely partly contributing to it. But it’s actually been really healing having this feeling of another presence, who feels part of a wider consciousness too, but it also my intrapsychic support. So I’m in strange new territory but it seems like how my system is naturally coping and the direction is towards healing. I just have to get through the awful hormonal crashes.

Sorry, I just wrote a lot! I hope you enjoyed your dinner. I’m about to get mine out of the oven. I hope you are enjoying the weekend too. I did catch up with a nice new friend this morning which was lovely. Being in the presence of a kind other person does alleviate the suffering at the moment and I think the hormone meds are starting to help.

Hugs and Happy Easter 🤗🐣

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

You really are being put through some unusual experiences at present, I imagine some of does feel quite weird.

I was thinking about when I went through menopause and I think what made a difference for me is that I have used soy products for years, like Bonsoy in my coffee, tofu and tempeh. There is a plant compound in soy that has similar name to estrogen and I think that had some effect as I didn't have a lot of the mood swings that are usually associated. It may be worth looking into.

Also wondering if you have tried growing sprouts and/or microgreens? They are packed with nutritional benefits, are easy to grow and are ready to eat in less than a week. Broccoli an Kale sprouts in particular are really nutritious. I have been a bit slack with my sprouting lately but I plan to get some gong this week.

Anyway, just wanted to mention those things while they were fresh in my mind.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Thanks indigo,

I know there were articles in the past on women in Japan getting through menopause well because of soy consumption. I have to be careful with it as it was a trigger when I had major histamine intolerance. Unfortunately the histamine intolerance has returned this morning with just eating breakfast being a trigger. I was just starting to improve with the hormonal headache of several days having disappeared. My system is extremely unstable. I either have too low oestrogen and feel horrendous, or it goes up and triggers a histamine reaction. I know the core instability links to trauma. The histamine intolerance is linked to mast cell activation which I know is connected with trauma in my body. The same post nasal drip and retching reaction happens when I approach certain trauma topics with my therapist. I threw up when talking to her on Monday when approaching a trauma topic. I know the whole thing is connected. Healing the trauma will have a healing effect on the hormonal balance, but what is hard is I’m now dealing with stuff so deep in memory I can’t directly access it, unlike other stuff that’s been more clearly conscious from an older age. The dissociation is how my system is coping. When I connect with what that process is doing for me it has a healing effect. Dissociation is often viewed as pathological but sometimes it’s part of the cure. In my case, the process seems to be supportive so I know I need to work intuitively with it in the direction of trauma resolution. My therapist was saying that as we go deeper we don’t always get to know the specific details of the trauma, but the body has its memory and so it’s possible to trust the body to release without the conscious thoughts/memories. This is what my body (and psyche through dissociative processes) is now trying to do.

Thanks for the suggestion of microgreens. That’s not something I’ve tried at home. I do eat a lot of kale and broccoli but haven’t tried the microgreen version.

Have you been able to get back into your garden in recent days? I hope the hamstring is fully healed.

Have a lovely Easter Sunday 🐣

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Where did that week go? I thought it had only been a couple of days since we last spoke.

Your body does make it difficult for you to feel better for an extended period of time. Ironically, soy is probably one of the things that might help you but your body can't tolerate it. I hope you have started to recover from the crash you were experiencing last week.

To answer your question, yes the hamstring is fully healed, but no I haven't got back to the garden due to the fickle weather this time of year. The days that have been good, I had other things to do, like shopping, cooking etc. and the days when I had time to get out there it was raining. I like my garden a lot, but not enough to get wet, for me there are few things more uncomfortable than doing things in wet clothes. I will try again this week.

I did however get my sprouts started. I have lots of options to choose from, this time I went with Broccoli, Kale, and Adzuki beans. I will start a different lot when they are close to being ready to eat in a day or two. Another favourite is sunflower sprouts, they are delicious on just about anything so I think they will be among the next group. If you decide to try sprouts or microgreens, there are 2 companies that I source from, Untamed Health and Mr Fothergills but there may be others on your side of Australia also. The Broccoli and Kale are the more expensive ones but you only use a tablespoon of seeds at a time and when you are only feeding yourself, the pack will last a few weeks and become more economically viable (especially if you buy them when there is a special going from Untamed Health, sometimes 30% off).

I have been watching the summit each day and there are few things that I don't already know about due to being plant based for 5 years, but it is still worth watching. You may find that some of the bonus material that usually comes with these summits may hold additional valuable info for you as well.

Before the summit began, I recognised the fact that I was not having enough sources of Omega 3's so have been trying to improve AHA intake and I have also been looking into the vegan form of Omega 3 from algae, if I can afford to, I may take that for a couple of months to give myself a boost in EPA and DHA and note what difference it makes. AHA, EPA and DHA are all talked about in the summit as an important part of body and brain function.

I hope you have had a good weekend ER, talk again soon.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hi indigo,

I'm glad the hamstring has fully healed. Fair enough regarding not wanting to garden in the rain. We've had rain here recently but today is sunny and beautiful. I enjoyed two walks, one to the post office and one to the supermarket.

That's great you have your sprouts started. Thank you for the tips about trying micro greens. I may try that at some point. Many years ago I grew my own veggies, often from seed, so I would have those little seedlings coming up. I had a bunch growing in egg cartons in the laundry! I was mad keen then and growing so many different things. I have a broken external roller shutter on my kitchen window at the moment, but when it's fixed I think it would be a good location for something like micro greens where they can get some light. Do you grow yours indoors or somewhere outdoors?

I haven't watched any of the summit yet so I am glad I purchased it and can watch later. I am definitely interested but have had other things going on, so I will be glad to watch later. I can let you know if I find anything of interest in bonus material. From memory I could select one bonus section for free and I know I selected the one that included menopause issues in it, given that's so relevant to me. It's great you are learning about ways of boosting Omega 3s.

I am well and truly recovering. I was heading into frightening territory with psychotic-like symptoms and starting to have trouble discerning real from unreal. The anxiety was just off the scale. Now thanks to the hormone meds I am basically normal. It is just unbelievable the difference. In fact I would say I feel grounded and happy. I will keep the meds at a low level to avoid the histamine reactivity which I only mildly got in the first few days anyway. I really seem to be getting the balance right this time. I saw the hormone specialist a few days ago and she advised staying on this lower dose as it will build up in my system anyway.

It has been interesting seeing the intrapsychic processes I have been going through that are trauma-related but manifesting in the context of altered brain function. When estradiol drops in the brain it can lead to altered glutamate expression and other neuronal effects and for some women this can lead to psychotic/schizophrenic-like symptoms. Recently these have happened in a largely healing way for me though in that the visions etc I've been receiving have been mostly self-healing. Even when dark elements emerged they would resolve. With previous hormonal changes everything was dark. I think the somatic work I've done with my psychologist has helped my system know how to self-heal. It has felt like my intrapsychic processes have been interacting with a wider consciousness field that's self-healing directed. Before things got really bad a week and a half ago I was actually very much in a healing phase, even though it was unusual. It's like my hormones just crashed to a new low which brought everything crashing down. I feel like I've learned a lot anyway.

I hope you have a lovely week ahead 🌼🤗 I'm heading off to the city to look after fluffy cat tomorrow. I hope you get some nice gardening weather 🌱☀️

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I hope you are having a lovely time with fluffy cat, I'm glad you were able to get yourself feeling better in time to enjoy it.

Both sprouts and micro greens can be grown inside, I am not sure how they would go being outside. I grow my sprouts in a multi level sprouter from A. Vogel (the one with the dome lid). I bought 2 of them when they had a 30% off sale a few years back which gives me 6 trays to work with. I'm afraid my sprouts didn't go well this time. The Kale didn't do anything and the adzuki started sprouting but also got a bit slimy. I did manage to get some broccoli though. I think the problem is twofold, my seeds are probably a bid old plus the temperature is a bit too cool this time of year. Ideally they like around 20-25 degrees so I missed my window. If there was heating in the house, it would probably be okay but I will get some new seed after winter and start them again. You can also grow micro greens in the sprouter because you can buy thin filters (like coffee filter) that are made to fit into the sprouter tray to stop the small seeds from falling through the holes. This gives the micro greens something to attach to when they start growing and you could even put a thin layer of coir in the tray as well. There are also micro green trays you can get, some that use soil or coir, which I have tried, but I actually prefer doing them in the sprouter. I think I may as well try my other seeds and see what grows since they are likely to be thrown out anyway when I get the fresh ones in a few months.

I realised when I was reading back over the previous posts that in the section talking about Omega 3's, that was meant to read ALA not AHA - two very different things ha ha. I have been adding some legumes more regularly and my gut seems a bit happier, just starting with small amounts so I don't upset the applecart. I think when I first introduced them, I probably didn't have the right bacteria to process them so the bloating and discomfort  put me off, plus I think I got a bit carried away with the amount I was having, so this time taking it a bit more easy.

It can be a fine line getting the balance right can't it? It's a real learning process to figure out what works best for your body.

My niece and nephew are going through a difficult time again. There were only 2 aunts left, me on their fathers side and Mary on their mothers side. Mary went into hospital feeling unwell, discovered she had stage 4 bowel cancer that had metastasised to her liver and passed away 5 weeks later. That's not even enough time to come to terms with the idea. Cancer seems to be a plague for our families, their mother and father, my mother and father, myself and now Mary. I just hope that we have seen the last of it.

Hoping you have a great week ER.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hello indigo,

I’m just back from time with fluffy cat. Yes, it was lovely to spend time with her. I took her on some walks with her special cat lead which she really enjoys. You can see how it really enlivens her getting out into the world and seeing things. She’s often quite playful afterwards.

Thank you for all the info about micro greens. It’s on the cooler side here for a while so perhaps not the best time to start any here. Maybe something for later spring with warmer temperatures. I’m glad at least you got some broccoli from the recent batch. I imagine they taste nutrient-dense. Do you feel like you are ingesting goodness as you eat them? I have been very aware in recent times how my body is responding to food and it definitely feels a kind of happy feeling when I eat the things that are most healthy and suited to me.

Yes, legumes can be a bit harsher on the gut. When my histamine intolerance was bad I couldn’t eat them. I’ve been able to have them again a bit and had a lunch yesterday that was a poke bowl with some beans in it. I find I can’t eat a lot of tomato either, but some pieces of fresh tomato are usually ok. Kale and sweet potato I think are my two favourite veggies. There is a place in the city that makes a delicious salad called a ‘power salad’ which has kale, broccoli, cauliflower, shredded cabbage and a few other veggies I can’t remember plus walnuts and a dash of maple syrup. So yummy 😋 

I’m really sorry to hear about Mary. That would have been a massive shock and so little time to adjust to the news. That’s so difficult for your niece and nephew. An aunty of mine died from bowel cancer. She’d had concerning symptoms for 6 months but put off going to the doctor so by the time she finally went it was terminal. I turned 50 recently and got the bowel screening test in the mail so did that about a week ago to be on the safe side. I hope your niece and nephew are going ok. It can become an incentive with your own health, can’t it, when you see what’s happened with family. I’m trying my best to change patterns that I saw in my parents so as not to have the same health outcomes.

I hope it’s a lovely week ahead for you indigo ☺️🤗

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I have just read your new post and rather than responding there, I wanted to respond to you here so others can give you their input.

Just wondering if you have considered the possibility that these new tests are giving you an opportunity to evaluate how you are going with setting boundaries with others. Perhaps your boundaries need a little more strength and this is a way of helping you to recognise that.

For example, the friend that was angry with others but was offloading on you. Perhaps in that moment, you need to find the strength to say "I understand that your anger is not actually directed at me, however, because it is a trigger for me that I am doing my best to heal from, it has a detrimental effect on me physically and psychologically and that is not ok". If this person is truly a friend they will understand and will try to avoid doing that going forward.

The other person you mentioned is clearly taking advantage of your kindness and I believe with all the work you have been doing with your healing, you have the strength to say no to resuming the friendship. The test is for you to believe you have that strength to say no. Look at how far you have come with this, at one time you had no boundaries at all.

You've got this ER, you just need to make your boundaries less permeable without losing your authentic self.

I hope this helps,

indigo 💜