Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I really hear you. I really get not wanting to do invasive treatments that interfere with the body more, especially surgically and chemically. I think each person has to listen in to what feels right for them. I think just how you feel within yourself about whatever you do has a profound bearing in and of itself on your health. If you feel more peaceful rather than stressed going in a particular direction, that is like biofeedback going into your system that creates more positive internal processes and outcomes.

I can relate to the spiritual component too. I've really been having that sense recently of the value of unconditional love and connecting to a wider consciousness. I've experienced the sense of being held in that love and I really feel it has the power to transmute energy in the body. Since discovering I'm a DID system, I've been able to see parts of myself much more clearly and actually love them, which I found so hard to do before. Even for those who are not living with the level of identity differentiation that DID entails, I think there still can be this capacity to love parts of self that didn't get tended to in the past, or still need additional support and care. And when that love flows freely from the heart, it really does actually have healing effects on the whole mind/body/spirit.

A few days ago I went for a walk in the woodland across the road. There had been some rain overnight and the forest smelt so fresh and fragrant. I was thinking about the practice of forest bathing that is popular in Japan (called shinrin-yoku). Japanese scientists have studied the effects of being immersed in a forest, and they've found that there are all these compounds released by the plants that when breathed in are boosting to the immune system and cancer-fighting cells. So even just immersion in such an environment can literally have healing effects in the body. I'm wondering if you have some nature places like that near you where you can just really be peaceful and absorb the atmosphere?

With regard to the costs of things going forward, I am wondering if at least some of the providers you go to may have something like a sliding scale where, given your diagnosis and ongoing treatment, they may be able to offer reduced rates?

I think it's good you have told your niece and her husband. Although I'm sure she'll have concern for you, I'm also sure she would rather know and be able to do some things to support you. Just knowing that someone else out there knows and cares can be really helpful in itself. I think the connections we feel with others literally are healing to the body too, as are our furry friends like your menagerie of cats 🐱💖

Sending you lots of love indigo💕

Hugs,

ER