Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I really hear you. I really get not wanting to do invasive treatments that interfere with the body more, especially surgically and chemically. I think each person has to listen in to what feels right for them. I think just how you feel within yourself about whatever you do has a profound bearing in and of itself on your health. If you feel more peaceful rather than stressed going in a particular direction, that is like biofeedback going into your system that creates more positive internal processes and outcomes.

I can relate to the spiritual component too. I've really been having that sense recently of the value of unconditional love and connecting to a wider consciousness. I've experienced the sense of being held in that love and I really feel it has the power to transmute energy in the body. Since discovering I'm a DID system, I've been able to see parts of myself much more clearly and actually love them, which I found so hard to do before. Even for those who are not living with the level of identity differentiation that DID entails, I think there still can be this capacity to love parts of self that didn't get tended to in the past, or still need additional support and care. And when that love flows freely from the heart, it really does actually have healing effects on the whole mind/body/spirit.

A few days ago I went for a walk in the woodland across the road. There had been some rain overnight and the forest smelt so fresh and fragrant. I was thinking about the practice of forest bathing that is popular in Japan (called shinrin-yoku). Japanese scientists have studied the effects of being immersed in a forest, and they've found that there are all these compounds released by the plants that when breathed in are boosting to the immune system and cancer-fighting cells. So even just immersion in such an environment can literally have healing effects in the body. I'm wondering if you have some nature places like that near you where you can just really be peaceful and absorb the atmosphere?

With regard to the costs of things going forward, I am wondering if at least some of the providers you go to may have something like a sliding scale where, given your diagnosis and ongoing treatment, they may be able to offer reduced rates?

I think it's good you have told your niece and her husband. Although I'm sure she'll have concern for you, I'm also sure she would rather know and be able to do some things to support you. Just knowing that someone else out there knows and cares can be really helpful in itself. I think the connections we feel with others literally are healing to the body too, as are our furry friends like your menagerie of cats 🐱💖

Sending you lots of love indigo💕

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER, @Croix,

Wow, this past month has been a whirlwind. Having further tests and working out a protocol with my naturopath has been full on. The doctor has done a set of blood tests so we know my baseline before starting treatment. He has agreed to support me through this by supplying any pain meds that may be needed and ordering a follow up CT in 4 months to see how the treatment is tracking. He also ordered a chest CT so we know what is in the lungs. I have 2 metastasis in the lower left lung and 1 in the upper right. The ones on the liver are not causing so much pain since I have been making a herbal tea mix of dandelion leaf, marshmallow leaf and nettle leaf (also recently added lemongrass to the mix). It settles any liver discomfort within a day, unfortunately doesn't help with the back pain which is also referred from the liver but I will take whatever relief I can get. The naturopath took a hair sample for a mineral analysis which should be ready by the end of the week, this will give us a more complete base line and will help the naturopath ascertain if there is any additional imbalance that needs to be addressed. I am doing ok but get very tired, need to sleep 10-11 hours just to get through the day but that will improve in time. I am so glad I have my fur family, even though some days it is exhausting, I wouldn't have it any other way. They are all sound asleep at the moment, one on my lap.

I am now on the full protocol, there are a number of things to remember so have put it all on a magnetic whiteboard on my fridge so I can tick it off until it becomes habit. This diagnosis has turned things upside down, mainly because it was so unexpected, but I am starting to right myself now and getting settled in for the long haul to recovery. My niece and nephew are helping with the cost of the medicines that I can't cover which is both extremely generous and a huge relief. I am on reishi, shiitake, miatake and turkey tail mushrooms in liquid form, high dose vitamin C with EGCG (extract from green tea), raw garlic, turmeric, ginger, CoQ10 and curcumin. If that lot doesn't make me healthier, nothing will. I recently experimented with making Kale Pesto, the first lot was a bit bland but the second lot turned out well, so that will be on the regular menu. Thought I would mention it since I know how much you like kale.

I hope you have been keeping well ER, sorry for the long delay in communication. Please let me know how you have been and any news you may have since we last spoke.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

I've been thinking of you and wondered how you are going. There is a lot going on for you there. Have you got the hair sample analysis results yet? I imagine feeling as much peace as you can will help your immune cells. It's so good you have your fur family there as I think that is something that really calms and supports the nervous system and immune system. Just having them co-regulating with you will be of benefit.

I can only imagine just how much the diagnosis has turned things upside down. But that feeling of righting your self is so important and helpful. I think when you feel more on top of things, or attuned with things, it feeds back into the body. I have found that somewhat myself, where when I feel more like I'm healing then I do actually experience healing effects. For me it's sort of a process of letting go and abiding with what my body needs. I've learned to listen to the body speaking to me, so if it says to rest I am learning to rest and not push through that. It sounds like you are doing this too and recognising the amount of rest the body actually needs. I have found the very simple act of just listening to the body is valuable guidance.

The kale pesto sounds great. It's certainly one of those superfoods. I have a big bunch of it in my fridge at the moment so you are giving me ideas for using it. I'm really glad your niece and nephew are giving you that financial support with medicines. It sounds like a helpful mix of things you are taking there.

My news is probably a bit much to explain in detail. I've had several stressful weeks relating to an issue with the strata property I live in. I had to act on it as it is both a moral/ethical and legal issue. It's led to resentment and even some bullying from others as a result. There were people who wanted certain things to remain hidden but I had to speak up once I became aware of the issue. I'm getting through it though and have spoken with relevant authorities for advice and also helplines for support. I'm doing a lot better now. But it's absolutely galvanised the decision that I have to move out of this place and town, and it's just going to take a bit of time to get that process together.

You are in my thoughts and my spirit is with you on your healing journey indigo. Remember to breathe through it all and send loving thoughts to yourself. Look for all those things that nurture you and bring you peace.

Sending much love and here to chat along the way if you need or wish to chat.

Warm hugs 💛

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I am sorry you have had a difficult time with your neighbours, I hope that things will settle down again so you have some peace while you are waiting for the opportunity to relocate. They sound like they are not particularly nice people to be around and being in close proximity would make it even more difficult to tolerate.

You have come such a long way, the personal power you have taken back since we have been communicating is impressive, it's so good to hear you are advocating for yourself so actively now. I'll be here when/if you need or want to talk about it.

I did get my hair analysis results back and there is a lot that is "out of whack". It showed, as I suspected, that I am sympathetic system dominant which of course puts pressure on the adrenals. I also have arsenic, not really high amount but enough to be playing havoc with my mineral balances. Low in calcium, copper, manganese, and a few others, and too high in some minerals. In order to balance things, my naturopath has stopped 3 of the supplements I was on and added 6 new ones. Have got half of them already and will get the rest this coming week. Between the cancer and mineral imbalances, I will be rattling when I walk for the next few months 😄.

I am getting the whole protocol down now so it is becoming habit but still need to refer to my whiteboard to make sure I haven't missed anything. I am still feeling tired every day but I feel there has been a slight improvement which should continue as things gradually come back into balance. She said it could take up to 6 months to rebalance everything and move the arsenic out of my system so will do a follow up hair analysis in 6 months time. I am looking forward to the day when my body feels 'normal' to me again, it's been a really long time since it has.

It's been quite strange weather here with cool days around 16 degrees but really high humidity consistently in the high 70's (in the 80's some days).

I hope you are having a lovely weekend.

Warm hugs to you too,

indigo 💜