Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Have you got your new hot water unit in?

Starting to improve now that it has been nearly 2 weeks, not quite as much tenderness and pulling when walking around.

I'm sorry to hear you have had another loss, it sounds like you were not all that close, but still a loss none the less. I hope you are okay. I imagine it would feel strange having that knowing, then waiting for a phone call to confirm.

Your precognition abilities are clearly one of your gifts, along with telepathy and soul connection, it makes me wonder if part of your purpose is in helping souls cross over. I imagine mediumship would also come quite naturally to you. Have you been given any indication of what you planned as your purpose here this time around? How is the healing coming along, are you making some progress? I am wondering too if you have seen your psych since this began and what her reaction to it is, I hope she has an open mind to these experiences.

I hope you have a lovely weekend ER.

Thinking of you, warm hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hi indigo,

I do have my new hot water unit. It wasn't working properly today so I had to call back the plumber. He took some things apart, did some adjustments, and now it seems to be good. There could have been some debris interfering though he's not 100% sure why it wasn't working.

I'm glad you are starting to improve. It is a good feeling when it is not so tender and has become more comfortable to move and walk around.

It was sort of strange having the knowing about the recent death, but it's happened to me before. 22 years ago I had a dramatic impact in my body while out on a walk. A strong grief/collapse state came over me for no apparent reason. I got home and was making lunch and the grief became unbearable. I then got a call from my mum saying an uncle had gone to hospital with kidney failure. A week later I woke in the night feeling like I was being crushed and was extremely ill. I felt like I was dying. I couldn't really move. Then after half an hour it dissipated. About 7am the next morning my dad called to say the same uncle had passed at the exact time the dying feeling dissipated from my body. So these are familiar feelings to me and I've got familiar when I'm feeling something coming from without as opposed to something coming from within, if that makes sense. It was a very similar feeling to what I've been experiencing recently. I don't know what these things mean in terms of any kind of purpose for me as such. I'm just trying to find my way. But the person I was deeply close to, I felt like I was helping him just before and after the death I felt in my body (very similar to the other deaths but the most powerful I've felt). I went through a whole lot of processing with him, probably too involved to try to explain here and possibly too way out for this forum. I have seen my psych and she is really good to talk to and also open to spiritual things so she has been supportive and present with what I have been going through. I'd love to communicate more about it and I know you would understand and be interested, but it feels almost too exposing and also not stuff that's readily accepted by a lot of people, so it doesn't feel entirely comfortable to try to discuss it in detail on a public forum.

But I can say that in the last 6 weeks I have had the most profound experiences and have never felt so connected. Despite the experience of loss I feel I've been opened up to dimensions I was previously aware of in a more distant way, but now they are just so present. I've had direct communications with my parents which have been very healing and really helped heal some grief that had still been troubling me. I've been on journeys in waking visions which I was familiar with from sound healing practice in the past, but recently they have been coming to me regularly in spontaneous ways. And all of it feels very self-healing, like everything is organically coming together and all sorts of past issues are resolving. I feel deeply supported and safe, both in the present but in even finding myself feeling supported in the spontaneous revisiting of past experiences that I had forgotten about where I felt very isolated and distressed at the time. It's like retrospective healing. I have gone from a place of feeling quite lonely and isolated to feeling supportive, unconditional love. It is really profound and emotional at times, in a good way. So, yes, I am definitely making progress and integrating these experiences.

I realised I forgot to answer your question about my trip to the city. It went well. My car got sorted. I checked out the area I was in as a possible future place to live. It has potential. But I also have realised I need to connect with people and community first before I move anywhere, rather than just move somewhere, if that makes sense. I'm in no position to move soon anyway. I feel a lot is up in the air at the moment and I need to stay put as I navigate various other things.

How are you going generally indigo? Are you continuing to feel some inspiration after recently connecting with wanting to really live fully again? I think so many of us get stuck in survival mode. It is truly wonderful to have that uplift of wanting to thrive and fully connect with life.

Thinking of you too and wishing you a lovely weekend as well 🙏🌼💛

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I am so happy for you that these experiences are having a positive effect on your psyche, you really do deserve to feel safe, supported and loved after all these years of not feeling that way. I totally understand that there are things you won't feel comfortable talking about here, but I am open to anything you feel you can share. I think it's wonderful that you have been able to connect with your parents, I hope that has brought you some peace of mind too.

Glad you got your hot water and car sorted, you will know when it is time to make a move, for now there is a lot to experience that would be hard to combine with a big life event like moving.

I am doing ok in general, but I am trying to figure out what learning to live again looks like, especially when my body lacks energy. So I think that might take a while to figure out along with some help from my psych.

I have just finished listening to a book called Brain Energy by Christopher M Palmer which I have found really helpful. He connects all kinds of mental and physical ill health with dysfunctional mitochondria and metabolism. He presents it in a way that is easy to grasp for the lay person and I am now doing some research on some of what he covers in the book. I will need to listen again and make some notes about what is relevant to me personally.

Another book I am now reading is Next Level Metabolism by Jade Teta. He talks about how everyone's body is different and requires a personal protocol that works for them, which is the reason most set diets don't work. He presents all of the things that can help with metabolism and mitochondrial function throughout the book and invites you to try different things to discover what works best for you.

So I think this will be my focus for the next little while to try and improve my energy levels as best I can. I have already identified a few things that I could be doing better to support my body. It's all a bit of learning curve, one that I hope pays off in the end.

There is another book I tried to listen to but I felt like my head was going to explode from all the complicated science that was being presented. I'm sure it would be a good listen for someone who has a background in biology, but that's not me 😅. That one is Mitochondria and the Future of Medicine by Lee Know. I may revisit it at a later date, but for now I need easy to digest information.

I hope your week is going well.

Warm hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hello indigo,

It was good to connect with my parents. I could sense my mum first and got to give her a hug (psychically). Then the same with my dad. It's like some kind of healing process. It has been a very unusual few weeks. It feels very real, but I think certain intrapsychic processes are unfolding in a wider field, if that makes sense. It's like I am in some kind of transitional space at the moment. Various things are seeking to resolve in me.

Yes, lacking energy does mean trying to configure a way of living that is manageable, while hopefully also finding some answers for the lack of energy. Those books you are reading all sound interesting, looking at mitochondria and metabolism. The liver disease I have is diagnosed via the presence of anti-mitochondrial antibodies and a feature is fatigue. So I am also trying to unravel the processes in my body that are associated with non-optimal mitochondrial functioning. I have read a bit about the role of insulin resistance recently which apparently can increase during perimenopause. I know the ketogenic diet is the way some people address that and I did start looking a bit into that, not necessarily to do it drastically but apply the principles.

I think all the different pieces of information you gather along the way can be helpful. I think for me I am realising that emotional healing is at the core of everything. I have been greatly helped by supplements from the naturopath that balanced my liver function and I am trying to eat healthily. But at the simplest level I have realised feeling safe and loved are the core components of health, because those things balance everything - the hormonal system, immune system and autonomic nervous system.

Our neighbours growing up adopted a baby boy from the hospital where they were working. He had terrible gastro issues and was very ill. It only took a short time after being brought home that his gut issues cleared up. He just needed to be loved and know he was safe. So I think when we can find feelings of love through meaningful connection we can actually heal ourselves. It's quite hard if we didn't get the love we needed in childhood, so that is what I am working on now and I'm finding it is a kind of opening up to a greater loving consciousness and that feeling of being held.

I hope you are having a lovely week too 🙏🤗

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I couldn't agree more, love and security would have to be the most basic requirements for us humans. Without those, life is much more difficult to navigate. I also think how much or how little we love ourselves plays a big role, i am still working on that as i know you are too.

I will give you a heads up about anything I discover from these books that may be helpful to you. And yes, the keto diet has been mentioned as one of the possible strategies.

As of Friday, I am officially one of the old farts, can't believe I made it to 65, I would really like to start going backwards from now on please 😉. 

I think my hamstring is good to go now, so planning on getting a bit of gardening done this week to catch up.

I hope you have had a lovely weekend and a good week ahead.

Sending kind thoughts and hugs your way,

indigo 💜

[Croix]

Dear Indigo, Er, Paws and all~

It amazes me the number of publications you read, listen to or view. While they may be what you have found personally helpful it might be good if others had a chance to judge for themselves too.

This is over and on top of the many resources endorsed and given in the main Beyond Blue website

References buried away in a person's thread probably wil not be read by all.

The is a thread called Helpful Books and Resources in which member can list their own reading.

The first post, by Kazzle, sets out the limits as these are not officially endorsed in any way and no links, not even from champs, should be used.

Care should be taken to emphasize this is your personal view, not Beyond Blue's, and that any reference materiel falls within the Guidelines of the Forum and if a subject is difficult a content warning should be given.

Never the less it gives others a chance to browse though what others are reading.

You folks might care to make contributions at times

Croix

[indigo22]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your input on this.

I had a conversation about books with Brent not long after I became a champ. I am not interested in wading through hundreds of posts about books. The way I would like to see it done, apparently is not currently possible so for now I have let it go. Perhaps I will revisit this at a later date, but for now I would rather talk about books I am reading with those who I think could benefit from them in my replies and I know ER also does this in her replies.

I'm afraid I haven't the time or the patience to wade through all those posts. I always let you know when I think something may interest you.

I hope you are easing back into posting again without too much fatigue, you definitely looked better last time we spoke.

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hello indigo and Croix,

Happy Birthday for Friday indigo! 🎉🎂🥳. I hope you had a lovely day. I turned 50 earlier this year and it is indeed a funny feeling hitting a milestone of sorts. I do think that in a way you can grow younger in spirit even if growing older in years. I have actually found this sort of happening in myself. I felt so much pressure on me as a child and like I had to be an adult before my time. I could never relax into feelings of safety either. But even just today I did some somatic processing with my psychologist and my body released some lifelong tension and I feel a kind of relief and peace tonight. So I do think the spirit can heal and it can actually leave you feeling rejuvenated or on the path to rejuvenation. What you were saying about wanting to really live and thrive now rather than survive seems like a really good sign to me that something positive and healing is happening in your spirit.

I’m glad your hamstring is good to go indigo and I hope you have a lovely week ahead too 🙏☺️

Croix, I don’t mind adding some books from time to time to the thread. I do understand what indigo is saying about maybe it is most helpful in the context of the thread already under discussion. But I do have some key books that have been really helpful for me and I could provide a mini summary at some point. My most helpful books have been about trauma processing which have had very direct practical application in my life. I’m an avid podcast listener too. So perhaps I can select the things I’ve found most directly helpful for mental health and add them from time to time. I know what I find helpful may be different from someone else, but if I give a bit of a summary about the book or other resource it might help others to know of it might resonate for them.

indigo, I still want to read the Avalon book. I have a few books on the go at the moment but I will get to it and I’ll let you know when I’ve read it. I’m also thinking of returning to a project from the past that didn’t get completed which will absorb me for the next 3 months if I undertake it. I’m suddenly feeling like I have the capacity to do things that felt impossible before, but also trying to make wise decisions about what to take on and not overdo things.

I hope you are both having a peaceful evening ☺️

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Hi again indigo,

I just saw an email that came in to me about the 2025 Food Revolution Summit Docuseries: Healthy People, Healthy Planet being screened through the Heart Mind Institute. With the books you are currently reading I thought it may be of interest. I’m interested to see it though I imagine like many of these things, it’s free if viewed live and you have an option to pay to access later. Always with these things I experience some level of information overload, but it does look interesting to me. There are many well qualified people from different fields speaking on many topics to do with health and nutrition. It’s April 23-30. As it is a documentary series I’m assuming it is all prerecorded but just being screened at certain times but I haven’t looked further to find out more yet.

I hope you are having a lovely day. It’s an absolutely beautiful autumn day here and I’m currently on a bench by the river.

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Sounds like you are in a lovely location, it's been a good day here too.

I watched that summit a couple of years ago and from memory it was quite good, I think it is a yearly summit but will have a look who is involved this year. If memory serves me, you get 24 or 48 hours to watch the episodes so you don't need to purchase unless you want to. I have watched a number of those long summits and at first I used to end up in brain overload as well. I have since learned the trick is to view the speakers and the subjects for the day and choose only the ones that interest you most. For me that equates to two or three at most which is usually manageable, sometimes it might only be one. Anyway, thank you for letting me know about it.

I am so pleased you were able to release some of that long held tension, it's like carrying boulders around on your back and when one is removed you can really feel the difference. The fact that you are even starting to think about revisiting a project that you could not continue with is an amazing leap forward. You sound so much more self assured of late and that is a wonderful thing to hear. As you are healing, be sure to allow yourself permission to do some of the things you missed out on as a child, whatever they might be, you deserve to experience them and it's never too late to do so. Just because you are an adult now, doesn't mean you can't jump on your bed if you want to, it is your bed after all 😅.

You are a special lady ER and I feel grateful that I have got to know you.

Hugs back at ya,

indigo 💜