Feeling ok & not ok

[Jo3]

Hey everyone

I really don't know what's going on.  The last week I have been doing okay, keeping busy, housework, gardening, walking, coffee with hubby down the street, sessions at the hospital - things look like they're okay.  But then I think okay if I am doing okay why aren't I much happier in my life.  And how happy should I be?

So why do I feel so sad.  I read a lot of people's issues on here and I feel really down.  I wish there was something that I could do more for these friends.  Reading about how much they are suffering, it makes me really sad. And I know we shouldn't take in others issues but it's too hard because I can relate to a lot of the posts on here.

I then thought before - so how long will my depression stay with me - will it stay with me forever and I will have good days and bad days. I guess the more work I do as in therapy the more I will feel better.

Jo

[Jo3]

Neil,

 I was on the phone to BB crying and then I read your post and you made me smile!!

 Abba is the only band and music that i can resonate with because of memories of my childhood with my cousin, we would dance ald sing abba all the time. that is a good memory, the only good memory that i have as a child. C'mon don't you like dancing queen or mamma mia???

 Neil, my anxiety is not good, can't stop crying. I just want to get away

 Jo

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo, 

Never apologise, we are here to be a place for venting, for letting frustrations loose.

Drinking may ease the pain temporarily, but it not a solution to this. You don't need alcoholism added to your list. Not to mention8n the social impact it can have on friends and how it can spiral out of control. Not to say it isn't ok to drink in moderation, occasionally, if medication allows. Just don't make it a habit. 

You know I used to think recovery was a straight line up too. That every day would be a little better. I have found that it is more like the line on a heart monitor. It goes up and down, and up a little bit, and down a little bit. Eventually there is less downs than ups, or the downs aren't as severe. But they will still happen. It sucks, I know. That's just how these things go.

Itis good to hear you have a few days off work. I would encourage you if you can, getting yourself to those outpatient programs though. You seem more positive on here, every time you have gone.  Even if you can just go and talk to some of the other patients, or therapists who run the program.

GA

[Jo3]

Hi GA

I know I need to go to the outpatient program tomorrow and Thursday. I do feel better when I go there and participate in the sessions and i know i have the support there from the professionals.

OK, no alcohol, from how I felt on Sunday I won't be drinking again.

I wasn't feeling too great lately but now I am actually looking forward to going tomorrow to the hospital.  

GA, I have been reading your posts - I am so glad you have spoken to your legal people and take their advice. 

 Take care GA, thinking of you

Jo xx

[CrashCoyote]

Dear Jo,

I am happy to hear you vent any time you'd like.

If you're worried about the neighbours thinking your scream could be something sinister, or a new song by Justin Bieber, just scream into a pillow. It does feel good.

Keep posting.

John. xx

[Jo3]

John

I have never screamed in a pillow, although I would love to try it.  Maybe tomorrow when no one is around.

I have now decided to go to the outpatient sessions tomorrow and Thursday. I always feel at ease when i am there, i dont know why; maybe it;s the great support i get from the staff and the other people there.

Maybe it's my safe zone, a place where if I feel like crying I can because everyone there understands.

John, I read in your thread the places where you are going on your trip, it sounds amazing. And to have your son with you is another fantastic thing, to spend quality time with lots of special memories for him as he grows up. He will remember the great time he had with you overseas. You must have a special bond with him which is so nice.

Oh by the way - my 21yr old son had his police entrance exam last Saturday.  Won't know results for 10 days.  I really hope he gets through, I know it's a real process to get in the police force but I feel he would be amazing. Fingers crossed,

Take care John, I'm going to miss your support while you're away.

Your friend

Jo xx