Hi Jo,
Good to hear you did have a good night the other night. As for the crash the next morning, there are a few explanations.
One is the alcohol. While whether ornot to drink alcohol is a choice we all decide on, depending on meds and what the night entails, I have heard that wine is espcially for the depressive crash afterwards. I enjoy wine myself, and had a few drinks of cider the other night, with no crash afterwards. Much like everything else, alcohol affects different people differently though.
Two is the general brain chemistry lotterywe play every morning when we wake up every morning. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose and the day is full of darkness for no absolute good reason. I don't have an answer as to how to fix that one, even on meds sometimes our heads just plunge into darker areas.
Third is that you expended alot of energy the night before, mask or not, and so the next day had a sort of happiness hangover. I had that once after a good n7ght in the hospital. I went from dancing and singing one night, free from the black cloud for a few hours with my new friend, to the next day just feeling pale and melancholy. Like nothing could have been as good as the night before.
I guess we always do that to ourselves though don't we? Tell ourselves things were better or worse than they were. Tell ourselves that things won't be like that again. The important thing to remember is that our mind lies to us, depression lies to us, tells us things won't ever change when they can. Depression beats us down so we can't listen to any other voice but its voice.
I also understand the frustration, fhe want to be stable and consistent, even if it is a low consistent. Better than mood swings right? I worry for you Jo. I hope you can fight of these thoughts, and if you can't please post to us here, or ring BB. Self harm is not a good place to be. I speak from experience.
I come before you, not as a role model but as a warning sign as what not to do with your life.
GA
