Do not feed the monster

[Emotions26]

I am struggling to understand this website and find my way around

I have replied to some people

I think that two champions replied to my first two posts

I do not know where they are now

I have supported several posts of others

I have replied to one person I think today

I am resonating with several posts in different areas but cannot remember where they are

I am literally lost within this website as well as within myself

I am working very hard at keeping the dreaded "D" at bay which I have battled with too many times.

I have had this since young apparently

I have had large gaps of time where I am mostly symptom free I think

The monster is the dreaded "d"

It is also a relative whom I have had to relinquish her hold over me.

I have only learnt about this stuff recently so struggle talking about it.

So I think of do not feed the monster as in do not think of her. Or do not feel guilty or upset or worry or a thousand other things

Also do not feed the dreaded "d" as it lurks waiting

I will not find this piece again

[Emotions26]

Hello Eagle Ray

I had read your reply some time ago on a rare occasion that I visited Beyond Blue

I felt that it was important for me to not try to understand what was going on in my mind as my mind was so busy already

How am I now?

Good question if I say so myself

Different definitely from how I was yet still working through things

This will be an ongoing journey in my own time for as long as it lasts or rather I continue to pursue

I have cut back on therapy sessions also

I am still not going out very much at all and am behind in medical appointments

I am where I am and currently not spinning around

How are you in yourself currently?

Have you been able to spend time on the forums and sense some relief?

As a valued contributor you know which people you feel most at ease with which would be of help

I cannot think what to say other than I hope that there has been some shifting in your symptoms 

Also that you can find joy in some things

Nature is still my best friend although the weather confines me to indoors mostly

Take care

Ems

[Emotions26]

Hello self

My depression might be back however it is different

I have tears now

No tears when in deep clinical or major or whatever the label is these days just numbness

now I have tears

Well that is good that means yes that I am leaking which is release

I am seeping

a gradual process

only because life as it does keeps on adding to the pile

So what part of this is fair then?

If a person already has depression or a mental health diagnosis if diagnosed of course; then why does the pile keep on being added to???

In today's world everything is monitored; assessed;categorised; accredited; as well as all of whatever

So when is enough enough?

No answer

Tears with depression I have never felt before....... only numbness in past..

now tears ...release of feelings buried, withheld; denied...

whatever it is that I am doing to help myself is working

There still is hope

Ems

ems

[mmMekitty]

Hello Ems,

Tears, yes, can be a part of our self-expression, part of healing, part of life. It's a human thing.

It took me decades to not deny them. Denying tears, the sign of my emotions, was something I did for literally decades.

Turns out it was unhealthy & unhelpful, & even meant I allowed myself to be in unsafe places with people who could easily hurt me.

First thing I had to learn was that my feelings were human, natural & normal.

Then, feeling are feelings, nothing more than that. 

Catch myself judging my feelings; it's like bullying myself to do that.

Acknowledge them, look at them, listen to them.

Accept them for being, just for existing.

Let them be what they are.

Damn that was hard to do.

It does indeed get easier. 

I think it's a way towards accepting myself.

I care for myself when I listen to my feelings.

Only last week, I suddenly had a feeling of missing Mekitty. It surprised me, but I did not puush the feelings away. I let them be, got some tissues & allowed the tears.

& I'm okay.

I'm sure you will be too.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty