Depression - life

[randomxx]

Hi to all.

Some will know l've had my ups and downs for sure but l wanted to start this as a new and separate thread bc the old one wound up all about gf ex.

Just for the most that won't know though and happen to drop in, l got rid of of my place 6mths back and went caravaning 51/2 mths, just couldn't deal with another place at the time and just felt like a bloody good break and rest first.

Wasn't sure how l'd feel about it but it wasn't bad and at times really nice just being free for a bit but later 50s there were also the worries of what to do when l get back. Well back now is too my other place it's not really that l had two houses the second one is just a country block with a cabin in a tiny town that l just rent out, never lived there. Well the tenant moved out so that's where l've come back to, l need to fix it up and sell it toward my new place.

This little town this whole thing , not doing me any good at all in this stage of life. l did have to get out of my other place don't regret it it had to be done but it's just been such a huge last 10yrs or so. Divorce and all thenlater on just broken up with later new gf now ex just last yr and now all this and here l am in this place- and then l'll be somewhere else to where l'm thinking of moving to, maybe even building . lf so it'll only be small and minimalist buttt, ldk

Just feel like total bs it's all too much and it's like what in the hell am l even doing especially here right now and at this age but ldk how else l could've done things.l had to get out of my last place, l have to be here to fix up this one and it's somewhere at least to stay, it'll be  a few mths.

Been coming here 20yrs keeping this place up and all the same people are still here couples been together and still here all that time and still sitting in their homes watching tv and doing their lives together.

The total opposite lives to mine and now l;m even single and here doing this and then wherever later restarting again andddd, it's all just sooooo, words l can't use here.

rx

[randomxx]

Hey er .

God l can't believe that with that local person, what a low act l'm really sorry to hear it. Sometimes l do not envy women at all with the fun and games go on, even for my d. They're a whole nother animal in the way friendships or just meeting ea other and in all the ways and politics , twists and tricks they seem to have.

Mind you , l did have a few entanglements went wrong in my old town early days but l thought to hell with it and they blew over, onward and upward.

That's nice to hear you getting home and of the sounds and nature that remind us why we are.

When l'd get home from Sydney l'd literally walk about the house singing ahhhhh, paradise. To see my beautiful monster poled bed again , yard and the trees , the chill of the house , it was always such a chill place. l do miss all those things for sure butttt.

Would not surprise with Perth at all , it's happening everywhere. l still remember the most beautiful climate Perth use to have. l even saw 42's in Nth Qld where ex w and l live for awhile, unheard of back then we couldn't of even been there it was often unbearable at the 32s it use to have but apparently 40's quite common there now.

I've been over checking out that block and area since Sat actually, still here now, wanted to spend some good time here. The blocks a no go though so that's to bed just some things l didn't like and the town, as gorgeous as it is, it's just too tiny. The area, my d and l use to come up here all the time but visiting is very different, you know. lt's all just as gorgeous as ever but from a living point of view hmmm, not gonna be going there. What few towns there are are all just tiny and the drive over to the main town l was thinking about, gees, quite a slog over to that through the hills. A gorgeous visiting drive but using it a few times a wk for necessity , no thanks.

l'm glad l've came though and it's been beautiful seeing it all again and to not be heading home again that night for once, having a nice holiday while l'm at it ha ha. Not really disappointed though bc l was worried about those thing before hand so l wasn't holding much hope anyway really. We'll just keep on visiting though l think.

ps, l write a lot of poetry and songs too, there's even a couple on the poetry thread. Funny thing while l'm away l was thinking about putting them all into a book but haven't even picked up a pen as yet.

u too, thx er

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hey rx,

Yes, I think it’s difficult if you are a woman or girl who dislikes gossip and you are around others who are into it. I’ve never felt comfortable with it, either as a child or adult. I remember at school that boys were more likely to have a fist fight or joke around and then seem to move on. Whereas girls could get very complex and involved in protracted drama. Having said that, I saw some boys be particularly cruel too at times, say to a boy who was seen as different for some reason. But they were often more direct in how they behaved, though it wasn’t nice to witness. I’ve well and truly got to the stage now that if someone is a gossiper I just find a way to move away and stay away from the person. Some of the people here who are into it are in their 70s and I think my goodness, this is schoolyard behaviour. So, anyway, I think you have to rise above and as you say, onwards and upwards.

Growing up in Perth they were hot summers, but it just seems much more persistent now. I remember there would be the odd day that got in the 40s, but before long it would be a few days dropping down to maybe the high 20s, then maybe some low 30s. But now the base level often stays 35 or higher for what seem to be longer stretches. Plus summer seems to extend both ways, making spring and autumn shorter. I read that by 2050 Perth is expected to have twice as many days over 35 than it has now. So things like that make me think maybe I’m better off down here. It sounds like similar things are happening up in Queensland as you say. The north here in WA has also been getting some record temperatures.

Well it’s good that you’ve checked out the block and got a feel for things. I think all those practical considerations are important such as the towns being too small and the drive to the main town being a slog. As you say, it’s beautiful as a tourist passing through but another thing to live that on a regular basis. I have some beautiful spots near me that I do appreciate, but I see them differently now that I live here. There are more scenic routes to get to the nearest big town, for example, but I take the highway that gets me there fastest. I’m often going there for things like groceries or appointments and I was doing voluntary work there for a while and it becomes about practicality. It’s great you can have a bit of a holiday there now. I’d love to visit that area there again one day and when I did think about moving to Geelong I thought it would be great for day trips.

That’s wonderful you write poetry and songs. It is a great way to express things isn’t it. I have noticed how some of the most poetic things I’ve read are in fact songs, that certain songwriters are poets who just merge the words with music. I think that would be fantastic to put your poems in a book. I know Tony here writes some good poetry. I should go revisit the poetry thread sometime. I remember writing some poems in the past as a way of getting out certain emotions and how that came before I started to really get into the songwriting. It was very therapeutic.

All the best rx,

er

[randomxx]

Yeah,Perth like the rest of the world , 2050s ha, try 2030s, sadly it's just changing so much so fast everywhere. Could see that coming 15yrs ago couldn't believe their silly conservative estimates, lack of comprehension. Sadly it'll just domino from here, snowball. Butttt eh, tbh, l don't get into it anymore it's just too damn frustrating and pointless, upsetting.

So anyway yep, anywhere cooler if we like the area, go for it l say we'll be doing ourselves a favor later.

Glad l've done this though too yaknow, it's just really put it to bed l'm already feeling much more settled about it all now althoughhhhhh, God it's just so beautiful up here, bloody shame buttttt, not in the mood for kidding myself anymore you know so.

You like writing hey nah me, l can't even bring myself to bother doing my book now only problem is l should though bc some of it is really good stuff. l'm not writing anymore though it's just another form of my art that just got into my head just too too much, that's one of the biggest reasons l quit art.l want peace especially between the ears ha ha,

My d was writing wrap for awhile my God her stuff was incredible problem was though same thing l noticed with her it was taking over and really bad on her MH so thank the Gods she got bored and moved on from it later on. Yeah Tony writes a lot doesn't he not to mention some of the great threads he does round here and help he provides.

rx

[randomxx]

Wouldn't believe one of the properties l found though, mannnnn, so hard to walk away.

Damn it , l must be strong right.

[Eagle Ray]

Hey rx, I guess just have a pause and a think re: the property. Maybe write down the pros and cons. If it’s around the same spot as the other one you will have those same issues you raised already. Perhaps reflect on future goals you may have and the factors that are most relevant to finding a place that fits in with those goals. The way I am at the moment I’m holding off on things, because I’m not clear enough about my future to make a clear decision about a place to live.

Yes, getting hotter as predicted. I agree that we can’t carry the weight of it on our shoulders as it’s too much. I think it’s just a case of doing the best we can and still finding ways to enjoy life. Humans can be very slow to adapt and have our heads in the sand about things we don’t want to face, until they get too big to ignore. At least a lot of people are kicking into action now like regenerative farmers, new technologies, corporations beginning to change practices etc.

Well I’m not sure I love writing on its own so much, though I’ve done it in the past like a form of therapy. I think writing songs is preferable to me as I really like the music component. My favourite poems, so to speak, are actually songs. It’s something about how emotion is carried in music. I love music from different cultures and have quite a few CDs in different languages, and it’s like you can often feel the emotion even without knowing the language. I’ve got CDs of music from parts of Africa, Indigenous Australia, Finland, Iran, French Canadian stuff, Japanese Ainu music etc. Sometimes when there are translations it’s really interesting because other languages can be poetic in unique ways not found in English. I agree it can be good to not go too much into your own head. But I think my favourite songwriters create songs that are like medicines in a way. They are not too inward but actually share something about the human condition that can be healing and uplifting. At the moment I’ve been listening to Tom Petty quite a bit who has a vast array of songs across quite a few styles. I guess I like songs with an uplifting quality. Some of his I love include You and I Will Meet Again, Learning to Fly (especially acoustic live versions) and Wildflowers. That’s awesome your daughter was writing rap songs, but I guess the subject matter can get heavy at times and I understand the need to take a break from it.

Yeah, I do appreciate the creativity that Tony shares with his poetry. It’s a gift from the heart to share your creativity with someone else. I wrote songs for both my parents, despite the challenges I had with them, because I always still had gratitude as well. I know it really meant a lot to both of them as they both had huge amounts of trauma and it was like they got some love and acknowledgment which they had so missed out on in life. It was very healing for me as well to do that.

I hope you’re having a good evening rx,

er

[randomxx]

Just had a thought ahhh, how is rap even spelt , or wrap ?

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

If it’s the music genre it is spelt rap. Whereas if it is to say wrap a present it has w. Some rap can certainly have heavy themes. I used to be into the band Arrested Development who were kind of lighter than some of the rap out there and I went to their concert when I was 18 which I loved.  It certainly can be an art form of its own. It’s impressive when people freestyle rap off the top of their head.

I’m having a tough night. I just called Lifeline. It’s not something anyone can help me much with. My hormone levels have crashed again since this afternoon and it plunges me into the worst anxiety and depression. I get strong side effects from the hormone medication so had to stop it a while ago, but I can usually tolerate it for a few days at least. So I’m going to take it before bed and it will likely make me feel better. Really stuck as I’ve tried so many options with this. I ended up downplaying things to the young woman I spoke to at Lifeline as I was worried I was freaking her out about her future, when in fact most women will not get symptoms as bad as I’m getting. Sorry for writing this here. Just so stuck and down. I have to remind myself things are in flux and do get better again.

 Hope your day has been good anyway rx. I’m going to take my meds now and hopefully sleep ok and wake up feeling better. I hope you sleep well and have a great day tomorrow.

er

[randomxx]

Yeah the music rap . Personally l can't stand 99% of it but l am right into eminem although, been trying to move away from it lately too- MH again. Luckily in that way l love music from across the board right down to gentle ballad stuff and over the last few yrs, like those other things it's just been better for my MH easing up on some lyrics styles. D's stuff though man, it was up there. Typical d though she can do anything, she's one very clever cookie,.

But nah, as l was saying l'm not even looking property atm either, my nose just stumbles over it. That 2nd one l found hidden away while just walking through that same town where that block was. So ofc the 2nd place still leaves all the same locality problems of the 1st one anyway. But man, what v v v cool place the 2nd one, very unique , but yet cheap too it just needed a really good tidy up.

Anyway, l must forget it ha ha.

You are right on the bright side though of things going on especially within communities climate change wise so many are cleaning up their acts now and their local environments, really nice to see.

Just read the second one and damn, v sorry to hear that er. Gf ex had many problems sound very similar from her meds too and just to top off her usual problems.l'd see huge differences and changes in her but she'd never listen.

lt's time you started a thread er , where you can get support and mingle with others going through similar.

Hang in.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Thanks rx,

Have you seen the Kasey Chambers live cover of Eminem’s Lose Yourself? Her and her band do a shredding version of it. Starts out bluegrass, ends up hardcore. I do get how it can be heavy for MH though so might not be the best thing to listen to right now. Sometimes I find if I’m really troubled that troubled music actually sort of helps me in a cathartic way. I find Evanescence really good for that. But only for so long and then there’s a need to change the energy up again. I love that your daughter has those talents. Being creative is just so good for us I think in whatever form is right for us at the time.

Even if you see a property that you know is really not the right one to buy, I think there’s something about the journey of exploring the options in itself that can be an enjoyable adventure. So just stumbling upon something out on a walk like you did is like part of that adventure. I’ve heard of people unexpectedly seeing a property they love just while visiting a town or area where they had no intention of buying in, and all of a sudden they fall in love with it and find themselves signing the papers and starting a whole new life.

Yeah, it sucks I feel lousy again but I won’t keep writing about that topic here. I did write in a thread relevant to it last night. Slightly better this morning but still have the anxiety. I can at least look at it sort of objectively though.

There was a beautiful sun shower here this morning with a rainbow just after sunrise. The light was stunning and I thought I should have been out there with my camera capturing it, like from the beach or the river. I need to get back into my photography.

Have a great day rx

[randomxx]

No worries about that one l've got 5 or 6 days of just nothing now on a beautiful lake with grass and fires, came back to this spot yesterday let easter madness blow over. Haven't finished with the area yet there's more l wanna check out l wanna b 100% certain that second place and gorgeous town is a def' no go.

D came over to my new spot yesterday arvo once l set up here . lt's only 70k over from our old house - but hwy easy drive. Was so plsd she came.

You got your sunshower hey how cool and it just so happens we got the most beautiful storm here few hrs after she got here. We went stood on the lake banks put our arms out and tried to fly in 90k winds was the best. Then the lightening started so we headed in. Best storm we've caught and in a place like this of all places, in yrs. lt was 30 and calm and sunny 20mins earlier.

lose yourself, kidding , my fav song. Casey , of all people though, couldn't even imagine that one- dunno if l wanna hear or not.

At any rate yeah just thought a thread would help you out , dk. Any l've started tbh l often end up thinking l'm better off not but in your case, and a lot of others, well ldk.

GF ex called today , speaking of, she is worse , for sure . But centrelink problems are also always stressing her out too and right on que she gets the typical dirty easter holiday email from em with all the threats and bla bla bla. So as per usual, they have now tripped things for her just in time for easter. Poor bugger.

Anywayssss.

Try and have a nice one hey.

rx