Things have been going so bad for me lately. I am autistic and I have adhd. Also a crap tonn of trauma (and probably ptsd) from growing up in an emotionally unavailable and abusive household.
Idk what to do anymore. I am currently living with my mother. We have very bad fights like all the time. She takes a lot of my emotions personally, says that I am constantly (verbally) attacking and terrorising her (not true) etc. She even called me an abuser when I tried to pack my bags and leave. Said a bunch of stuff like "you can't do this to me" etc. I don't understand what I am doing wrong anymore. I just wanna live my life in peace.
Yesterday I had a bad meltdown (which lead to me having a horrible fight with my mum again and
i ended up having a panic attack) cause I honestly i can't handle this shit anymore. I have no money, no car/licence no job, no luck and no energy to get a job. And my plans to go to uni where ruined by absolutely horrible burnout. This is not how i planned things to go.
I feel stuck, idk what to do. I even tried contacting the beyond blue counciling and that didn't work cause there was a point where it stopped sending my messages rendering the whole thing
useless. I have no money for a therapist. I don't have anyone to talk to. And I can't talk to my mother cause she will just yell at me again.
I honestly just wanna leave and never speak with my mother again. I did that with my father who was a narcissist. But thats not really an option right now as I have no job or money and nowhere to go. I also still wanna go to uni and if I do that I will have to
give up on that.
Honestly with how bad things have been going for me i
genually think I shouldn't even be alife at this point.
Idk what do I do? How do I help myself? I feel so tired and alone.
