Depression - life

[randomxx]

Hi to all.

Some will know l've had my ups and downs for sure but l wanted to start this as a new and separate thread bc the old one wound up all about gf ex.

Just for the most that won't know though and happen to drop in, l got rid of of my place 6mths back and went caravaning 51/2 mths, just couldn't deal with another place at the time and just felt like a bloody good break and rest first.

Wasn't sure how l'd feel about it but it wasn't bad and at times really nice just being free for a bit but later 50s there were also the worries of what to do when l get back. Well back now is too my other place it's not really that l had two houses the second one is just a country block with a cabin in a tiny town that l just rent out, never lived there. Well the tenant moved out so that's where l've come back to, l need to fix it up and sell it toward my new place.

This little town this whole thing , not doing me any good at all in this stage of life. l did have to get out of my other place don't regret it it had to be done but it's just been such a huge last 10yrs or so. Divorce and all thenlater on just broken up with later new gf now ex just last yr and now all this and here l am in this place- and then l'll be somewhere else to where l'm thinking of moving to, maybe even building . lf so it'll only be small and minimalist buttt, ldk

Just feel like total bs it's all too much and it's like what in the hell am l even doing especially here right now and at this age but ldk how else l could've done things.l had to get out of my last place, l have to be here to fix up this one and it's somewhere at least to stay, it'll be  a few mths.

Been coming here 20yrs keeping this place up and all the same people are still here couples been together and still here all that time and still sitting in their homes watching tv and doing their lives together.

The total opposite lives to mine and now l;m even single and here doing this and then wherever later restarting again andddd, it's all just sooooo, words l can't use here.

rx

[randomxx]

Yeah , the soul destroying part of things was the problem with my old place, in any permanent thing. While there was a real depth within the house itself and within def' the surrounds and land outside, even the yards , with it's Aboriginal history, the town itself, the people, there was just no depth for me.

The people were nice enough but l always knew they weren't my people and after 8yrs there was still just no depth . l mean don't get me wrong l'm a very private person but there should've at least been a friend or two by now. Felt like it'd never change and nothing ever did change or within the town itself either. Even gf now ex, met her in Melb not there.

Idea was to stay until my d had grown up , l'm prob repeating from first posts don't remember but anyway yeah, if we wanted to stay later and liked it there, was happy, l would but yeah, as beautiful as the living within our house and surrounds was- 8 yrs though and that was still pretty well it.lt was like if l stay then that'll be it.

l'd rather tbh , be in your shoes still there still loving our house, it was a bloody tough decision but that'd also be one hell of a gamble to maybe things there would never have changed . l shouldn't feel soul destroying though l should feel peace and calm right , contentment , sooooo.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx and therising,

rx, I relate to the feeling of not finding connection in your last town. I think wanting to change things up after 8 years is understandable. I’ve been here 3 years and have really struggled to connect. It’s a place with beautiful surrounds and I think I thought things would fall into place after moving here. But it really hasn’t worked out that way.

I think what’s hard for you at the moment is a number of things are in limbo, such as the future of relationships and where you’re going to live. Feeling a bit unsettled is normal when there’s a few uncertainties. The only suggestion I can make based on what I’m trying to figure out myself, is to just keep feeling your way. Trust your intuition and see if you can enjoy being in the moment too. I’ve had the intuition to reconnect with some people from my past, so that is my current lead, so to speak, and see where that goes.

I’ve been in a pretty unusual state the last few weeks, but during that time I’ve had quite a few intuitions, even visions of things come to me, like inner guidance. I’m trying to listen to that as I think we do have inner knowledge about ourselves and what might be good directions to follow. I don’t know if just trying to visualise what you would like for the future would help, or not even so much try but just allow your unconscious to bring forth some thoughts, ideas, visions for the future? I have learned that there is a conscious part of me always trying to work things out and think things through. But there’s also an unconscious or subconscious part that is more intuitive and connects with my heart and what feels right. This intuitive part often has a pretty good sense of how to go forward, while my conscious, rationalising brain that thinks a lot tends to be overly analytical. Sometimes coming back to the guidance of my intuition really helps.

That probably sounds like a total ramble - ha ha. But I’m realising for myself anyway that I think things work out better when I relax into my intuition rather than mentally go over and over things at a conscious level, if that makes any sense? It’s kind of trusting things will unfold in a good way if we stay connected to our heart and what matters to us.

I hope you, and the rising too, have a lovely day today.

ER

[randomxx]

Hi there er.

Nope not a ramble at all we've talked about all that l think earlier and yeah that's how it goes my problem there though is atm l don't really feel much- l usually do, so atm l'm just doing my thing and waiting. lt will come when it does.

l'll be done here in wk or two thk God, ahhhh. lt's getting bloody hard staying apart from my d and catching up with a few others.  Know what l'm doing next and then we shall take it from there but first and foremost, getoutahere lol.

3yrs eh hmmm. Now l don't wanna influence anything here ok that's not what l'm saying and everyone and situation is different buttttt. Yeppa, unfortunately l had all the same vibe back at 3yrs,, actually talked about it right here at bb.Everyone said once you and your d are done, get outa there ummmm, they were right l'm afraid and so was my gut.

But eh it did it's job and on the bright side it was also very nice living too l made sure of that and to enjoy it's specialness sooo.

ps, weirdly , l did actually meet someone there, just before l left. Butttt, she had kids and pets and she was v settled so l didn't even bother starting anything.

Anyway, good luck with everything hey.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hey rx,

I have a kind of blank feeling at times too where I don’t really feel much. I’m not sure if it’s the same, but for me that usually turns out to be another stage in the process of figuring things out and I just need to be in that less clear space for a while before a new sense of direction or focus comes along.

Yes, I think you’re probably on the right track regarding the 3 years in that I very much expect I’ll feel the same here in another 3 years. Tomorrow I’m heading up to the city again where I’ll get some mechanical work done on my car. But I’m also staying in an area I’m thinking about moving to, just to check it out. I don’t think I can try to move from here until I have a much clearer sense of where I might be going. I’m realising how important people and relationships are in the equation too. It’s not just about finding another place to live but the connections with people I have. This is what is prompting me to reconnect with people as I know connections with people will be a guiding light going forward. I’m learning to sense into who to reconnect with and having much more courage to reach out into the world than I used to. I’ve been quite passive a lot in my life in terms of making connections and I’m starting to feel a greater capacity to reach out and connect. It’s like I’m breaking through some barriers within myself.

It sounds like the person you met in your last town was in a more settled place and you were ready to move on. It sure is hard meeting someone else at the right stage in your life and their life. We can meet people and feel the potential of connection but be in different stages and situations and they don’t always align. Anyway, best of luck to you too. I think just stay open to things and see what unfolds.

All the very best,

ER

[therising]

Hi Eagle Ray and Rx

The amount of times I thought 'What the hell is this feeling about?' I've lost count of. And the amount of times intuition has thankfully chimed in with the answer or some form of guidance is something I've also lost count of. It comes, hey, eventually. Sometimes not soon enough.

I think, when intuition speaks to us, it's not always about what we want to hear, like stuff along the lines of 'The next step is going to be hard but you know you have to take that step if you want things to change' or 'If you want to graduate to becoming more conscious, you may need to do a deep dive into the stuff you don't want to necessarily face'. So easy to argue with intuition even when you know it's right, when the initial tough steps and hard work are going to take you in the best direction. I smile when I say that if my intuition was a person sitting opposite me, its typical mannerisms would appear as it rolling it's eyes, smacking it's forehead in frustration and shaking its head in disbelief while saying 'You are such an incredibly frustrating person to work with at times' 😁

Eagle Ray, with you mentioning limbo, it's definitely a tough place to be at times, hey. Not a fan of the 'in between'. We're not the person we used to be and we're not yet the person we're going to be. A solid sense of identity can feel elusive. Sometimes I wish I clearly knew who I'm going to be, this way I could start working towards it. Occasionally, it can feel like 'This'll do for now; I'll be this kind of person in the meantime, someone who kinda coasts along waiting for a sign to lead me in the right direction'. Of course, taking action is far more productive than waiting. Perhaps the challenge involves exercising tapping into the seer in us more often, something you've been practicing yourself. Any tips?

[randomxx]

Thanks er , and yeah l know your sussing it all out, it's a good way to go and to catch up with friends while your at it too.

Maybe you can just go back and forth for awhile whenever you feel like it, enjoy yourself and take it from there.

Servo girl we were calling her in my other thread ha ha.But yeah, situations and timings, sometimes , they just don't align.

l was just about to leave too but once l found out her situation nah,  no way she'd be taking off anywhere anytime soon but probably never be leaving that town either so , yaknow.

Have a nice time down town hey.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi therising and rx,

Therising, I can only really say what is helping me in terms of getting in touch with the seer. At the moment I’m quite sensitive to it as I’ve been going through a grieving process the last few weeks which I think is just very sensitising in its very nature. But what is happening is I’m finding that just really letting go and being open to experience and not trying to mentally control or solve anything is what is opening me up to intuition/greater consciousness or whatever it might be called. It’s like I’m letting consciousness work through me rather than me trying to direct anything. Late yesterday I got caught in thought spirals again and went down various rabbit holes, and the consequence was I became depressed. I’ve really started to see how the seeds of depression begin. It really is in our mind and body becoming reactive to something unresolved in us. Before I know it I’ve got caught up in my own reactions and thoughts and I’m weighed down in a kind of loop. But today has been different. I had a lot of grief this morning but I just let it bubble up and I cried quite a lot. I just let the emotions be expressed. And then for the rest of today I have felt quite connected, like healing energy is working through me. What I have learned is innate healing processes will unfold if we just allow them. And as these processes unfold intuitions come to me about potential things to follow in the future - people to connect with, creative projects I can do etc. I’m finding myself more able to see ways forward, not by trying hard to do that but by just being present and allowing to arise what will arise. I hope that makes some kind of sense?

So as for the limbo state, I know it can feel unpleasant, but I guess I am slowly learning to even accept and allow that. It’s often a period of feeling bad or unsettled that precedes a new insight or level of awareness for me. So I am learning to go with the process. When I do this, things begin to work their way out including unresolved issues and even past traumas. I’m learning to trust that this process will unfold if I let it, and in that I encounter peace.

Of course everything is in flux and most likely I will go through more dark nights of the soul, but I think I’m at least reaching a plateau where things may get more stable and peaceful for a while. I think connections with others on a similar wavelength helps too. The person who I’m grieving is also with me in spirit which helps me, and I spoke with my psychologist yesterday who is also very understanding and on the same wavelength. So I think feeling those connections is supportive in the process of being in those in between states where things are working themselves out. I think we do need some co-resonance with others along the way.

Warm wishes to you 💖

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Thanks rx,

Yes, I’m going to just keep going back and forth until I find my place, both the actual physical place and my sense of place among people/community.

Ah, servo girl. It’s really nice to feel those connections even if it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s like a little bit of magic with someone even if it’s just in passing. I think all those experiences give us some spark in life and some inspiration going forward.

All the best to you,

ER

[randomxx]

Yeah that;s the go , just do and go with what you feel for now , l'm doing similar.

Servo girl, hmmmm, ldk er. Thankfully we just talked rather than jumping in though.

[randomxx]

Mind you , it was a dilemma for awhile as l'd met her just before due to leave and she was very special. l'd thought bloody hell , that'd be right, typical.

But it would've meant staying and what if after a few yrs it went nowhere anyway. More time there but yet if it did that'd mean on the other hand staying forever soooo, was a tough call for awhile.