Alone and Acceptance

[Indra]

This weekend was the first for me to be fully alone. Children were away and the house was very empty and quiet.

I tried to keep myself busy, but you find yourself slipping back to thinking in the negative. Tears were shed at random moments. The sting of a partner gone all to prevelant.

I then think to myself, well this is your lot in life, need to start preparing for a life alone. I truly feel that one should not have to be alone. Unfortunately with my circumstances that is a reality I am now facing. 

So what do you do when friends don't call back or you are limited in what you can join? BB is a great help, people listen and care, but the lack of physical contact can start to wear you down. I have a fear of if something happened to me - who would know? 

I know I am the only person who can change this - trying to find the inner strength to do this is the challenge. 

I wonder????

[Jacko777]

Hi Indra,

I think small steps is the key Indra. I know for myself I have to stay in touch with what I am passionate about in life, one of those things is Nature, so I am constantly taking small steps to be more involved, I give time to conservation groups, attend events and get to spend time alone and with people in some beautiful parts of the planet. I feel good that I have made a move to come closer to my passion, I feel good being out there and I have satisfaction from doing what is right. Finding my true passions is not something that can be rushed, in fact it might take a lifetime but at least I know I am on the right track.

Perhaps we need a BB get together?? Until then I send you cyber hugs. xxoo

Jack

[Indra]

Hi Jack,

Thank you for your response - your positivity is refreshing! 

At the moment I am still trying to find myself - and fully agree with the small steps forward. I guess it has been so long that I have done anything for myself, I have to find some direction to what I would like to do.

A BB get together sounds awesome. It would be great to hug and talk to everyone in person and thank them for helping me not catapult into an abyss. I have had some great support on here. Unfortunately with the way BB is designed - I know it isn't meant to be. So, cyber friendship and hugs it is ☺

Hanging on and in,

Cheers 

Indra 

[Chris_B]

Hi Jacko and Indra, regarding BB get togethers, you may be interested in joining our blueVoices group if you haven't already. We do run meetup events from time to time, as well as other activities.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Indra

I don’t think I’ve written to you much of late, so am not fully across your situation, but from what you’ve described here, it’s kind of a like a ‘brand new start’ for you.  I couldn’t imagine how tough that would be, but it’s been awesome to see that Jacko has been a solid support for you.

When you say you need to find some direction for what you would like to do, is this you referencing thoughts of your interests/likes/loves/hobbies, etc?    Are you into sport or physical activity kind of things – cycling, swimming, jogging, gym, etc?

I know a few years back I would journal loads of things about how I was struggling, just get behind the keyboard and let my fingers do the talking – it was a great kind of release and perhaps even therapy, as it was also encouraged by my psychologist.  I’ve worked further on these and it’s now manifested itself into almost a book format, or manuscript if you will.  And some day, someday it would be awesome to chase it up, pursue it to be published.

Anyway, that was just one of my things I’ve done along the way – but again, we are all different and this certainly might not be for you.

Still it’s awesome that you do find benefit from coming to this fantastic site.   I think so many of us find all kinds of benefits from coming here and I’m pleased that you’re in that boat as well.  And yes, it’s not the same as having the old ‘one-on-one’ friendship, but hey, it’s helluva lot better than nuffink at all.  🙂

Neil

[Indra]

Hi Neil,

Thank you for responding as well - I have had a lot of turmoil going of late and apart from various other issue, yes I am having to start on my own again after my fiancee recently walked out on myself and my children.

I am glad for the support on here - Jack was very positive and I have had ongoing support and friendship from TMB and Lauren as well. It helps immensely!

As I have children with disability - finding direction is a hard one when I have devoted so many years into caring for them - you forget to think about yourself or in my case feel guilty at times.

I am looking into finding a hobby of sorts - I would like to learn German again, as this is my heritage and I learnt it for awhile when I was a child. I know I can do most of this online as it is not practical for me to actual go and attend a regular class. I am also going to start going to the gym again - that one requires at bit more motivation lol I like to write as well - fiction mainly - feel proud of yourself for achieving what you have so far with your book.

I agree with you - it is better to have the comfort of cyber friends, than no one - it is appreciated that everyone on hear takes the time to listen and respond.

Cheers,

Indra

[Neil_1]

Hi there Indra

Great to hear back from you.

I’m guessing it has been a hard journey so far with your children and having to also try to find time for yourself, but this is something that should be looked into AND it’s awesome to read some of your thoughts that you’ve provided.

I’m sorry to hear things didn’t work out with your fiancée – those things can be terribly difficult to work through and I’m assuming that the others who have written to you on here have helped you through that period, but I could imagine it is still very much in the forefront of your thoughts, if it was only recent.

The learning of german or the re-learning of german sounds like an excellent option – especially if you’ve done it as a child, it’d be interesting for you to see how quickly you pick it up again and things you have remembered previously.  I still remember a sentence from I think, my early high school days:  Un hat eir nickt drie ecken (and forgive my spelling of that, but I believe it says:  My hat it has 3 corners).   Highly useful huh!    No wonder I never used that when I went on a Contiki tour a number of years ago!  Best kept to myself that one.  🙂

That’s great to hear about your writing – brilliant – just tinker away at it;   that’s the beauty about these days, you can just keep adding things and type away;  so much better than when we had to pen or pencil things on a page.

Gym gym gym – yes yes yes.  Though I am slightly biased by this as I go approximately 6 days a week.   It’s most probably my Number One stress, frustration, tension, etc release that I have.  Getting in there and lifting weights is awesome for me – having an amazingly hard and at times heavy session and it’s just so good for getting out some frustrations, etc, PLUS afterwards, I feel pretty awesome – I think they’re things called endorphins that the body produces and they stream through for a while after.

Running can do it, as to cycling – any kind of major physical activity.

But the motivation for the gym and other such activities has got to be there and be strong, otherwise it can be something that just happens a few times and is discarded.  But if you can find that “fix” and that keen-ness for such things, then it can become habit, an addictive GOOD habit.

Would love to hear back from you again.

Neil

[Indra]

Hi Neil,

Good to hear from you! At the moment it has been a rollercoaster ride of few ups and more downs. My fiancée did leave only recently and I think what hurts the most was there has been no closure and a big lack of honesty. I spoke to my GP today about it and his response was that he said that my wx has no conscience!

It is a lot of work  (and patience) caring for two children with special needs - but they are my children and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. 

Thank you for the German phrase and I got a chuckle about the Contiki comment. I am taking it was in footloose and fancy free days? Lol 

I agree with the gym - it's a great way to zone out - 6 days a week is very dedicated! I am able to get 2 sessions a week in and if weather permitting, I do take my youngest for a walk. There are horses close by and he enjoys patting them. Unfortunately, my eldest son is a runner and I usually have to find secure places to take him.

Busy day tomorrow, off to my lawyer. The youngest's father is starting to be difficult again - something I don't need at the moment. I guess I will deal with one thing at a time.

Well duty calls - must be off. 

Take care and thank you for checking in on me.

Cheers,

Indra 

[Neil_1]

Hi Indra

Great to read your latest response.  And I’ve gotta start with a tongue-in-cheek comment (by the way, don’t you find that ‘typing’ a tongue-in-cheek comment is far easier than saying it !):   you say you only get to the gym two sessions a week if weather permitting – does this mean your gym has no roof?   Ahh, I’m guessing it’s one of those ‘on the roof’ of a building kind of set ups – wow, pretty swanky.  🙂 🙂   🙂

Any breakup is extremely tough and is even worse for the person who perhaps wasn’t aware that it was going to happen and then as you say, receiving no actual closure from it and other things, then yeah, I’m really feeling for you, cause it would be hurtful and would be bloody tough to get through.

You are so right – with regards to our children, there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for them and the care, the affection, the love, the dedication that we give to our children is just as natural as breathing.  We do it without a 2nd thought.   And yet, it’s sometimes good to even look back upon the very first days, those early photos of when they were so tiny, so (well let’s face it, for want of a better word) useless and us as brand new parents, it was some interesting times.   I remember either walking up and down our street with our first born son (now 17yo) in the pram hoping that the movement of the pram would get him to sleep or to take him for a drive.   And then to find that pretty much both of these things worked, “until” I got him home again and had to get him out of the pram or out of the car!!  D’oh !!

Ohhhhhhh, now I’ve re-read it, and it’s nothing to do with your gym at all – it’s to take your son for a walk if it’s not cold or damp – please excuse me, my morning tablets haven’t quite kicked in yet.

I’m not sure about how to comment on your son who is the runner – but that has got to be a good thing right?   Fitness and all that or is it a kind of uncontrolled kind of running as you say you’ve got to find secure places to take him?

I don’t understand how other people just wish to make things difficult for others.   And in a lot of these cases, it’s more than even people we know – it’s as close as family members (or ex family members) who decide they want to be difficult.  Oh boy, I’ve got a stack of other words that I could use instead of difficult, but they wouldn’t be allowed on here.

Chat again soon,

Neil

[Indra]

Hi there Neil,

Thanks for saying hi. I am still getting a great chuckle from you! I have a very dry, dark sense of humour - witicisms are easy for me either way lol Yep, the gym is very new fangled roof and all - I still stick to the equipment I know how to use. I could see myself getting stuck on something and have to require some assistance to untangle myself!

It has been tough with this relationship breaking down. My little one has been more affected by my fiancee leaving, than his own father's departure. That is another story in itself. I sure can pick them. I am half resigned that this maybe it for myself and relationships. I know it is only early days, but my situation has changed and taking on someone with two special needs children is not for everyone - and that is ok. I miss the conversation and affection I guess the most. Oh well.

I think we have all been there, driving or walking for ages trying to get children to sleep (I still have trouble getting mine and keeping them asleep - hence the delightful shade of raccoon I always seem to be wearing lol) I think they do it on purpose haha

You are excused - I am not on meds - but I don't function before my first coffee or three!!

I think some people like to cause drama for others - it covers insecurities or short comings in their own lives. I am used to my family - it's just how they are. As for ex's vindictiveness comes to mind and the have their cake and eat it too scenario. I am over people who are controlling and have started standing up for myself - took (cough,cough) 30+ years to do so, but it is making me feel better about myself for doing so.

I hear you about using some more colourful words other than difficult - must be restrained,must be restrained!

Cheers,

Indra