Alone and Acceptance

[Indra]

This weekend was the first for me to be fully alone. Children were away and the house was very empty and quiet.

I tried to keep myself busy, but you find yourself slipping back to thinking in the negative. Tears were shed at random moments. The sting of a partner gone all to prevelant.

I then think to myself, well this is your lot in life, need to start preparing for a life alone. I truly feel that one should not have to be alone. Unfortunately with my circumstances that is a reality I am now facing. 

So what do you do when friends don't call back or you are limited in what you can join? BB is a great help, people listen and care, but the lack of physical contact can start to wear you down. I have a fear of if something happened to me - who would know? 

I know I am the only person who can change this - trying to find the inner strength to do this is the challenge. 

I wonder????

[Neil_1]

Hi Indra;

Yes, the weekend was good – though bitterly cold – and here’s more washing talk (gosh, how boring am I), though the weather was bleak (at best), as long as the chilly winds blow, it allows for the washing to get dry, so I guess that’s one bonus for it to be disgustingly cold.

I love your call of your youngest, calling him ‘miniman’ – that’s gold.  I love little terms of affection that we generate for our own children or other loved ones or even our pets.  But miniman is a ripper.  🙂

Yes, boys will be boys I guess (hey, Choirboys had a song called that way back in the early 1980’s, I think), but keep pouring the love and care into them and they will turn into wonderful young men that will make you proud.  And never forget to the emphasis the importance of how much they mean to you, but also the big one, about their love for one another.  J

Kind regards

Neil

[Mares73]

Hi Indra I keep meaning to write to you but have just got to it so I apologise for delay. It seems you've found some great support here on the Beyond Blue forums which is great. Your strength & resilience shines through in your writing. Yet I realize it must be incredibly demanding caring for 2 children with high needs.Then on top of that you've had to deal with ex husband's issues & then your fiancee walking out on you. It must break your heart that your kids had formed a strong bond with this person to the point he's caused pain & grief for you & the kids.

No your right, you shouldn't have to be alone. But I guess it takes a good person to have any relationship with, let alone someone whose willing to care for children & their individual needs. You are to be admired for your dedication to your kids & your ability to keep pushing forward despite life's challenges. I sincerely hope you are fortunate to meet someone who is worthy of your trust & love at some point in life.

Learning to be alone again after a relationship is bound to cause feelings of sadness. I know with my kids that sometimes I just crave adult conversation & input. My husband has been battling acute leukemia & long stays in hospital then sick at home. It feels as though my whole life is about cancer & we have been in this dark tunnel all year with not great prognosis. It's the uncertainty I find so hard. Trying to hold onto hope when it's so hard not to dwell on the future.

 You sound as though you are managing your own illness which is great. Do you see a psychologist or similar regularly? You may have answered that & I've missed it so apologies if that's the case.

Well time to go. Just wanted to reinforce what a fantastic mum you are & despite your challenges reinforce the message that you are a strong, courageous woman who is inspirational. 

I'm also really glad you've found a growing group of support here on the forums. It seems it has helped greatly. It's an amazing place where people may be anonymous but they are so very understanding, supportive & compassionate. I've managed to share & work through some tough times due to the great friends here & many of those things are ones I haven't felt able to discuss with anyone else in my life. So we will always be here to listen & offer whatever support we can. I think you've already worked that one out! 

Lve Mares xx

[Indra]

Hi Neil,

Firstly, with all of this washing talk -you have jinxed me! lol I found the socks again in the wrong drawers! So, no not boring, you have made laundry talk entertaining!

This is a bitter winter. I was on the phone earlier to my Insurance company and the guy was making small talk. He said it was raining in the city and the weather should swing by where I am by lunchtime. Low and behold, the day has turned from sunny back to miserable. I think he should change occupations - he was more accurate than most weather presenters lol

My poor little one - miniman is just one of the many nicknames that has been bestowed upon him! He is my little miniman though. Very advanced for his 4 years of age! He wears the monikers well - unlike me - my name is very boring and I really don't like the shortened version - especially when people I don't really know use it straight away. I know that sounds a little harsh, but it is usually close friends or family that use it. My brother however, coined a nickname that related to an old advertisement for the Flag Inn motel chain - he was lucky, his friends only call him a shortened version of our surname!

Yep, remember the Choirboys song well from the high school social years! It wasn't bad, but I was a bit of a headbanger into heavy metal as a teen - which I still proudly am today lol I still wear black - but not head to toe anymore!!!

My love for my boys is unconditional - they are what keep me well, focused and grounded. We are very close and I try and make their lives happy, fun and stable - which I think is a key factor. Now Mum has to do the same for herself!

Enjoy your day!

Cheers,

Indra

[Indra]

Hi Mares,

Thank you again for such a positive and humbling compliment! I do try and stay strong and focused for my boys - even though life has had some upheaval. They know that I am their stability and support and try and keep their lives full of love, fun and happiness. They are the only thing that I do have strong patience for and I am a firm believer of if you bring children in to this world - you are there to look after and guide them!

I am so sorry to hear things are still so incredibly tough for you at the moment. I could not even start to imagine some of what you have to deal with, with your husband's illness. I had followed some of your other posts - so hard when you have to be the rock for everyone in your family - when at times it is overwhelming for you. Firstly - forget about the housework! It's not going anywhere - can you try and get your kids in to some sort of roster to help you out or maybe get someone in once a fortnight at least? Cooking sometimes is the last thing that you feel like doing too! A suggestion - and only at that - I know the supermarkets now have a lot of things pre-cut - veg/meat - stir fry is quick and easy - just toss everything in!

Being alone is tough - and I am thankful for all of the support on here - it keeps me focused and being able to have a laugh from time to time works wonders for your day!

The only thing I have done at this stage - is talk to my GP from time to time. I am not for medication - if it helps others that's great - but I need to be fully alert for my kids. I had been on meds when I was younger when I went through my anxiety disorder and it wasn't a good mix. I worked through a lot on my own after having half a dozen sessions with a psychologist. I had a mantra of strength and determination that I used as well. Getting into the right mindset is half the battle. Now, I have good days and bad - but you take the good days and run with them!

Stay strong Mares - you are doing an awesome job! For sure, it is a wonderful, supportive community on here - and likewise, if you need to chat or vent or laugh! Send us a line!

Take care of you and your family,

Cheers,

Indra

[Neil_1]

Hi Indra

That insurance company guy and I would have a lot in common – I love commentating about weather or at the very least putting in forecasts for how the day or a week will turn out.  And no, I don’t live in Darwin – where it would be fine, sunny and about 30 degrees, for weeks and weeks on end.

I don’t know what it is, but you had me laughing with your comment about the socks AND the term, ‘laundry talk’ – I’ve heard of bedroom talk before, but now it appears we’ve invented “laundry talk” as well.  Good times.  🙂

Well, I must say, I’ve never heard of an Indra before and I find the name unique and lovely.

Ahhh, heavy metal – that is my son’s genre of music as well – he’s 17yo and has loved metal and all kinds of metal for many years – I can never work out what actually swung him to metal;  whether he listened to too many Wiggles CD’s as a kid, or not, I just don’t know.

He’s also a drummer and he goes awesome at that and has two guitarists so far in the band that he’s creating – they’ve created half a dozen of their own songs.

I’ll have to find out what some of his favourite bands are – though I know that the band he has listened to when we were out for a drive recently was “The Devil Wears Prada”.

And yes, ain’t it wonderful that we have our children to help keep us, as you say, ‘grounded’.  I’ve mentioned this before and I honestly don’t think I’d be here, if not for my two beautiful children.  The love we have for them is something that cannot be measured and words don’t do justice to that either, though with your comments about your children, I nodded my head in agreement as well.

Neil

[Indra]

Hi Neil,

Laughed hearing about your part time profession as weather person (being politically correct here!) - I would gladly like to be in Darwin today - it is soooooooo dark and cold! Excellent - a new phrase has been coined - laundry talk! My dark sense of humour could run with that on so many levels haha - glad you laughed!!

To be honest - I can't remember whether I had read the name Indra in a book somewhere. I have used this name as the main character in the fiction I have been writing. It is alot more interesting than my name - unfortunately my parents did not have very much imagination. My older son has a very different name - easy to spell though - and my youngest has a normal first moniker and his middle name is different too. I love my story of the youngest's though - his older brother (with Autism) actually picked it. It was the only name that he said ok to when I read him the four names up for choice - so the he made the decision for me!

Awesome that your son is a drummer and in to metal! It's great that he is in a band too - makes it good for creativity - I had not heard of the band you mentioned - as I have on other threads - bit of a Rammstein fan, but I like the old school ones like Zeppelin and Sabbath as well. I have a budding drummer on my hands too - miniman is always drumming or singing! He has worn out some bongos - I am just waiting to see if the interest holds before I buy a kit (and the noise!!) He has some great natural talent happening! I have not tortured him with the Wiggles either lol He is mainly into Rammstein and Iron Maiden - that's just him!

Lovely words about having children as well Neil - glad that you are still here because of them. That takes strength!

Have a great day!

Indra

[Neil_1]

Hi Indra

My son first got the drumming interest when "Santa" delivered a Guitar Hero package, oh boy, a fair number of years ago now.

That was a story in itself.  It was all the rage and as Christmas closed in, we searched high and low for one of them, but alas, nothing to be found in our city.  So I made calls to the coast, to inland towns, then to Sydney.  It was the same story everywhere - but for one town in NSW - Temora.  About two hours drive away - so phoned them, yep, they actually had 3 packages of Guitar Hero left.

We thought long and hard whether we should buy all THREE and then try for some big dividends on Ebay!!  But honesty and integrity won out and so we decided just for the one we were after.  I had no leave available from work at that time, so I got up in the dark and drove to the town, to arrive on their doorstep as they opened their doors for business.

Walked out five mins later extremely over the moon and just over two hours later, with the package right beside me at work, I was seated and ready for my work day.  Job well done.  🙂

And from that, it determined two things - my son was brilliant at Guitar Hero and I was absolutely crap.  🙂

Neil

[Indra]

Hey Neil,

I haven't been on the forums for awhile but thought I would stop by and say hi and also thank you!

For a change (miracles sometimes do happen lol) things have been going reasonably well in my world. By no means perfect - but hey you have to roll with the positives!

In an earlier post you told me never to say never in meeting someone new - and it has happened! Taking things at a snail's pace - but at least the smile has began to return ☺

As for my boys - well kids, that means any child, will be kids! I take that a day at a time and am always going to be on the high and low rollercoaster there - but I accept that.

So, a thank you to you for showing me support and letting me rant and rave! 

The gym work is going great guns and I still sport my lovely shade of raccoon lol

Stay awesome and take care!

Cheers,

Indra