I know I'm not alone but still feel lonely

[Lookingforpeace]

Hi everyone

ok so I know depression and anxiety skews your thoughts. I know other people suffer. I know I'm not alone, but then why do I still feel so lonely?

is it because depression is so unique to each individual? Perhaps my depression is not the same as yours. Or is that the anxiety talking?

Lately I have been really wondering what the meaning of this all is. Why do we get up each morning, go to work, eat, sleep repeat? Like guinea pigs on a wheel. I envy people who don't have these thoughts. I look at people walking by me on the street, at work, and think "lucky you, that you don't have these thoughts, that you don't feel like I do."

And if there's no meaning, then what's the purpose? And if there's no purpose, then what's the point? And if I am thinking this way, then God what is wrong with me?! How could I be so selfish as to even have that thought cross my mind.

i know this post sounds a lot more like a string of rhetorical questions, but hoping somebody can relate.

[white knight]

Hi LFP great to hear from you again

Mind control isn't so common IMO. But when my anxiety was at its peak in 1987 and onwards for many years my mind seemed to take its own course. Weird I know and weirder trying to explain it.

Imagination had a large part. It still exists today but to a far lesser degree, maybe normal degree as my anxiety is completely gone. It just wanders a little.

Your description of "what's the point" I find interesting. I often tell my wife that I am not a sheep. I find interest in odd things like motorcycles...I like them but if you saw mine you'd realise mine is the only one of its kind in the world. Anything unusual I like but if I was to buy a car it wouldn't be a Holden. When I get old I've told my wife I will not get on a bus with heaps of old people with men dressed by their wives in tan shorts, white long socks and brown sandles....oh my!!

So stand in a main city street and watch those faceless people walking to work...every day, get home Friday night and collapse in their lounge chair..do it all again Monday. Poor souls. Been there done that and never lasted long in any job as I couldn't bare the routine.

You might need to realise that "thinkers" (and you are one) are not mad with your thoughts. Some of the reasons you think so much is- that your mind hasn't got anything major to focus on eg career path, hobbies, family, commitments etc.  Or your mind is dissatisfied, idle, frustrated, unhappy. See, there are people that disembark our crowded trains and walk along city streets that are very happy. They might be thinking of their children or nothing at all. Some are basic in mind. They might be simply happy nearly every day because they can breathe and appreciate the sun rising. These people don't have the Guinea pig analogy. Effectively they don't even acknowledge things that way because to do so would mean they are thinking negatively about their environment.

So what I'm suggesting is that most people fit in or tolerate their lifestyle easier than some. With yourself I thin you are not like them and you need to withdraw from any environment that you feel you cant be comfortable with. The process of finding your own "world" can take time and research.

I know this as I found mine, in a town of 200 people 2 hours from a city having grown up in the suburbs. Once happily working in your ideal environment you wont think much about the "guinea pig" thoughts as you'll be too happy to focus on it.

Tony WK

[Katarzyna]

Hi LFP

I don't know if this helps, but I don't believe you're alone; in your condition or in life.

I find depression in general -will- make you feel isolated. You can also then experience this social anxiety and, dispite all the lonliness and hurt you might feel - choose to distance yourself from people you want to feel closer to. This only hieghtens this feeling of isolation. I have no answer. But I just wanted to say you're not alone. The loneliness can feel soul crushing. 

[Dorian_Gray]

Hi Lookingfor Peace  

I can completely relate with your thoughts.  There is nothing wrong with wondering what the meaning of it all is, it is not selfish to do so, in fact wondering about/searching for the meaning of life may be the only thing worth doing at all.  I have had these kind of thoughts for a long time (since I was a teenager)...once you start it is very hard to stop.

From what I understand the reason most people go along with their lives – “work, eat, sleep repeat” is simply because it is ingrained in us as a part of our evolution, we are biologically wired to survive/reproduce.  The reason most people don’t question it is often as that is mal-adaptive, it leads to existential dread and interrupts the biological rhythm of survival, and so makes people feel bad so it just doesn’t enter their heads.  If you have the time looking up evolutionary psychology might help.   

But that still does not explain the purpose of things, i.e. why are we here what are we for....this question has been asked since at least ancient Egypt...and the fact it is still being asked shows I think there is no one definitive answer beyond what each person works out for themselves.  There may be no purpose and no point, and existence is just a fact, perhaps the best you can do is maximizing your pleasure for the brief period of your existence.  

  On loneliness I can relate too, I would share this definition of loneliness I have found with you which might help – Loneliness is not the absence of just any relationship, it is the absence of a particular kind of relationship – that is no matter how many relationships you have if it is not the particular one you feel you need, you will still feel lonely – hence the old adage feeling most lonely in a crowded room.   

I know I have offered no answers to your issue whatsoever, but hopefully you can get something out of my experiences/perspective.  

[Lookingforpeace]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It certainly makes me feel less lonely. 

I do have a very overactive imagination and am an over thinker. I'm constantly imagining different scenarios of the one reality, imagining what could go wrong, thinking "what if". Makes me feel crazy, and thus, alone.

thanks Dorian, I'll definitely be looking into evolutionary psychology.

[geoff]

dear Lookingforpeace, excuse me as this is my first reply for about a week as I still having flu problems, so what I say may not be too clear or logical.

When we see other people walking down the street we can't assume that they aren't also suffering from what you have said, because they could well and truly ditto exactly what you are thinking, that we won't know, however it's how you feel.

It's such a good point you have made here ' I'm not alone, but then why do I still feel so lonely', oh boy this is such a strong feeling, and how absolutely true it can be, in more times than not, so is there an explanation, well yes there is, but the person thinking this wouldn't believe what is happening to them, so we have to look outside the square here.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how much support anyone has when they feel depressed, because they simply can't connect with people telling you everything from left right and centre, it all has no meaning to them, and even with your best friend trying to help you then he or she maybe well off the target in how they approach the conversation with you, although they are trying so hard to help you, but you have to remember that being in depression you could deny all the advice offered to you.

Personally when I had my breakdown, there was some much support offered to me, but I still felt all by myself, because I was dealing with issues that they didn't know about, and I wasn't ready to tell anyone, so I was all by myself, so was that my problem, well maybe but when your life has fallen into a hole, no I don't believe so.

There is a meaning and a purpose for this, but that's the hard part that we have to work out ourselves or perhaps to be slowly adviced/ helped along the way to understand what it is. Geoff.