Intrusive thoughts

[Elizabeth90]

Hi there, I, like many of you on this site, suffer from the dreaded intrusive thoughts brought about by OCD. I am in my mid-twenties and only since the last year, I have experienced the onset of intrusive thoughts. As a kid, I can recall checking things constantly but then for most of my teenage years, experienced nothing and then, up until my new job (which I love), I started to analyse in my head over and over, these horrible intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and general 'strange' thoughts of things around me. I will keep this brief. At first, it was debilitating; I had panic attacks, I lost my appetite and I avoided certain environments that I used to enjoy. The physical affects were as bad as the psychological ones and at that point, I saw no way out. I began meditation, reading up on the condition and educating myself of the facts. What started to ease my anxiety was to discover that I wasn't alone and that intrusive thoughts are thoughts, not actions. It was the shame and guilt I felt over those thoughts, I would ask myself, 'what if they happened?', or 'am I a bad person?' but what I came to realise and read up on is to let them be just thoughts. Everyone has strange thoughts but from my understanding, people with intrusive thoughts get them 'stuck' in their mind through repetition and worry. Another comforting thing that I read which I hope helps all of you out there too is that no, you aren't crazy or a potential 'serial killer' because the fact that you feel so guilty and sick over the thought means you are a good person who would never carry out the horrible thoughts in your head. I will admit, I am not 'cured' and mine does come in bouts where I go for days, even weeks where I think, 'finally, it's gone' but then unexpectedly, it can return. Luckily for me, and not involving any medication, what really helped me overcome the worst part of my intrusive thoughts was opening up to my partner. Trust me, I was so worried about doing this at first, especially because some of the horrible thoughts involved them and I was so worried about losing them that I battled for months but I recently opened up and I couldn't have asked for a more supportive and understanding partner as well as pleasing outcome. I won't lie to you or to myself, they aren't completely gone and as I said, they can return in 'bouts' but the important thing to remember is that they are only thoughts. Everyone has weird thoughts...and I mean EVERYONE. You will get through this. 

[Elizabeth90]

Hi Ci,

Firstly, thank you for coming here and sharing your story, it's very brave and I know it can be scary! 

Secondly, I am so glad you have taken comfort in the fact that you aren't alone and that intrusive thoughts and anxiety affect so many people, a fact that I didn't know until I came on here myself. 

I'm sorry to hear that it's getting in the way of your of life, I can totally relate! Mine is still very present and does come and go. Sometimes I have great bouts and happiness and other times, the panic sets in and the thoughts go wild.

One thing I have discovered, from reading up on the facts and hearing others story, and it is such a crucial point, is that we are not bad people. These thoughts do not reflect some inner desire whatsoever. They are a construct of the mind playing cruel tricks on you, mere thoughts of many of the things that you probably stand against so much! The fact that we feel guilt over them so much proves that we are decent and good people. And another important thing is that no recorded case study exists of ANY ocd intrusive thought sufferer ever acting out their thoughts. Thoughts do not equal actions, we are in control of that, even if it seems we aren't. 

I wish to share some tips with everyone on strategies I have adopted that have really helped me out when I hit a bad spell of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, maybe give them a go and see how you feel!

1. Drink lots of chamomile or pure green tea when your anxiety peaks 

2. EXCERCISE! The best cure for anxiety! 

 3. Pick a few sprigs of lavender or buy some lavender oil and smell it when you feel anxious. There is something in them that apparently has a calming property.

4. Tell someone you trust...scary I know but it they truly care and are destined to be in your life, they'll understand no matter what 

5. When a thoughts pops in your head, I tend to say 'thanks, jerk!' (I am pretty sure that was someone else on this thread's suggestion, so thank you!!)

6. Meditate. I have the 'smiling mind' app and I find this really therapeutic and relaxing 

7. Deep breaths and plenty of water

8. Find a hobby you love (I like to paint and write), this 'distracts' your anxiety 

These are also some factors I have noticed that personally flare my intrusive thoughts and anxiety (might not apply to all but thought I'd share)

1. Alcohol/junk food 

2. Specific type of birth control pill 

3. Work/relationship stress 

 4. Lack of exercise 

I hope this helps, take care! 

[AnxiousOCD]

Hi Elizabeth!

 I suffer from intrusive thoughts and they seem to become more irrational over time yet I still believe them, I still think what if I did do that in the past? I feel like whatever I think when I'm in this state of mind I will believe and I will obsess over it to try and solve a problem. I know that I go through these stages when I am sad and stressed and the triggers for this are when my boyfriend is away for work. I know that I have good days where I look at these thoughts and think they are silly and I know anxiety put them there. I am struggling to get to that good place right now, I am fighting the urge to perform a compulsion to ease the pain as I know this is only a short term fix. 

[Chicken_Wings]

Hey Anxious,

I get intrusive thoughts too. Have you tried mindfulness?
If you're having trouble right now download the Headspace App. There are 10 days worth of ten minute mindfullness exercises. 

I find it really hard to break the cycle of thinking about things and also really hard to do mindfullness exercises unguided. I've done it the last couple of mornings and it's helped me get going. I find my thoughts are worse in the morning.

[AnxiousOCD]

Hi Chicken Wings, 

Thanks for that I will give it a go!

I also always find that my thoughts are so much worse in the mornings, it's just so hard because you think you are done with these thoughts and then they just seem to come back. Most of the time my thoughts are about the past and I always go what if I did this or that? Even though at the time I didn't think it. It's hard because my fear is that I've cheated on my boyfriend after a few drinks and a night out, even if I remember the whole night and I was with my boyfriend I still manage to find a space where I can squeeze in the fear that I could've kissed someone else and it is killing me! 

[AnxiousOCD]

Hey Chicken Wings!

Thanks for that I just downloaded it!

I really struggle with my thoughts, especially when I think I'm done with them and then they just come back stronger and out of the blue. 

It's hard because all my what ifs are about the past and cheating on my boyfriend, I go round in circles like what if I did this on a night out even if I remember the whole night and my boyfriend was there I can still find an opening to sneak some doubt in and then I dwell on it because I want to solve the problem. 

This doubt usually comes into play when my boyfriend has to go away for work or if I've had a night out and a few drinks. 

 I can see my thoughts getting more and more irrational but I just can't stop them!

[Chicken_Wings]

No worries Anxious,

I hope it helps.

I know what it's like trying to break into that cycle and then you distract yourself and then you remember you were distracting yourself and then you think "what was I distracting myself from?" and then you're back!

It sounds like you are scared of this relationship not working out because of something you might do. In a way, thats good, because it means you care about your boyfriend and about the relationship!

If you find there are things that trigger you, then maybe it would be a good idea to avoid them until you have a handle on things? Like maybe limit yourself to just 1 or 2 drinks or be the driver when you go out. That way you know 100% that you are in control. You can still have nights where you have a few drinks, but have those nights at home with your girlfriends?

I think at the core of this it sounds like you don't trust yourself? Just remember that you can't live your life based on past decisions or mistakes. You are not the person you were 5, 2 or even 1 year ago and it sounds like you are determined not to live those mistakes again.

[AnxiousOCD]

I think you definitely get where I'm coming from! I don't trust myself because of past mistakes and that now means that I'm always second guessing myself and what I thought I knew. 

I have made some changes and I definitely don't drink like I used to and if I feel myself getting too drunk I seem to realise it and then I get a taxi home. I guess the only times where I drink a little bit more are when I'm with my boyfriend because I feel safe and in control but then I still manage to doubt myself later. 

All I want to do is tell my boyfriend all the intrusive thoughts I have because that way I know I'm not keeping secrets from him but at the same time I have to try not to give meaning to these thoughts? I just don't know whether telling him everything is good or bad, it makes me feel better but I also feel it opens me up to allowing myself to doubt myself 

[Chicken_Wings]

I feel safer when I'm with my boyfriend too. Like I can let go a little bit because he is there, even if he has had a couple too. 

It certainly helps me to talk to my boyfriend about my intrusive thoughts. Although most of mine aren't strictly about him. The ones I have about him are worrying about him getting sick or hurt. 

If your boyfriend cares about you as much as you care about him then I'm sure he would want to be able to help you. The key would be telling him in a way that reassures him that nothing bad has happened and that nothing will, you're just scared because of your past. It's all about how you first present the information.

And one thing to remember, if you have times when you doubt yourself even when you're with your boyfriend, if he is there, he can fill in gaps for you!

Its a fine balance in getting is support and remembering that sometimes what you tell him might make him a bit sad. Does he know that you have anxiety?

[AnxiousOCD]

Yea he knows everything and he completely understands it all, I had quite a few sessions with a psychologist and I told him everything that I learnt about myself so he could understand what I'm going through and why it happens. 

He actually has a way more calm and clearer understanding than I do, he just doesn't want me to keep bringing things up with him because he doesn't want me to keep seeking reassurance because it's not fixing the issue overall so he tries to do tough love with me. 

He tells me he doesn't care about the past and let's just think about the future, he says he could've done things wrong that he might not remember etc because nobody is perfect. He really wants me to get better! I think he knows even when I tell him a fear that it's probably not real because he knows that my mind plays tricks on me. 

[Chicken_Wings]

It's awesome that you've found someone so supportive.  

Personally I find a mixture of tough love but also supportive listening really helpful.

Sometimes I just feel the need to tell him that I feel bad and but I'm trying really hard and that is enough. I don't tell him what my thoughts are, just that they are there and that I am working to beat them. It's sort of self soothing too. Like saying a little mantra out loud.

Sometimes I just say to my boyfriend "I'm ok right?" and he says "yes, you're fine" and that is enough.
You don't have to go into every detail of every thing you think.