Need Advice - Sad

ac1991 · ‎05-05-2016

Hi everyone,

I come here today seeking advice. This year has been a roller coaster of emotions and events, all starting at the very beginning of 2016. My OCD anxiety turned into something more advanced than it had ever been before, and it got to the point that I would question my sanity and reality which was hard because I am usually somebody who is very in touch with theirs and other people's emotions, and am somebody who usually understands. Then my grandfather passed away after almost a decade of battling Alzheimer's (we all saw it coming but that didn't make it any harder to let go). After my family and I thought the troubles had finally blown over and were ready to begin a new chapter in life, my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 Breast Cancer. I have continuously struggled with depression and anxiety for years now, but only this year has it become something bigger and constant than it used to be. Uncontrollable. I am overly sensitive and paranoid, I don't like going to school because I can't trust anybody and there are so many horrible people there who are consumed by popularity and the need to be liked by others. I cannot be myself there, and I think that contributes to my sadness and suppressed anger. Socialising outside of my immediate family and friends is a terrifying thing for me. I am not one to confront people, so whenever somebody does something I don't like, I bite my tongue and let it eat away inside. I have had some horrible friendships over the years, people constantly walking over me and belittling me because they felt like it - and they knew I wouldn't stand up for myself, so they kept going. I have finally found my real friends (4 people, but only one is consistent and I can fully be myself around which is fine), but today that friend got angry at me for something I'm not entirely sure about, we usually have quite an honest and confrontational relationship with minimal fighting so I was hurt and surprised that she was even trying to pretend she wasn't mad but still ignoring me. I have a feeling it is because today I was shutting some people out but talking to others (this was not intentional). A boy took interest in me a while ago so I was seeing him for a while but have shut him out too, it is too much for me all at once and he's angry about it. Mum starts her first chemo session tomorrow and I am very upset and worried. I have reached a new low, and feel completely numb. I feel like nothing is real, is this normal? What do I do?

Dwwmills · ‎05-05-2016

Hi ac1991.

I remember an offhand comment mentioned to be by one of my friends about 40 years ago. He said sooner or later everybody gets on your nerves or upsets you. That wasn’t his exact words but I’m paraphrasing. This simple thought has stuck with me for the rest of my life and helped me when I upset people or people upset me. For me it makes it less personal and more of an inevitability of dealing with people. It doesn’t matter how good you are as friends sooner or later you’ll upset one another. I think it’s more important how this is dealt with rather than that it has happened.

My daughter suffered from OCD about 8 years ago. After 18 months of intensive therapy and medication she is now fine. All I can do is urge you to go and see your GP and get some professional help if you haven’t already done so. Severe OCD is not something you can tackle on your own but can respond quite well to therapy. My daughter use Cognitive Based Therapy and medication. Most of the cognitive based therapy was done at home once we learned what needed to be done.

I wish you all the best.

Dean

my_life · ‎05-05-2016

Hi, I suffer from chronic OCD and have ever since I was a little girl. It is normal to feel completely numb after such a terrible time. At your lowest points you often will, I have so I know what it feels like. I am terribly sorry for your loss it sounds like you were close to your grandfather. My thoughts are with you for your mother tomorrow and I am sending you my wishes. Amongst all this you need to remember to look after yourself as well. You have been so busy worrying about other people (which I know is extremely hard not to) that you have forgotten to take care of yourself. So much is going on in your life right now and it is very distressing, I am sorry you have to go through it. Take a breather, have a cry, remember it is okay to cry and it is okay to feel anxious but you shouldn't let it control you. You are allowed to feel emotions and sometimes they are bad which is inevitable when something bad has happened but just remember you feel those good ones too. Are you seeing anyone for your OCD? It has really helped me to see someone about it and talk about it as long as you feel comfortable and trust them. Please look after yourself, my thoughts are with you. Stay strong! xx

ac1991 · ‎05-05-2016

Thank you for the kind words of wisdom, it is comforting to know that there are other people out there that have an idea of what its like. I will take your advice on board. I am not seeing anybody currently but was for about 3 years up until a couple of months ago, when he referred me to somebody that he thought could give me more help. Because of my Mum's state at the moment it doesn't seem like the appropriate time to get her to take me to all the appointments and get me referred, but we did ask my doctor the other day and he said we would have to book a separate appt. Hopefully soon I can work something out. Thankyou for the advice 🙂

150lashes · ‎05-05-2016

Hey there acc!

I just wanted to say that as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I can totally relate.

With the number of events you have had happened recently, it's quite understandable for you to have many of the feelings you do.

My mother had stage 3 breast cancer 5 years ago and I do appreciate how it is a scary time. However with it been stage 1 her prognosis is excellent, virtually 99% remission, with the wonderful treatment options we have today. Focus on that and how lucky your mum is that it's early with treatment on hand. Be there for her, but don't forget about yourself. You need to take time out for you too, and I'm sure your mum wouldn't want to see you suffer because of her illness. Little things like baking a cake or some cupcakes can give you time out, be therapeutic for you, and if you make your mum's favourite I'm sure she would love them as a treat 🙂

In terms of school, friends and the issues you described. I'm 34 and I can tell you now the school yard silliness doesn't end! It's the same everywhere, uni, TAFE, workplaces, friends in general. Sometimes people behave in ways we don't understand - I'm dealing with a strange friend at the moment who is giving me the cold shoulder for some unknown reason. It's disappointing I know. Once anxiety kicks in it becomes ten times worse. Try not to take it personally. Maybe gently talk with your friend and ask what's up but I wouldn't stress about it. It's clearly something they need to sort out!

I hope everything goes well with your mum tomorrow. Best of luck x