Hi everyone,
I come here today seeking advice. This year has been a roller coaster of emotions and events, all starting at the very beginning of 2016. My OCD anxiety turned into something more advanced than it had ever been before, and it got to the point that I would question my sanity and reality which was hard because I am usually somebody who is very in touch with theirs and other people's emotions, and am somebody who usually understands. Then my grandfather passed away after almost a decade of battling Alzheimer's (we all saw it coming but that didn't make it any harder to let go). After my family and I thought the troubles had finally blown over and were ready to begin a new chapter in life, my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 Breast Cancer. I have continuously struggled with depression and anxiety for years now, but only this year has it become something bigger and constant than it used to be. Uncontrollable. I am overly sensitive and paranoid, I don't like going to school because I can't trust anybody and there are so many horrible people there who are consumed by popularity and the need to be liked by others. I cannot be myself there, and I think that contributes to my sadness and suppressed anger. Socialising outside of my immediate family and friends is a terrifying thing for me. I am not one to confront people, so whenever somebody does something I don't like, I bite my tongue and let it eat away inside. I have had some horrible friendships over the years, people constantly walking over me and belittling me because they felt like it - and they knew I wouldn't stand up for myself, so they kept going. I have finally found my real friends (4 people, but only one is consistent and I can fully be myself around which is fine), but today that friend got angry at me for something I'm not entirely sure about, we usually have quite an honest and confrontational relationship with minimal fighting so I was hurt and surprised that she was even trying to pretend she wasn't mad but still ignoring me. I have a feeling it is because today I was shutting some people out but talking to others (this was not intentional). A boy took interest in me a while ago so I was seeing him for a while but have shut him out too, it is too much for me all at once and he's angry about it. Mum starts her first chemo session tomorrow and I am very upset and worried. I have reached a new low, and feel completely numb. I feel like nothing is real, is this normal? What do I do?
