Intrusive thoughts

[Elizabeth90]

Hi there, I, like many of you on this site, suffer from the dreaded intrusive thoughts brought about by OCD. I am in my mid-twenties and only since the last year, I have experienced the onset of intrusive thoughts. As a kid, I can recall checking things constantly but then for most of my teenage years, experienced nothing and then, up until my new job (which I love), I started to analyse in my head over and over, these horrible intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and general 'strange' thoughts of things around me. I will keep this brief. At first, it was debilitating; I had panic attacks, I lost my appetite and I avoided certain environments that I used to enjoy. The physical affects were as bad as the psychological ones and at that point, I saw no way out. I began meditation, reading up on the condition and educating myself of the facts. What started to ease my anxiety was to discover that I wasn't alone and that intrusive thoughts are thoughts, not actions. It was the shame and guilt I felt over those thoughts, I would ask myself, 'what if they happened?', or 'am I a bad person?' but what I came to realise and read up on is to let them be just thoughts. Everyone has strange thoughts but from my understanding, people with intrusive thoughts get them 'stuck' in their mind through repetition and worry. Another comforting thing that I read which I hope helps all of you out there too is that no, you aren't crazy or a potential 'serial killer' because the fact that you feel so guilty and sick over the thought means you are a good person who would never carry out the horrible thoughts in your head. I will admit, I am not 'cured' and mine does come in bouts where I go for days, even weeks where I think, 'finally, it's gone' but then unexpectedly, it can return. Luckily for me, and not involving any medication, what really helped me overcome the worst part of my intrusive thoughts was opening up to my partner. Trust me, I was so worried about doing this at first, especially because some of the horrible thoughts involved them and I was so worried about losing them that I battled for months but I recently opened up and I couldn't have asked for a more supportive and understanding partner as well as pleasing outcome. I won't lie to you or to myself, they aren't completely gone and as I said, they can return in 'bouts' but the important thing to remember is that they are only thoughts. Everyone has weird thoughts...and I mean EVERYONE. You will get through this. 

[geoff]

dear Elizabeth, this is a very good post that you have started, and each individual does have intrusive thoughts, but all of us have our own way of coping with them.

It does in fact help each person, whereas it may not be of much benefit to the next person suffering from OCD, but it's certainly some information that we can remember on how to cope with these thoughts.

For example when my psychologist and I spoke about my habits/rituals and intrusive thoughts she had suggested a few ways of how I could stop them or avoid them, but after trying some of them none of them suited me, I had to do it my way.

By saying this I don't want to stop you, Beeme, Mel or OCD from suggesting their way of what helps themselves, because it maybe ideal for someone else.

I wonder whether over the years that as you get older, or perhaps as the years pass that any of your habits stop but then they are taken over by another one, because this is what happened with me.

The extensive and tiring habits I used to do as a kid thankfully I have stopped them, but now something else has taken their place.

I have two sons both in their 30's and unfortunately one of them has also got OCD while the other doesn't.

The one with this illness is married and it has quietened down a bit, but when I am with him he says 'Dad I have to do this, sorry', but it's not his fault that does them and keep telling him it's from previous generations and been passed down.

I would be interested to know how the rest of you are. L Geoff. x

[Fleece]

Hi Elizabeth90, thanks for starting off this thread and thanks to those who have also shared their thoughts and experiences  on this topic. I too am in my mid-20s, and was diagnosed with OCD and GAD about 3 yrs ago. I have only recently been experiencing intrusive thoughts which was really frightening, as it's not a symptom of OCD that I was aware of (most of my symtops up until now have been checking). I think for me it is comforting to know that it is part of OCD, and that I am not the only person who has had this experience. I really appreciate you all sharing your stories, I'm usually very private  about my OCD so it's a great relief to connect with others. 

[Acceptane_new_chapter]

Hi Elizabeth,

i am new to this abd haven't posted on forums before but came across your post and found it eased my emotions (for a short time anyway). 

I am in a similar situation. I am 29 years old, married the love of my life, have a terrific family, great friends....but my mind won't let me embrace it.

Growing up I have always had anxiety I guess. Double checked things. Did I say this? Will I be in trouble? Will the house burn down because I stocked the fire wrong? Etc etc. bit of paranoia. Then 12 months ago it seemed to get 'stuck' on topics. 

Tooics such as "what if my parents pass away" "what if I am dying" "what if, what if, what if".....

Then my mind started to get obsessive over topics on the news. Bad topics and my mind would then try and put them into thoughts of how that could become part of my life. Me doing those things...I thought I was going absolutely crazy!! 

 i would find myself thinking about the one thing over and over again, then my thoughts would look at different objects or situations and relate it to that situation over and over again....

 I bottled it up for 6 months till I watch a movie one night with my husband and it peaked. I felt Ill, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't contain myself. Wanted to wrap myself up in cotton wool and not move. 

i then opened up to my family and husband about it. They were terrific. My mum took me to the GP who was amazing, referred me to a psychologist and prescribed me a low dose of an SSRI (I think that's it) anti depressant and also a night time low dose tablet to relax my mind to allow me to sleep as these thoughts weren't letting me sleep anymore. 

 its gone from one topic to another - and no matter how often I tell myself "these are just words...just thoughts..." I'm terrified "why am I having these in the first place....you are probably absolutely crazy as normal people wouldn't think this way...."

 anyway, I understand I need to accept and move on. Try and take the emotion out of it...but there are certinally times when you think you are alone and this is only the way "unstable" people would think. 

Thank you for your posts everyone. It does help - just wish it didn't happen in the first place 12 months ago and my thoughts stayed on "normal" topics!!!! 

[SBeehappy]

I feel the exact same way about these thoughts as you all do.. Except mine are about harming myself, which is shocking and unbearable but I'll get through it just like we all will! 🙂

No-one likes to speak about these thoughts which is hard because there is a massive stigma, but these thoughts are horrible because it makes me depressed, so when I'm having or have had these thoughts I get overwhelmingly depressed because I think "oh Gosh I would NEVER do that" and "why did I think that" so I get into terrible crying bouts and get incredibly depressed over these thoughts.

BUT if we can get through this, we can get through ANYTHING 🙂 I'd like to hear more strategies on how to relax your mind during intrusive thoughts? Often I find it hard to meditate and relax suddenly, but I love noticing the beauty around me such as: listening to noises I can hear, things I can feel, see, smell etc 🙂

[princesses]

Best thing I was ever told is a thought is  thought not an action. When I'm feeling bad I repeat this to myself and it really helps. 

Good luck everyone ☺

[Coggles]

Goeff is completely right, everyone does have intrusive thoughts and they have different ways to handle them.

i found in myself that my imagination out ways that of my natural instinct in the way I handle intrusive thoughts.

i have help for a psychologist who helped me find which way was best to handle any of them. This was more brought on by anxiety could be too many horror movies as well.

but the way I had learnt to do it was to trick my mind or to come out with things that out weighed the original thought. I am still doing it and it works well. An example would be if i was on a balcony and I would see myself falling off. I would think to myself, but there is a soft landing. My sub conscience doesn't know that there isn't because I haven't looked down it. Or and unrealistic thing would be I fell but flew away.

like said everyone is different but a psychologist will be able to help you find which way is best for you.

good luck with it all

[Dee93]

I relate to this thread so much.

But I've tried seeing a psychologist and it just hasn't helped me.. As I realised very quickly I have an extremely hard time opening up to anyone on a real level. What I thought was incredibly vulnerable apparently isn't at all (makes me wonder what therapy is like for an 'open' person). It helped a bit with how I see myself and my anxiety, but my intrusive thoughts and accompanying behaviours have just gotten worse.
Is there anything else that has helped others? (other than books, I have a few as is!) If it makes a difference my thoughts are mainly about death (constantly listing ways I might die), paranoia someone is after me (I hear a noise and start to have a panic attack someone is in the house, I have to search my whole room at least once before bed) and just generally how inadequate / crazy I must be to live this  every day.. I was assaulted a few months ago which didn't help this all.
I'm so outwardly together and 'successful', but I feel so trapped in myself.

[Malcolm15]

Hi, I suffer from OCD intrusive thoughts also. It is really positive to hear about others struggles with intrusive thoughts. Mine are a bit different to harming myself and others. Mine are more about things being out of order. I get really anxious and overwhelmed if I think something is out of order. I find it really hard to distance myself from the intrusive thoughts. I know that intellectually that lack of order is not a problem but mentally I get really stuck on things. My big fear is of disassociating and losing control of my mind. I have tried a lot of different techniques to manage these thoughts. Nothing has worked permanently. I am on medication. Anybody out there with similar types of thoughts? What techniques have helped?   

[cwp2013]

Hi all..

This is my first time on here.. I have been a battler of intrusive thoughts for quite some time. However, the intensity of them come and go with time.

A lil back story.. I first had my strong intense dibilating bout of intrusive thoughts about 7 years ago when I was traveling. This lasted nearly a year and a half and sent me into a very depressive and anxious mess. I was still able to study and finish a degree. I moved to a new town and started a new job. Eventually the thoughts, anxiety and depression all subsided and I was happily living my life away. 

Then when I was in a relationship I had another episode. This was before another trip overseas. The anxiety I had due to these thoughts was crushing and lasted about 4 months. Then I recovered and life was happy days. 

I recently have come home from traveling overseas for 7 months. At the beginning of my trip bang the thoughts came back. I went into meltdown and straight back to old ways. Googling constantly... Thinking about the thoughts constantly.. Panic attacks.. Wanting to vomit.. Lack of sleep.. 

And then they went away.. 

6 months later.. Back... No sleep, depressed, anxious.. 

I am back traveling but still struggling with these intrusive thoughts.. I am able to work and be social but I feel like a shell of myself.. 

I had such feelings of regret, shame, guilt and generally feel lost. 

My thoughts are always of a sexual nature. And obviously involve ppl I love and I do not want to have these thoughts about. Sometimes I get so blown away by the sickness and intrusiveness of the thoughts and images my mind can produce. 

I just want to be able enjoy dating and being around loved ones without feeling so sick and gross and stuck in my head.

Sorry bout the length spiel... 

[ci]

hi i'm new and came across this post i can so relate thankyou everyone for being so honest!

It helps so much to read stories and feel like you wrote them ocd is so isolating in my experience and at the moment the loneliness is the hardest part hence why ive decided to reach out on this site. when having bad day it has been helpful just to read these stories and not feel so alone but i've decided to get brave and post part of my own hopefully can help someone or maybe someone will have some advice for me i'm new to ocd been struggling for a few years but finally recently found out what was wrong with me. what was said about bullys rang so true with me i see it like having a bully inside my head to and i often call it a jerk or some other not so nice names its exactly what it feels like to me having a bully constantly saying horrible things and arguing with you.

I thought my ocd set in about 2 years ago after becoming sick and needing hysterectomy reading your posts i have realized its been there for so much longer i just didnt realize the odd weird thought or panic attack from time to time very mild nothing compared to the constant state i've been in for the last 2 years but interesting to realize how far back it goes.

Has anyone had trouble with food i love to cook and i trained in kitchens for many years it has always been the one thing i do to relax i love it but alot of those horrible thoughts have been about food  making it so impossibly hard to cook and as the only one in the house that can cook makes every day hell!!!!! I feel like i'm at breaking point at the moment i'm exhausted with a husband and 3 kids to look after a business to run i wake up in the morning and feel like i cant get through another day without curling up in a ball and rocking in the corner. i was planning to go back to study at uni next year i can't see that happening but i feel it might help for me to do something for myself for the first time in 13 years since i had children that sound selfish but i think i feel like its something i need to do what do you think?

not sure if its part of ocd but feel tremendous guilt if i do something for me something as simple as buying a milkshake and spending $5 on myself gives me great guilt don't feel that im worth it should be getting for someone that is 

sorry this turned into a long ramble if you read this far thanks for reading