Intrusive thoughts

[Elizabeth90]

Hi there, I, like many of you on this site, suffer from the dreaded intrusive thoughts brought about by OCD. I am in my mid-twenties and only since the last year, I have experienced the onset of intrusive thoughts. As a kid, I can recall checking things constantly but then for most of my teenage years, experienced nothing and then, up until my new job (which I love), I started to analyse in my head over and over, these horrible intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and general 'strange' thoughts of things around me. I will keep this brief. At first, it was debilitating; I had panic attacks, I lost my appetite and I avoided certain environments that I used to enjoy. The physical affects were as bad as the psychological ones and at that point, I saw no way out. I began meditation, reading up on the condition and educating myself of the facts. What started to ease my anxiety was to discover that I wasn't alone and that intrusive thoughts are thoughts, not actions. It was the shame and guilt I felt over those thoughts, I would ask myself, 'what if they happened?', or 'am I a bad person?' but what I came to realise and read up on is to let them be just thoughts. Everyone has strange thoughts but from my understanding, people with intrusive thoughts get them 'stuck' in their mind through repetition and worry. Another comforting thing that I read which I hope helps all of you out there too is that no, you aren't crazy or a potential 'serial killer' because the fact that you feel so guilty and sick over the thought means you are a good person who would never carry out the horrible thoughts in your head. I will admit, I am not 'cured' and mine does come in bouts where I go for days, even weeks where I think, 'finally, it's gone' but then unexpectedly, it can return. Luckily for me, and not involving any medication, what really helped me overcome the worst part of my intrusive thoughts was opening up to my partner. Trust me, I was so worried about doing this at first, especially because some of the horrible thoughts involved them and I was so worried about losing them that I battled for months but I recently opened up and I couldn't have asked for a more supportive and understanding partner as well as pleasing outcome. I won't lie to you or to myself, they aren't completely gone and as I said, they can return in 'bouts' but the important thing to remember is that they are only thoughts. Everyone has weird thoughts...and I mean EVERYONE. You will get through this. 

[Beckinson1]

Hey Elizabeth,

Glad to hear you are able to cope much better with your intrusive thoughts now!​

Just wondering if you (or anyone for that matter) ever experienced anxiety or worry after having intrusive thoughts about getting punished somehow for having these thoughts?

When I have intrusive thoughts I often end up thinking bad things will happen to me as punishment for thinking such thoughts which I find difficult to deal with.

 Thanks

[geoff]

dear Beckinson, unfortunately this is your OCD that is making you feel like this, so can I offer an example, if someone with OCD checks locks and then rechecks them again and again, but if they don't satisfy what their OCD has told them what you need to do so that you will feel comfortable, in other words if you need to do things, 3, 4, 6  or even more times just to make you at ease, but you only check them twice, then your anxiety is only going to kick in.

Now the same happens with having intrusive thoughts and then the feeling afterwards or trying to block them from overtaking your mind, then worry and anxiety is always going to happen, and it's only when you can accept that your intrusive thoughts are able to be stopped.

Hope I have explained this well . Geoff.

[Beckinson1]

Hey Geoff,

​So you mean worry about getting punished/harm coming to me is my brain resisting me trying to shut down intrusive thoughts?

Thanks

[geoff]

dear Beckinson, your reply is rather a powerful comment, but with intrusive thoughts and perhaps I can give you one of mine that always tormented me, and it was that I always wanted to hit my dear Mum, the person I dearly loved, and would never hurt her, but these thoughts continually plagued me.

They stopped as soon as she was put into a nursing home and when I looked at her and thought why did I ever have those thoughts, so I did feel as though some harm would come to me, and what did happen maybe only by coincidence.

Our brain fights with having these intrusive thoughts because we just can't understand why on earth we have them, because there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason, so it's a struggle, so our brain does try and resist us from having them or actually trying to stop them, however what lingers is the guilt or shame associated with these thoughts, so back to me, I was always fighting with those thoughts of hurting Mum, knowing that I would never follow through and kept asking myself why the hell am I thinking like this. Geoff.

[katiebkn]

Hi hun thanks for sharing your post.

I like you worry if I am stuck with this for life.. still waiting to see a counsellors and am having a bad time at the moment.

I know how you worry about when you have kids and pets. It's hard I have both.. and my partner is away so I am on my own and scared and I absolutely adored my 1 year old gave her all the love in the world now I get anxious when she is near. It's horrible I want help and what if I can't be helped. I hope you can get better as that's all I want for myself x

[Slinky_Malinky]

We are very new to this. Our daughter is 14 years old and suffers from intrusive thoughts from time to time , and I mean suffers. They frighten and distress her ( and us ). But once our very clever doctor put a name to these thoughts and she has realised she isn't alone and we are wondering if anyone has any other strategies and coping skills for someone of her age and us as her parents. She is currently having cognitive therapy .

[KathrynJaneway]

Thank you all for sharing your stories!

Slinky Malinky (I loved those books when I was younger!), it sounds like a tough time for you and your family right now, but there is always hope for recovery. It is good that you've helped your daughter seek professional help, and I hope therapy goes well for her. I find mindfulness is good for staying in the moment, and not feeling anxious/distressed/scared by any intrusive thoughts. For me, mindfulness (and often exercise and/or a combination) can help with reducing the thoughts (at least for a while) too. Meditation mindfulness often doesn't work for me, due to being so anxious/scared, but reading passages from mindfulness books, colouring more complex pictures that I can focus on, playing music AND/OR having something on tv and then listening to all the different sounds, each individual instrument, each voice, how they work together etc are things that can help me focus on the NOW and things happening around me, and not anxious or intrusive thoughts. I find the passages can help motivate me to then practice mindfulness/seeing the world for what it is (and not what my anxiety/thoughts suggest!) in every-day situations, such as noticing the colours and sounds and prettiness of the outdoors as I walk to class etc. There are other times when I am so anxious, and have such intrusive thoughts, that I can't help but be scared/worried and thus do actions to try and alleviate that (like repeatedly checking all my cupboards, windows, doors etc if the thought of someone being in the shadows of my place is persistent and making me very scared). But I like to remember/be reminded that these are intrusive thoughts, and are no means reflective of what I will actually do, who I am, etc and that I am not crazy, weak, bad or anything like that. In terms of supporting a young person, I have found resources on beyondblue (some of which I had sent in hard copy to refer to when I need) and Mental Health First Aid Australia, to be great in teaching how to start the mental health conversation with them, how to listen, how to give support, what information/support there is to offer them or encourage them to seek etc. And also tips on how to look after yourselves and your own feelings and mental health. I did a Youth Mental Health First Aid course with Mental Health First Aid Australia and it helped me with all of that ^^ so SO much, and I have since been able to help support a few young people in my life with mental ill health.

[katiebkn]

Yep worry about that all the time. Question if they are just intrusive thoughts or if there is something terribly wrong with me.. constantly worry I will get taken away and have my kids taken off me..it's really hard to know who to talk to and who can help. I worry if I open up about my thoughts I will be punished to