Hi

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Back again, had a break through this morning, realised a part of my anxiety. Have had some rants (by myself at home) about work people being stupid. Realised why I did it.

Felt better when it was out, but ashamed for calling them that! I ended up getting sweaty & hot. Then today, deep inside me I think I'm a bad person, I am aren't I for calling people that.

That's what I feel deep down, that I'm bad. To call someone stupid, I may be being condescending & judgemental. 

I asked someone what is stupid & true stupid is maybe when your closed minded & don't listen to people. And with that, I have & been stupid, but everyone can learn to be more open minded, but it takes time.

Thank you Beyond Blue & I hope I haven't offended anyone.

[spiralshapesun]

sometimes people can be idiots and it’s completely okay to express your frustrations privately. I would argue it’s even a healthy thing to get it off your chest. I think it’s really sweet that you are so empathetic to how your words would make them feel, that’s a really great character trait to have. 

If you are truly a bad person, then you’d be saying it straight to their face, but you are not a bad person because you clearly did not do that!

I hope that your situation with your work mates improves. When you’re feeling better, I wonder if you can talk to them or your manager about what it is that is upsetting you? 

[JacintaMarie]

Hi 

Spiralshapesun, Thanks for that, I'm feeling better now & I don't even know what I could say to them.  last time I did, the girl turned it around onto me, so I felt it was my fault, I think their behaviour  triggers me & I need to learn to not to take it personally. Sometimes my team leader gives me deja vu with her behaviour, loud, seemingly talking down to me, it reminds me of old team leader. If I do say something, she'll put it back on me & blame. She can't help it, this is her, she's a stressful person, I find I just want to be quiet, so I don't interrupt or say wrong thing. She is new to team leader job, so I can understand she's learning how to deal with staff & may have picked up wrong way from old tl & it may take long time for her to settle down, to tell truth, part of my anxiety I feel it's me making them angry then like cycle I get frustrated & have rant - go off at them (at home), then guilty & cycle starts again. I don't even really know myself.It makes me feel better, that I don't mean it, when I say it, though sometimes I think they are stupid & thanks for saying that people can be idiots at times,  I think our brains develop all our lives, there isn't a age where it stops apart from some people whose brains don't, due to something going wrong with them and they get stuck looking only one way(I don't mean any offence by that)Today, my Mum said, when I think negatively, it's like it's a drug, as though I need my dose of negetive.

Thanks

Hopefully I can break my cycle of never ending negetive thoughts

[Richju]

Hi JacintaMarie,

It seems that you are doing a lot of thinking and I wondered if you like to try the Smiling Mind meditation app to learn to still your mind a little. As they are generally negative, our thoughts can often get in the way if our happiness. Learning to relax, even for a short time during the day can be very beneficial.

I hope this helps and you continue to post.

Love and hugs,

Richju xxxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Thanks, yeah I'm thinking, just want to try & understand what my triggers are. 

Partly it's hormones & an addiction - addicted to negative thoughts & thinking. I'm listening to happy music to get me happy

[Richju]

Hey again JacintaMarie,

Those old hormones! That's one good thing about growing old - the hormones settle down. Have you talked to your doctor about help with that issue? My negative thoughts were always much worse around hormone blasting time but walking helped too.

What music do you enjoy?

Looking forward to your next post.

Ruchju xxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Ruchju,

No I haven't but I should, shouldn't I? Sometimes I wonder if I say the negetive thoughts about people because I need something to blame, if I say negetive things, then I can tell myself I'm bad & or get people to tell me good stuff.I did another post today, I had a cry, which made me feel better, & my body feels almost better, nearly got everything out. It's the end of my curse, so hormones are getting back to normal, but why do I say negetive things about work people, where does it come from. Is it just hormones, I'm just sick of them, sick of being negetive- of not being positive. 

[Richju]

Hi JacintaMarie,

Often when we don't like ourselves, we project that dislike on to others by saving unkind or critical things about them. I find it's better to understand that no one is perfect and we need to accept ourselves and others as they are.

My very best friend is very judgemental but I love her to bits. My worse fault is probably passive aggression but I'm learning to communicate my boundaries and have them respected.

All this takes a long time but I have found that meditation helps.

I'm sure you are a basically good person JacintaMarie but you seem so hard on yourself so that's probably why you tend to be hard on others.

In your next post, I hope you can tell us at least one good thing about yourself.

Looking forward to hearing it.

Love and warm hugs

Richju xxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Richju

Thanks for that. It makes sense, however I don't want to be hard on others. But to like myself.

I've got two good things, one I came back from holidays & there was a binding invoice to pay, it had been sitting in inbox for ages. I had to get signatures, so I did, felt excited as I did it. But it turned out it was too early, had to wait until was checked. At lunch I had the bad thoughts, but told them to stop.  It took a little while, but it did stop. 

Second good thing, I managed to do a digital esignature for three people, instead of printing it out. 

[Richju]

This all sounds good JacintaMarie. Keep the positives coming!

Warm regards,

Richju xxxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Richju

Thanks. my curse (period) is finished. But am looking for some serotonin tablets, to keep mood up. 

I do notice at work, people's moods go up & down, alot. A small thing can make them feel bad.