Hi

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Back again, had a break through this morning, realised a part of my anxiety. Have had some rants (by myself at home) about work people being stupid. Realised why I did it.

Felt better when it was out, but ashamed for calling them that! I ended up getting sweaty & hot. Then today, deep inside me I think I'm a bad person, I am aren't I for calling people that.

That's what I feel deep down, that I'm bad. To call someone stupid, I may be being condescending & judgemental. 

I asked someone what is stupid & true stupid is maybe when your closed minded & don't listen to people. And with that, I have & been stupid, but everyone can learn to be more open minded, but it takes time.

Thank you Beyond Blue & I hope I haven't offended anyone.

[Richju]

Dear JacintaMarie,

I feel that you are anxious rather than stupid. You may have used an unfortunate word but at least you released your anxiety. This made you feel better until your guilty feelings came in. 

Our negative thoughts cause anxiety and guilt.

What about an apology explaining you have been stressed and irritated but admitting that the word you used could have been a little hurtful.

Then perhaps see a counsellor who can help you to control those negative thoughts.

But please don't call yourself stupid. We all make mistakes, especially when we are anxious.

I hope this helps a bit and that you'll continue to post so we know how you are going.

Warmest regards 

Richju xxxxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks Richju

Luckily I didn't say it to anyone, just by myself, just ashamed what came out in my rant. I ended up writing stuff down in a journal.

[Richju]

Hi JacintaMarie,

I think you're being extremely hard on yourself. I'd keep on with that diary and write some good stuff about yourself. I'm sure there's plenty ro write. We all have off days but it doesn't mean we're bad people.

Can you send us a post stating three good things about yourself?

Lots of hugs,

Richju xxxxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Richju

3 good things....tis hard one.

1) I finished 3 paint by numbers

2) I figured out how to scan perfectly

3) AM looking after a house

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

I realised something else, that I'm anxious about my management and all the bad thoughts is partly from that anxiety. I feel bad that I'm not giving them a chance, they're basically new. The most experience they've got is 4 years, at most.  18 months at least, their doing a good job. I'm trying to tell myself, in another 5-10 years, they'll be even better. Or maybe it's ptsd from my previous Team Leader, who, in hindsight, was neither good or bad & who complained alot.

Feel abit better saying this out loud, I've spent ages wondering what is triggering my anxiety. I was triggered by the seemingly easy comment of "Make sure you scan this so it's nice for the lawyer". Instead of just saying "Can you scan this please" silly I know, And the person is just unlawful.

But another part is ashamed that I feel like this towards management, that I feel like I'm loosing respect for them. I'm on holiday, so am relaxing & trying to get back to healthy mentalness.I am bad & am like the people going off at new politicians for not being good enough when their new.

It was yesterday that the epiphany came to me. 

[Richju]

Hi JacintaMarie,

You seem to be doing well but if your anxiety returns, I'd recommend that you talk to one of the Beyond Blue counsellors who can give you immediate help rather than waiting for a reply from the forum.

Looking forward to hearing from you again,

Warmest regards 

Richju xxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Hi 

Will do, & thanks for your help. I managed to talk to someone else & feel better.

Failed with the thoughts but back on track again.

[Richju]

Well done JacintaMarie! Let's talk about progress and forget failure. You're doing well. I hope you continue to post so we can all celebrate your achievements.

Warm hugs,

Richju xxxxxxx

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks, I try too. It's just learning not to be triggered by people's behaviour at work.