Did COVID make anyone else realise how fragile the human life is?

[Dove20]

COVID made me realize how fragile we are... it has now given me a new form of anxiety... anxiety about losing loved ones. Does anyone else feel this way?

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

Thank you for explaining about your family situation. It does make sense now.

COVID has a lot to answer for. Those out of work are finding it hard going I know. The job seeker and job keeper payments only go so far.

Interesting you feel you do not want to use your brain at the moment. Do you think this exacerbate your mental ill-health? I have always found giving myself something to think about other than my problems has been beneficial. However, it does depend on how unwell you feel and what you decide to do to get your mind away from your problems.

Doing simple tasks that you enjoy may be good for you. I really enjoy scrapbooking. It's not the most difficult of things to do but it keeps my mind occupied. Similarly when I am sewing my cross stitch projects. These things bring me pleasure and take away for a time the pressures of life. It does need a careful choice but so rewarding. I found reading difficult when when my depression was bad. TV was a little helpful if there was something I enjoyed but it had a limited appeal. Horses, as they say, for courses.

I think 2020 will be a year we remember in many different ways. Fires, floods, COVID, drought have all caused major problems for all Australians. I believe we will get though all of this but we will not be able to return to our previous way of life. The old 'normal' has gone and we must make a new 'normal'. I think older people will struggle with this although they are generally the most accepting of change. Personal lives have been upended and change thrust upon us not all due to COVID. Yes we know how fragile we are but we are also capable of getting up and starting again. That's the wonder and greatness of the human person. I think I will be sad to leave this world when my time comes because it could be such an exciting time.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,

How have you’ve been? I must admit I haven’t been well which is why I’ve been slow to reply.

It is true that COVID has a lot to answer for. It has been really tough not being able to find a second job. My current job reduced my hours to 1 -2 short shifts a week. Some weeks, I get no shifts. So I don’t really know what to do with myself. My savings will only take me so far. I guess this is one of the factors that has been really getting me down in the dusts.

I think, enjoying simple tasks is really difficult right now because all my mind can think of are my finances. I can’t really help it. I tried painting, reading, going for walks with my dog and even watching movies but my mind cannot stop thinking…. About my finances. Doesn’t that just suck? Even when I try to do simple things and enjoy the simple things in life, I can’t. These intrusive thoughts just invade my mind and sort of make me feel guilty for not putting my 100% to better my family and I’s circumstances. My family has never been wealthy so I was raised to truly think about our finances 24/7.

My depression also makes it hard to do things as well. I feel like I’ve been actively trying to get myself out of this episode but nothing seems to be working. I think many things exacerbated my mental health issues, but I think not using my brain is not one of them. Previously, I used to push myself to be busy all the time to avoid my thoughts and issues but after a few years of this pattern, it became evident that this was debilitating. My anxiety got worse, I felt physically sick almost everyday and my brain just would not take in any more information. I could not critically think anymore and I could not even complete any of my readings for uni. My brain had just had enough. I guess its why I decided to slow down my life for a while, and just focus on finding a job that is tedious and monotoned so that I wouldn’t need to use my brain like I used to.

2020 seems to be rushing by so quickly. I keep reading that life will never be the same anymore. I think many people will struggle with this, including me. It saddens me that my grandpa can no longer see his friends as he is at risk. It’s sad that he won’t get to enjoy the last remaining years of his life the way he wants to.

Dove.

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

How are you feeling today? Hope it's better than the past few days.

Employment is difficult in some areas while other areas have jobs that need to be filled. It depends where you live. And it's a bit scary to realise we need to dig into our savings to get by. I hope you find more work soon.

I am concerned you cannot shut down these thoughts which worry so much. I know we have difficulty in stopping them altogether even though you need some respite. Have you considered talking with a therapist? Perhaps you could go to your GP and let them know how distressed you feel. Ask for a referral to a psychologist under a mental health plan. Medicare pays part of these fees for ten visits per year in the same way you get rebates when seeing a doctor. Can you see your GP soon? Ask him/her to find a psych who bulk bills. There is a gap fee usually.

Devoting yourself to your family is not something I would suggest to you. You need to get out of the house and mix with others for part of each day to stop your mental health deteriorating. From what you have said I think you worry far too much. Borrowing trouble from the future is a waste of time and energy as you cannot predict what will happen. Have you ever tried Mindfulness? This is one definition.

Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. ... When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we're sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.

If you have not come across it before give Mr Google a try.

Slowing down your brain is OK to give you some respite. However you are not slowing down. You constantly worrying about what may or may not happen. This is why I suggest you try Mindfulness. I think it will help. Do not be despondent if nothing happens immediately. You need to practice it understand and 'get' what happens in your brain/mind.

Must dash off. I keep saying that don't I? I have my appointment at the hospital for my treatment. I hope your day goes well.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,


How was your hospital trip?


I was wondering if I can turn to you for some wisdom and advice? I’ve been preoccupied with some thoughts and it has honestly gotten me stumped and down in the dust. This year, my anxiety has gotten worse. It has affected me to the point where I cannot go outside sometimes or even go to work. However, I have been trying to push through like you advised a few posts back and I have to say that your words did help. I did feel a sense of accomplishment when I’d finish a shift.


I’ve come across a new problem though: anxiety while job hunting. Did you have anxiety while job hunting?


I am young, but somehow I feel pressured to find a ‘real job’ outside of my retail job. However, the thought of being committed to a real job gives me heart palpitations. I don’t know why. Should I hold off applying for ‘real jobs’ that may worsen my anxiety or just go for it? I have a friend who always says that if we wait until we are ready to do something then we’d be waiting for the rest of our lives. I know that we all have our timelines and that I shouldn’t feel pressured to rush things, but sometimes I fall into the pressure. I think my thought process about this is a bit something like this: that next year my anxiety will not be as bad as it is now and then I’ll be ‘ready’ and able to commit to an office job and its tasks. I guess I’m afraid that if I do get a new job, and that if my anxiety gets worse and it affects my ability to go to work or do tasks then I’d have to quit. I guess I’m also worried about the shame that will come if I do succumb to my anxiety…

Dove

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

Thank you for your compliment. You must remember I am not a qualified therapist. What I say comes from my own experiences and observation. I have suggested you see a psychologist and I know this will pose difficulties for your anxiety about leaving but maybe your GP can help you find someone who will talk to you via a web link at least to start with. Medicare can pay for these calls.

Why is your job not real? You enjoy the work and get paid for it. Do others think you can get a better paying job? Does that matter to you? May I ask what sort of retail area you work in. Not that it makes any difference, a job is a job. Or does someone think your job has a low status and wants you to improve yourself? Damned rude I call it.

I have been retired for a while but I do not remember being anxious about any jobs I worked in or about finding a new job. Disappointment if I did not get a job I applied for, yes, but not the end of the world. I do get anxious about some matters and it feels very uncomfortable. This is where I dive into my hobbies and give them my whole attention so that I cannot brood over the whatever. It does help me and certainly gives relief. Our brains are capable of doing several things at the same time but that does not mean we should allow this to happen.

I'm not sure I agree entirely with your friend about waiting. There is often a time in our lives when we feel we must change direction about something we do (or don't do) and it does become easier as we have settled the should I/shouldn't I question. I think we may miss out on something by consciously waiting until a more favourable time but that may be because we are not ready. It can turn into an excuse for doing nothing which is what your friend means I suspect. It's very true that people get comfortable in being uncomfortable and simply decide that they will not change because of the perceived upheaval. A bit like a marriage break up where one or both partners want to leave but lack the energy to do anything. It may be a hard place but it's a place they know and going somewhere else is a bit scary.

Please do not blame yourself if things do not go well and that includes anxiety. Being ashamed about mental illness (MI) is a viewpoint of many people because they are taught to be ashamed. The reactions we get from the community puts us under huge pressure which is unwarranted. I think you would be surprised to know how many of your colleagues have a MI. Out of words. Post later.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,

I was hanging out with my friend one day and I guess we had an honest conversation about this topic. He said that by not getting a ‘real job’ at an office or so, I would be wasting my time trying to get a degree as my current job does not require any qualifications (I work in a clothing store). We used to go to uni together; he had said I had so much potential and that he thinks that I can do much more with my life than just folding clothes all day. Thinking about it now I can see that he does think my job is low status. He works in an IT department at a reputable bank so I guess he thinks that my job is on the bottom end of the ladder.

At the time, I guess I appreciated his honesty. We started at the same place and now years later, we’re in completely different places/stages in life. I guess he attributed that to my anxiety. It did make me feel some pressure to change. It kept me down in the dust for a few days too as I didn’t know how to change jobs without my anxiety getting in the way of things. When I was thinking about all these things, the more I became aware that he was right about one thing: my slow pace in my career is due to my anxiety. It didn’t stop me from thinking about what other things he may be right about. My potential being wasted, that waiting until I’m ready to do things is pointless... I don’t know. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. I don't have many friends who have MI. I don’t think people who don’t have MI understand.

Dove.

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

That's a good friend you have, telling you how things appear to him. I think it must have hurt a little. I feel you, and anyone else in a similar position, need to decide what you want. Leaving your anxiety out of the equation for the moment (I know that's hard) what would you like to do/be? This is really the only question to answer. If you feel you are looked down on in some way and you dislike it, what are your options?

Changing jobs is an obvious step but what if this job is really what you enjoy doing. I suspect your anxiety will get worse if you work in a different field when you are happy in your current field.

If your friend is correct and you are marking time until the 'right' moment comes it is a bit pointless. I understand your anxiety will cause you to doubt everything you do and staying where you are is an attractive prospect as it causes less stress and you know where you are. This is a difficult situation and needs much consideration.

I am happy to talk with you about the process of changing careers but you do need to be sure this is what you want, not what you feel pressured into doing. You are the important person here.

I may not be able to post for a couple of days as I have been unwell. I came here in case you had posted and needed a reply. Hopefully this illness will pass in a couple of days.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary..

Sorry for not replying sooner. My reason for being MIA.... I hate to admit it, but I relapsed into a hot mess of anxiety. Only the past few days I've been able to function properly again. I don't understand why this is happening. It just sucks sometimes dealing with this.

I have been following your advice on pushing through with work though. Even though I am not working full time, the few days a week I work makes me feel exhausted for days. My anxiety takes up so much of my energy, it leaves me with no energy to socialise with my friends or do anything else. Did you feel this way when dealing with anxiety?

How are you? Are you still unwell?

Dove.

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

I feel you.

I also feel like since going back to normal

Things have not been the same. People on a whole are more stressed .

work seems to want more than ever and

i feel like everyone is running on empty.

anyone else finding this?