Conversation

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

Life
Does everyone feel like this?
The amazing highs the frightening lows,
The constant questioning
What is everyone else thinking?
Does everyone replay each conversation over and over again?
Is it normal to think about what they said and did not say and how people will respond or what they don’t do in response?
‘Stop worrying’
And ‘you do you ‘
Is what I often get told
But how? How does someone not think of more?

[white knight]

Hi,

Most of what you're describing is intrusive uncontrolled thoughts. Yes I've had them and rarely do I have them now.

What else is going on like your highs and lows would need diagnosis. Emotional highs and lows or moods? It's a minefield really hence the need for a professional.

How I got rid of intrusive thoughts is to assess the changes necessary to rid my life of anxiety...the root cause.

Google

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Repost anytime

Regards TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear TheLastSlice ofBread~

You are always worth thinking about and giving my best answer, if you find me popping up in each thread too often my apologies, however I always relate, at least in part and htat makes me want to respond.

This poem is different, it is direct and tells the story of what you are at and other people giving you "helpful" instructions.

I'll start by giving your own words back to you

"I’m not perfect
Nor am i a defect
This is just the way it is
My life
My journey
My me"

You are someone who is very sensitive to the reactions and behavior of others and do not have confidence in yourself, and that makes life hard, an additional dimension in your life you have to deal with. Sadly those around are not the same and simply say words to the effect "just deal with it" (my paraphrase I know).

That is no reflection on you or the way you are, it is a mirror held up reflecting their own lack of understanding and true life experience. It simply does not apply.

The way you feel, the ups and downs, the thoghts of others, the reliving of past interactions are like many who have these.

I have an anxiety condition with very similar ways of thinking, and this that kept getting worse and eventually I sought medical help, now I have a balance. Still that extra dimension, but muted, tolerable, even useful.

It is hard for you to judge as you do not know what is "normal". Do you have any freinds or family that do understand from their own experience and guide you?

If you want to talk about it please do, you are worth thoughtful responses as you find your way.

Croix

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

Your responses have been incredibly validating for me which helps with my anxiety around if I just don’t get life.

I too take medication. It’s has been a life saver. I can now function. Before medication I found I had too many trains of thought happening which resulted in panic attack or inability to move or make basic decisions.

I still find some ‘normal’ things difficult but I am sensitive and am learning to accept that this is also ok.

it’s been a big journey with mental health proffesionals to get here and I will continue to work on improving my mental health.

getting help and reaching out has been of the utmost importance. Thank you for your support

[geoff]

Hello TheLastSlice ofBread, it could quite easily be 'intrusive thoughts' as Tony has said and these occur due to anxiety as we often keep questioning ourselves, whether or not what we're thinking may be right or it will happen, so we are unable to settle on any final decision.

Worry is a habit that won't be solved at any time by problem solving and most times we keep them secret only because we are ashamed of what we keep thinking about and keep questioning ourselves.

You believe that you unconsciously want to do the things that come into your mind, thankfully it doesn't happen but still causes great discomfort, that's why you need someone to help you rationalise what you're thinking about.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

Worry has been something that has been in my life for as long as I can remember.

I am getting better at identifying rational worries and irrational worries. However social situations are still the hardest to work out.
constantly thinking about what they might have meant and how they may have interpreted my response.

I now know sometimes I just need to put the my concern out there despite the embarrassment of it just so I can let it then leave my mind

i also know that my inner monologue/critic is my enemy. I refer to this bully as Nancy.
I now say to my partner Nancy is being very loud today so he knows how to support me. I also sometimes just say aloud no Nancy go away.
I know it sounds silly but making this inner voice someone else and not myself helps me to let the obsessive thoughts go

[geoff]

Hello TLSB, apologise for briefing your username.

What you have said in your last sentence is by no way being silly, that's exactly what I do because to us these thoughts seem to be another person talking to us and it's quite acceptable.

Sometimes what we believe are our rational thoughts or our thinking one day, may not be so another day, that's the confusion it causes us.

If you want to express how you are thinking, then to us, it could be embarrassing but that's determined by us, whereas others may think it's logical, that's a hurdle we have to overcome.

Many of our worries do happen in social conditions because we aren't comfortable with ourselves and have no confidence.

This is a good thread.

Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear TheLastSlice ofBread~

"Does everyone replay each conversation over and over again?"

I rather like your giving those anxiety-based thoughts another given name, it is not you after all, but another influence impinging on you. Naming it is a reminder it is not you.

Unfortunately Nancy is not amenable to reason, If you are like I've been then no amount of reassurance, no amout of logic will stop the endless replay, one which places you as inept or at fault.

There are two main tools I use at the time - I'm not taking here about lifestyle, therapy or meds -which are all long term - but just dealing with each instance as it occurs. Pardon me if you are already aware of these.

The first is exercise, with distraction, getting you out of the environment where you have been static and thinking in circles, giving you mind the task of dealing with new surroundings and the sensations of bodily activity.

The second, to break that chain, or place me in a calmer mood, is to use the free smartphone app, Smiling Mind. It takes practice but it's worth it. There are exercises there for even the most inattentive and preoccupied of minds, and it works.

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

Having a partner you can say you are in the grip of 'Nancy' is pure gold. It creates a harmony that the unexplained actions will never do and at the same time is inclusive, your lives are closer.

I also am in that happy position (though she is just as likely to tell me when I'm in that state) and can offer perspective, calming my more catastrophizing mental preoccupations.

Actually you do 'get life', your poetry is so spot on and shows that at that level at least you go get it more than many.

Croix