Did COVID make anyone else realise how fragile the human life is?

[Dove20]

COVID made me realize how fragile we are... it has now given me a new form of anxiety... anxiety about losing loved ones. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Sophie_M]

Hey Dove20,

We're so sorry to hear that this pandemic has made you feel anxiety about losing a loved one. We understand that it must be so tough to be sitting with these feelings, but we are really grateful that you have taken the big step in sharing here. Please know that this is a safe and non-judgemental space, and our friendly community is here to help support you. 

If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. This website is regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

Thanks for sharing this. I am sure many people are more anxious about the health of family and friends especially when we learn about infection rates and deaths. It is very confronting. If you look at the home page of beyond blue you can read 'Looking after your mental health during the corona virus outbreak'. There are various resources you can utilise including counselling options.

It can be useful to talk about our fears and worries and this forum is a good place to post. As living beings we are fragile in a world of so much potential danger. However, as you have said, it has taken this pandemic to make us realise how fragile we can be. It has been a shock to many people I believe. Safety precautions have been put in place but then gives rise to a new set of events.

For example, I am an older person with a major medical condition. I need to be isolated as much as possible, even from my family. I find I cannot spend my time 24/7 alone in my home as I am not used to being on my own for such long periods. I made the decision to go out to various places but going when there is a reduced risk, as far as I can tell. I go shopping, but do so early in the day when there are few people around.

My children are very protective about me and I love them for that. They do some jobs that would bring me into potential contact with the virus. I also have to attend a hospital for treatment every week and of course that means more potential contact even though everyone is screened before entering the hospital. I guess we can only do our best to keep well physically but we also need to take steps to remain mentally healthy.

Have you spoken to family members about keeping safe? I do not know your family circumstances so can only speak generally. If you are concerned about anyone in particular it would be useful to get on to the govt website and learn how to implement the best precautions. You are probably taking all necessary precautions for yourself and realise how hard it is to keep your loved ones safe unless they choose to do these things.

I think our lives will never be quite the same once this pandemic is over. If I may suggest, can you ask the more vulnerable family members to take reasonable precautions? Help them to make a routine that will ensure they are as little exposed as possible while accepting that we all need other people in our lives, preferably in person. Video and phone are good but do not offer the same comfort as being with someone.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your kind words. It is really nice getting a response... My family is taking precautions and are doing their best to stay safe. But despite this, I find that I still have been really fearful of them potentially being gone. I have to say, I'm sad that it has taken a pandemic for me to realize how grateful I am for my family. I know that one day they won't be with me anymore... but honestly, I'm not sure what I'd do without them. Do you have any words of wisdom on dealing with this inevitable situation?

You say you have children. How many do you have? I can't help but wonder if they have the same fear as I do..

Stay safe, especially when going to the hospital!!

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

I have four children, all grown up with their own families. I am sure they get anxious at times and want to tell me what to do. Sometimes I tell one daughter she thinks she is my mother. And it's true, she does want to protect me and keep me safe. I am in Qld where we are not having such a difficult time as other states. Infection rate is much smaller which makes us all feel better.

We all know we will die one day and parents generally pass away before children, but COVID has brought us face to face with the possibility very personally. As with all events that have the potential to cause sadness it takes time to process the information. Six months is not long to come to terms with such potential grief. I feel it is a kind of mourning for the possibility of losing someone(s). In some ways it seems that each day we get up brings the potential back again and again.

It seems to me that people are taking time to spend with their families. Moving around and going where we please is no longer possible. Instead families are enjoying being with each other. I think this is a positive outcome as families build good memories and live in a loving atmosphere. I suspect it will be good for the mental health of everyone. Now that you have realised how grateful you are for your family and how much you love them, it's good to tell them sometimes.

You can change your lives because this is something in your control. Worry for the future does not help as this is beyond your control. Easy for me to say I know, but not always easy to do. Instead focus on day to day events which you can influence to be more comfortable. I know when my mom died it was so unexpected. But in reality I knew this would happen in the future, just not knowing exactly when. We have been forewarned this may happen sooner that we expect but no one can predict when or if.

My suggestion is to live each day enjoying your family. Build memories and keep yourself as resilient as possible. Meditate, practice mindfulness, whatever you enjoy and if you lose a family member you will have happy memories of their life.

I hope that helps.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your words. I'm happy to hear that your chicks have become hens. I chuckled when I read that you state that one of your daughters thinks she is your mother. I feel I act the same way about my parents. I can't help it sometimes. I just worry about them, a lot. Sometimes, an unbearable amount to the point where it makes me sick to my stomach for days thinking about all the bad things that could possibly happen to them.

Yes, I also agree that we all know that we will eventually die one day and that COVID has brought us even closer to this thought. I know this is the circle of life but it's scary... knowing that one day, you'd be alone with no one left to care about you. I think it is especially worse if you're financially not well off and can't pay for anyone to take care of you or afford to live in a nursing home. I think I am struggling with this thought the most.

You said that worrying about the future does not help as it is beyond our control. I agree... and worrying only makes us suffer twice. But it is hard to control our thoughts sometimes. Even though I consciously can rationalize my thoughts, I can't help but feel a certain way about things. My anxiety does not go away... It makes it hard to do even basic things like go outside... It also does not help when I can't find any motivation to go outside.

You stated that your kids are all grown and have families of their own. How are you spending your spare time now? Do you have any fur babies that you are now taking care of?

Thank you for giving me some words of wisdom, Mary.

[White_Rose]

Hello Dove

Thanks for your reply. I always smile when someone says they agree about something with the their mind but not with their emotions. It's so true. It does take time for the conscious thought to trickle through the system and line up with the emotions. My lovely GP taught me that and I hold on to it when my mind and emotions are at war with each other.

If we consciously think about something and try to see the best in it or how self defeating it is then we are on the way, but it does take practice. Every time one of these thoughts pops its head up we need to counter it with something positive and that's not always easy. However over time the less emotional thought will wear a new pathway in the brain helping us to automatically switch to that better way of thinking. It does take time. If I may suggest, when one of these thoughts intrudes can you try and sit with it? No judgments about yourself and no trying to banish the thought by willpower. Simply acknowledge its presence and let it wash over you. It may be a bit painful but not as much as fighting it.

Before COVID I had quite a full life and in fact used to long for a day or two with nothing to do as it were. Isolation has meant giving up some of these things or doing them differently. I have returned to my hobbies of scrapbooking and cross stitching. I do get a lot of enjoyment from them and they help to focus my mind on something constructive instead of being miserable. In the past few months I started to get panic attacks which I have not had for years. Very disappointing but this is where my hobbies come in. I am so pleased I have something to focus at these times.

No fur babies. This is the first home I have had without an attendant dog. Instead I make do with the grandchildren when I see them. I did have some goldfish but when they died I decided not to get more. I enjoy watching the birds in the back garden and how they squabble over the scraps I put out. I get Crows, Magpies, Mynahs, Lorikeets, Kookaburras and Ibis. It's a soothing occupation and when I sit outside I find many of the birds just ignore me and do their thing.

Mary

[Dove20]

Hi Mary,


Yes, I think trying to counter our negative thoughts with positive will take a lot of practice. I've never really done this.. at all. I think sitting with negative thoughts will be painful... I'm not sure if it will be more painful than pushing the thought away and waiting until the thought comes back again. I hate when I’m faced with situations like these I just push the thought away and wait until a later date to worry about it. But when I do push these thoughts away, the emotions linger and they keep me down. And later, when the thoughts come back again I suffer through the same emotions over again. It’s a constant cycle. Why am I like this?



Today is a particularly bad day. I woke up and my depression got the best of me again. My fears and anxiety came back and hit. It hit really hard. It is quite hard to do many things when this happens. I'm even more afraid when I have to work full time and worry about how I can work 5/7 days a week when my depression hits me so often.

I think... this thought has particularly been circulating my mind for a long time. I've never really sat and just let it wash over me like you suggested but maybe I'll give it a try. I have to admit that it is a really big fear of mine to let anyone know that I feel so down, so often. I don’t want anyone to know about my mental illness. I’m worried that once they’ll know they’ll judge me for being weak, not knowing how to ‘handle my emotions’, or how I ‘can’t separate work from home life’.


Did you suffer from these things when you were working? And if you did, how did you cope? I'm not sure how to really sit and think about this. I think it also does not help that I’ve been feeling really lost lately. I feel like I have no direction in life. I’m not sure what to do. Sometimes I try to talk to my friends about these things but I feel like no one knows how to really talk about these things so they just offer words like ‘go outside’ but these things don’t help.

Wow! You have so many birds that you get to birdwatch. I definitely agree that seeing nature like that would be soothing and calming. How lucky are you! Is this the reason why you’ve decided to not get any more pets?


What kind of things are you scrapbooking? That sounds interesting.

Do you have any suggestions for some hobbies I may enjoy? I don’t think I’ve had a hobby in a long time; I'm not really sure what I enjoy. I'm a bit lost in most things in life really.

Dove.

[Gambit87]

A little, I've been a bit more concerned about my mortality and especially the mortality of my parents.

COVID has made me realise how precious life is and how much we take for granted. Its made me realise that we dont really stop for a minute and take a look around at what makes life beautiful.

[tranzcrybe]

Yes, Gambit, positive and negative must live in harmony for one cannot exist without the other - Nature will always restore the balance.

But as you observed, undesirable events can positively elevate neglected fundamentals to highlight values of what is truly important.

Mortality, in itself, is not a concern for me; but rather the separation it produces from loved ones is the actual sadness. But I feel we are given life to make those strong memories, and as their spirit lives on in us, so too we impart such qualities on those around us.