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Chris_B Forums etiquette: give support to receive support
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newb... View more

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newbies are welcomed when they first post, and we understand that it’s a big step to post for the first time on a forum like this, especially if you aren’t feeling great. It’s important to remember, though, that these forums are a community of real people, just like you, not a one-on-one support environment like going to see your psychologist. To get the best out of being here, one of the best tips we can offer is give support to receive support. Being a good community member means: participating in different threads (not just your own), replying to people who have taken the time to reply to you (even if it’s just to say thank you), and... posting words of emotional support and encouragement when you see others who are hurting and reaching out. You don’t have to feel obliged to solve the problems of others: that’s not what we’re here for. But you can offer empathy and what you’ve learned from your own life experiences, even if it’s just a line or two, eg. “I don't know what to say, but I want to give you my support and tell you I care about what is happening to you and hope life will get better soon.” Try to develop an interest in the journeys of others here on the forums. You may be surprised at how good being an active, caring member here can make you feel. For those of you who have had good experiences giving support here on the forums, please post in this thread here and let us know how it has helped you on your journey.

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Kazkat Tips to help feel more control in life
  • replies: 3

Hi I have had anxiety since I was a child. I can't remember a time when anxiety didnt control my thoughts. I am really interested in anyone's tips on strategies to feel more in control of your life and in your relationship

Hi I have had anxiety since I was a child. I can't remember a time when anxiety didnt control my thoughts. I am really interested in anyone's tips on strategies to feel more in control of your life and in your relationship

Frogsong Loneliness
  • replies: 30

Is it just me or are there others out there who have trouble making friends. I've lived in the area for such a long time but can't seem to find my niche. I've tried on several occasions to participate in different things but for one reason or another... View more

Is it just me or are there others out there who have trouble making friends. I've lived in the area for such a long time but can't seem to find my niche. I've tried on several occasions to participate in different things but for one reason or another, my anxiety and fear of being rejected takes over. I know it's something l have to try and overcome but it's really hard and I am 60. I'm very kind and tolerant, married to a man who l know loves me, but he isn't social which doesn't help. If it wasn't for my kids, l think l would just pack up and go. So if there's any one who is going through similar things I'd love to hear from you.

Ab67 Scared mum of anxious teen
  • replies: 4

Scared mum of anxious teen here. She took herself to Headspace for crisis counselling. I am so proud that she knows where to turn for support when she needs it. But I am very unhappy with the advice she tells me was given - that there should be no re... View more

Scared mum of anxious teen here. She took herself to Headspace for crisis counselling. I am so proud that she knows where to turn for support when she needs it. But I am very unhappy with the advice she tells me was given - that there should be no restrictions on her computer use (which means she will be up late (12-3am) even on a school night and that I should talk to her less (stop going into her room, which means I do not see her when she is home) and communicate more by text (which she does not answer). I find this advice incredible and unworkable. Three appointments in and we now only see our daughter when she leaves the house for school and her one outing with friends on the weekend. She doesn’t join us for meals. She barely eats. She is disconnected, and getting more disconnected to her family with every day - but seems happy out with her friends. It’s Sunday and I expect she will spend from Sat 3pm to Mon 7:30 am in bed with her computer, and give me daggers if I go in to see her. Any suggestions to engage with me and the world are shot down and I am asked to leave her alone. Headspace do not include me as a parent in the sessions and I totally respect my daughters privacy if that is what she wants/ needs. But spending more time alone in bed on a computer seems like very bad advice to me and our relationship is deteriorating daily. Can anyone suggest the best ways I can support my daughter? Anxiety sufferers please help me understand - Is it good advice for her to stay in bed for extended times? Do I respect my daughters wishes and leave her alone or disrespect them by trying to engage with her? Thank you the advice

Indeed Anxious feelings about my girlfriend
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone I have been in a relationship with this girl for a couple months now and so far everything has been great. Lots of affection and deep conversations etc. But I can never shake the feeling of it all going to crap. Every now and then (more c... View more

Hi everyone I have been in a relationship with this girl for a couple months now and so far everything has been great. Lots of affection and deep conversations etc. But I can never shake the feeling of it all going to crap. Every now and then (more common recently) I have strong thoughts of her cheating, lying about her loving me, or manipulating me for some malicious purpose. I want to talk to her about it so I can be comforted and whatnot but she is not an emotionally stable person and has breakdowns every now and then. I feel as if just the idea will trigger one. She has also said in her most recent one that it was triggered because she felt as if she was a burden on the people around her and felt as if the people who love her, felt as if she didnt love them back. Today was even worse because my brain was tired and I couldnt rationalise my thoughts like usual so I had a small depressive episode. I have a tendency to overanalyse stupid things and was getting the impression from her recent messages (snapchat) that she was geting fed up with me, and that is what sort of triggered it. I want to be able to talk to her and be comforted by her the same way she says I do for her but I feel that is impossible. Is there a way I can deal with these types of emotions and intrusive thoughts without involving her? Sorry for this being a bit rambly and I will clarify anything in replies.

Tamrby I don't know if this is normal but...
  • replies: 2

Okay so 3 years ago I had a few panic attacks, they were horrible but when they stopped happening I thought I was done with it. However now I feel it coming back, I'm not too sure what it is to be honest but I get the biggest pit in my stomach like t... View more

Okay so 3 years ago I had a few panic attacks, they were horrible but when they stopped happening I thought I was done with it. However now I feel it coming back, I'm not too sure what it is to be honest but I get the biggest pit in my stomach like the ones you get when you get caught doing something really bad or something but the come multiple times a day. My legs shake and go numb and I start hyperventilating. Normally I can calm myself down if I'm in the middle of class as I don't want anything to happen but It's becoming harder to manage. I already struggle to act "normal" in school and I get more nervous thinking about the people in my class and what they'd think if I broke down in my class... I really don't want the panic attacks to come back. Anyone got any tips on how to prolong panic attacks to I can at least make it to the end of class, breathing techniques don't really work on me and I'm often silently suffering because I don't want to annoy my friends or making anyone think I want attention or anything, believe me in that situation thats the last thing I want. Anyways any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks

Marie547 Why is my anxiety back? - Confused
  • replies: 4

Hello, I have been a long time sufferer with anxiety and I generally manage it pretty well on my own. 5 years ago it was at an all time high, around that point in life I felt lost and lonely, not many things seemed to be going right for me. I tried c... View more

Hello, I have been a long time sufferer with anxiety and I generally manage it pretty well on my own. 5 years ago it was at an all time high, around that point in life I felt lost and lonely, not many things seemed to be going right for me. I tried counselling, mindfulness, Yoga talking with friends.. all of which seemed to help for a very short period of time but it would always return. I then met my husband and I have been very well since, and although I still had anxiety I have very rarely had a flare up outside of what would be considered a normal stressful situation. My anxiety is back again and I am struggling to figure out what the trigger is. My life situation is great at the moment. Generally I have always been able to figure out the trigger but I don't know why I am feeling this way and I don't know how to fix it and reign it in. Has anyone else experienced anxiety for what seems like no particular reason? Has anything helped you to cope with it? I feel selfish and guilty for feeling anxiety when I I cant think of anything that should be giving me anxiety. I am getting the same feelings I had 5 years ago, like I am starting to loose control of my anxiety once again.

ashkey Anxious to begin driving
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I'm sure by the title of this thread that it's obvious what I'm struggling with. I'm turning 30 this year and while I would love to get my licence finally its been really quite tough even getting in the car to drive. I know where my anxiety... View more

Hi there, I'm sure by the title of this thread that it's obvious what I'm struggling with. I'm turning 30 this year and while I would love to get my licence finally its been really quite tough even getting in the car to drive. I know where my anxiety began and it's the reaction from my little sister and my dad both laughing and yelling as I started the car for my my first time when I was 16 and mum was teaching me. I know they didn't mean their reactions and I have mentioned this event to them both, trying not to pin blame because I know it wasn't deliberate, but my sister had the easy ride of getting her license and now has her opens, a new car and gets all the admiration. I know this makes me sound envious and yeah, I am, I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have progressed over the years being able to talk about my anxiety with driving where I never was able to and I get closer everyday on wanting to book a lesson. My problem is is that I have to keep it a secret from my dad and sister because if they knew, I know they would be supportive but it would come across the wrong way and set me off. My mum has agreed to keep the secret when I start but I'm paranoid that if my Dad found out he would be hurt and then it will set me back as he has a tendency to make everything about him and thinks he has done something wrong and gets hurt. He doesn't understand that it's not personal but something I need to do. So, after all that, my question is, has anyone dealt with this, is currently dealing with a similar situation or have any tips that got them to their first driving lesson with an instructor that made them feel comfortable. I guess I just want the answer more so on how to push past my dads feelings more so than the actual driving. I love my dad and have a great relationship with him but every conversation about driving he takes so personally and I can't deal with it. It doesn't make me better and he just won't understand. Any assistance with this is always appreciated. I just want to grow and have more freedom and learn. I know it will give me more strength in general. Thankyou

CoffeeCake24 How do I breakup with my seemingly emotionally abusive partner?
  • replies: 3

Hello there, Just recently I met this guy and when we first started dating, like most relationships in the beginning, it was just amazing. He was everything I had wanted in a man. And I felt appreciated and wanted. However, lately things have seem to... View more

Hello there, Just recently I met this guy and when we first started dating, like most relationships in the beginning, it was just amazing. He was everything I had wanted in a man. And I felt appreciated and wanted. However, lately things have seem to deteriorate between us. He seems to put zero effort into our relationship. For instance, he lives quite far away from me and he doesn't drive me home anymore when I come to stay. And when I do catch public transportation home he doesn't even walk me to my train and make sure I get on my train, safely. He doesn't come to visit me anymore. We either meet in the city, at a mutual friend for him but families' house for me. Or even at his house. I feel very unloved, unappreciated and very much unwanted. I feel like I am also being emotionally abused because when I speak up about my feelings and my concerns he gets very frustrated and angry with me. Knowing, perfectly well that I suffer enormously from anxiety I try to act brave and speak my concerns. I have tried wording things differently. And now I feel very nervous and frightened to tell him my concerns as usually he says that 'I hurt him when I need reassurance about our relationship.' or he tells me I am 'too sensitive' when he calls me a name, jokingly. And usually when I speak up about the issues that occur throughout our relationship he tells me that he 'isn't in the mood' to talk about it or he needs alone time and then he leaves me feeling very confused and upset. And he tells me sometimes issues I bring up 'are not fair on his behalf because he does a lot for me.' Recently, I tried to break it off with him because I told him I felt within myself that I wasn't fully prepared nor ready to move in with him even though a week prior I thought the idea was wonderful and practical. I told him I needed to think about it and he told me that we didn't have long to think about it because he wanted to get the ball rolling as quickly as possibly. I was so stressed because he suddenly was making me feel horrible and worried about where he was going to live. I was panicking because he seem to be placing the blame on me. Saying things like 'oh you have really seem to of f*cked things up for me now.' I feel scared to talk to him about my feelings and concerns because I don't like us having arguments. I know deep down this man isn't good for me and even others can see that by the way he treats me. How do I leave him?

Ghostnet My Girlfreind has anxiety and recently imploded
  • replies: 3

Hey there my girlfriend suffers from anxiety. recently we had a trip planned for March going Queensland to Sydney-I had bought tickets to the an opera. She had an anxiety attack one night about COVID and what happens if lockdown hits while we are the... View more

Hey there my girlfriend suffers from anxiety. recently we had a trip planned for March going Queensland to Sydney-I had bought tickets to the an opera. She had an anxiety attack one night about COVID and what happens if lockdown hits while we are there and text me at 4am in the morning to say she wanted to cancel. I visited her that morning-no arguments and I said lets just wait until closer to the event. I mentioned alternative like flying out , driving out and such if something happened. I went to work-that was a Wednesday and by Friday had not heard from her so I text as we were supposed to go out that night and she said she was going out by herself and would call-no call but a goodbye its been a good two years text and its over. I went to see her and I have never seen her in this state. Angry and rude and basically how dare i not be concerned about her anxiety and then unloaded on every little inconsequential and trivial thing that and ever happened in two years that I had done (even having a 2 hour swim at the beach-crazy stuff)-it was a side of her i had never seen and she was in a high state of aggression and abuse? I left shattered as nothing had every indicated this level of uncharacteristically hate and insults. All this a month after Christmas where her card red 'our second christmas and many more to come." I have been shattered for the last two weeks and di not see any of this comings as it was basically bliss. can anxiety make a person lose control and take it out on someone close to them-I am quite confused and at this point in time I am of limits for any conversation or explanation? All this because in her head I wasn't compassionate enough about her anxiety attack? Is this something that high anxiety may cause a person to do? lash out.

Akiner Help please
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. My life has had its ups and downs. Mostly downs then ups unfortunately. My sister passed away in 2014 at 26 by an unforeseen circumstance. The moment she passed, I wanted to pass on with her and had no will to live. Somehow found my way ... View more

Hi everyone. My life has had its ups and downs. Mostly downs then ups unfortunately. My sister passed away in 2014 at 26 by an unforeseen circumstance. The moment she passed, I wanted to pass on with her and had no will to live. Somehow found my way out of the everyday struggle and started to live again, but not really, when that one person gave me everything and I gave them all I could in return. My go to person. Through out my hole life ive struggled with my anger issues. Ive faced depression without knowing it was depression in highschool and MAJOR anxiety which has impacted my person life severely till this day. I've got a bad habit with my friendships that I dont know how to control, if they confront me with something I dont like I feel like it would just end up being a fight or never talking again. There is no in-between, I can cut a person off just like that if I feel threatened in anyway (most of the time), and that's me avoiding criticism because I dont know how to respond to it. I re think and re think and re think where I JUST WONT LET IT GO, AND I won't say anything and let it eat me up inside till I get over it. Something very little can be the biggest thing to me. Overall, I just feel like a wreck, worn down, insecure, same repetitive not emotionally secured bitch. I listen to my mums advice a lot though, and although it's boring shes 65 years of age and knows a heck of a whole lot more than I do. I just feel like my soul isn't happy with me. I need help!