Health Anxiety Issues

artiste9909 · ‎21-10-2020

I don't know what to do anymore, been having bad headaches/blurry vision and was diagnosed with GAD. Recently, I went to a well respected neurologist where he looked over my past CT scans and what not and told me that an MRI was not needed because of clinical and diagnostic yield and high costs. He also assured me that what I had was merely migraines and tension, and not to worry about fainting etc. However, this did not assure me one bit, in fact it only made me more worried.

Having thoughts like, "What if the tumor somehow grew after the last CT scan?", "I did not ask the Dr all the questions I had in mind", "I lead a relatively healthy life, how can I have headaches this bad?", "I don't feel anxious at times, so why am I having headaches?" and lots of worse thoughts. It has gotten to the point where I would just lie in bed, tell myself that I won't see the next week and that even if I do, how am I going to manage these headaches and issues.

I do not know where to turn to or how to start. I know that I have to see a psychologist for my anxiety, but what if there is something else that needs to be checked? Plus even if I do see the psychologist, not as if I would be better straight after, then what? After all, how could I have headaches even when I don't feel anxious? At this point, I have spent so much money on CT scans, consults and medical stuff (I am a student so I don't have much in excess), pissed off everyone around me with my constant nagging for options and assurance and I have completely lost faith in my physical body. Just feel so hopeless. I think one of the worst part about this is that I physically feel unwell, with the pounding headaches and other symptoms, but nothing is medically "wrong" with me.

Thank you for reading this. Sorry for sounding so negative.

artiste9909 · ‎21-10-2020

I tried going out and hanging out with friends and doing the things I like, but whenever I do, my mind is only preoccupied with thoughts like, "When is the headache going to come?", "Do I have enough cash on me if something was to happen?" "What if I do collapse?". Then like clockwork, a pounding headache would come soon after, and I would normally come up with some crappy excuse to go home. My whole life and schedule, is revolved around my symptoms..

Sophie_M · ‎21-10-2020

Hey artiste9909,

Thanks for reaching out here to our friendly forums tonight and sharing your journey with us. We're so sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment, and can hear your frustration in having these intense physical symptoms without a resolution. But please know that things really can improve with the right support, and support is always available to you. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this.

You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

artiste9909 · ‎21-10-2020

I am sorry for updating the post again, just feel that I need to let people know what has been happening to me recently.

Feels like I am made of glass, I have lost so much faith in my physical body that it is depressing (I used to be a sportsman just a few years ago), I have not exercised for the longest time as I am scared that somehow a blood vessel might rupture and I will die or something serious like that. I have lost most of my independence, and for awhile I am unable to be alone, as I worry that if something was to happen to me, no one would be there to save me. Sometimes even if I was not having headaches, I would somehow get other symptoms like "tingling" and "weakness" and then I would worry if it is some other neurological problem, and if I would be maimed by it.

romantic_thi3f · ‎22-10-2020

Hi artiste9909,

I'm glad that you reached out and it sounds like things have been going very downhill for you lately. I'm glad that you are seeing a Doctor and I'm glad that the plan is to see a psychologist too.

I can see how much this is impacting your life, and I can very much relate as mine was very severe as well.

It can be really hard when you have these unexplained symptoms - and the idea of it being 'only anxiety' can be really hard to wrap our heads around, especially because there's no test for it. But even if it may not seem the case, it's good that your neurologist decided not to order an MRI - because it meant he calculated it wasn't necessary. and that is actually a good thing.

From reading what you're going through, it sounds like the anxiety and thoughts around these headaches are actually more debilitating than the headaches themselves. Everyone can get major headaches; even very very healthy people, and we can be living in a state of anxiety even if we may not feel anxious at the time.

One of the things I found, and you'll find - is that you can cope with what you have, and you can cope with all of the worst case scenarios. I've collapsed before (different reasons) - it was awful, but I was okay. I hope that sharing my experiences with you is helpful; at least to let you know that you aren't alone in your struggles, and I hope that when you see your psychologist you can share all of this with them too.

rt

artiste9909 · ‎23-10-2020

Hey thank you for your heartfelt message, its kind of refreshing to have someone else's input about these type of issues. Yes you are right about the headaches and thoughts, it seems that although the headaches do hurt and are debilitating to some extent, my thoughts are definitely making the worse. I think for the anxious state, I do need to sort of convince myself that is the case, because I tend to try and attribute things with "concrete proof". Its also hard to tell myself that the neurologist knows more than me, when one is in the state of feeling terrible.

Thank you once again for your input, means a lot. I hope that this finds you well, and that you are coping well or cured with whatever reasons that made you faint before.

romantic_thi3f · ‎23-10-2020

Hi artiste9909,

Oh you're very welcome, I really appreciate it.

I'm glad that this resonated with you. I hear you about the 'concrete proof'. I think that's such a universal feeling in health anxiety, because there isn't any - and being able to sit with that and the reality of it can be the hardest thing to do.

I actually think that you know more about you than your neurologist - but your neurologist knows more about the science of the brain and disease. That might sound like a 'duh' thing to say but you are your own expert. I think the trick is to see if you can trust your neurologist enough and their clinical opinion. There are some people with health anxiety - even on the forums here, who tend to go to lots of different doctors and specialists in the hope they'll get something concrete.

If you're interested, there's a great resource here that could touch on a lot of the things the psychologist talks about - https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

and yes, thank you for asking! I am doing much better.

rt