Will it get better?

[paperclip]

I've been severely depressed for months to the point where I've broken down at work a few times only to compose myself before anyone notices. I've had a panic attack and struggle to sleep and eat. I feel so worthless, guilty and pathetic that i don't want to socialise with my friend s.  I saw my GP and visited a therapist. However, negative thoughts, regrets, failures are constantly on my mind from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to sleep. I spoke to my father and broke down both times, i now feel guilty for having him now worry about me. How did i let myself get to this stage in life? I keep reading about  depression and going online forums with people discussing how they've been depressed for 10 and 20 years and everyday is a struggle. How the hell can someone live like that. Should i quit my job and put 100% effort on getting better. 

[Jabu]

Hi Paperclip

First of all yes it can and does get better. Two years ago I could not imagine it ever getting better. I moved to be closer to family but seeing things and places from my childhood got me down because it reminded me of why I was back there.

What helped me was counselling which you are doing. As difficult as it was sharing at times I knew that the more I shared the better. The counsellor gave me some good tips. When thoughts came to mind that got me down they suggested I say out loud "Now is not the time for these thoughts" It generally did the trick. Of course that was just a temporary stop gap measure. I put plans in place so when I started feeling down I could focus on arranging what I needed to do to follow the plan. That kept my mind off things until I could get myself in a safe place. I am fortunate in that I had friends who I could call virtually anytime. I was very careful which friends I shared with. Only friends who I knew would be helpful. I hope you have some friends like that. There were times when a very tiny thought crippled me and led me to breaking down in tears. I had to hide for half an hour till I could compose myself. One of the other things that helped me was distracting myself. I did some volunteer work where I had to focus on doing things for others. Having nothing to do was the worst thing for me personally.

I also did things like writing notes to remind myself to do things such as take medication, use deodorant and to go outside.

Find what works for you and don't hesitate to talk about things.

[geoff]

dear Paperclip, I also welcome you to this site.

There has been a lot of good advice posted here but I know it may take awhile for it sink in.

Firstly do you want to keep this 'friend' who pulls you down in social situations and then makes you do things that you wish you hadn't, to me they are danger material and will never help you get any better.

Sure people have suffered for 10 to 30 years or more, but now the whole situation has changed so much, because medication has improved, online support like this site has now become a stronger support system, and therapy is now a common fact these days, although it could take time to get your foot in, but you have, but it's not until 2 weeks, but make sure that you book your next one for the week after.

Goodness me if my sons and/or family had depression I would certainly want to be told, because I would make sure that they could get all the help that is possible, and I would be there to help them along in every way I could.

These many problems that affect you 24/7 need to be discussed with your therapist, or maybe you could mention a couple here, because you can't push them away, because they won't until you sort them out, however what I finally did was to accept that certain problems that I had I couldn't fix, so I thought did I need to fix them and would it make my life any better, this took a great deal of thought and the answer was, even if I had gone through all the hard work to rectify them, it wouldn't change the way I was feeling, so then I just pushed them away, out of sight out mind.

I too suffer from anxiety and that's why I have OCD.

There can be reasons why people get depression, but then we get it for no reason, it just falls in our lap, like we get up in the morning and feel low thinking that this will pass, but it doesn't so it continues and does get worse over time, and the deeper we go into depression.

Do you have any time you can take off like sick leave. Geoff.