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BeyondBlue New to this Forum? Please read this first!
  • replies: 0

Hey there! Welcome to the Young People section of the Beyond Blue Forums. The purpose of this section is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss life issues, tricky situations and the difficult emotions and feelings that come with tho... View more

Hey there! Welcome to the Young People section of the Beyond Blue Forums. The purpose of this section is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss life issues, tricky situations and the difficult emotions and feelings that come with those. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this is a space for younger people to connect and provide support for each other. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straight away. Information on moderation on the Forums can be found here. Being familiar with our Community Guidelines can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. If we have concerns about your wellbeing, one of our friendly moderators will check in with you privately to make sure you get the support you need. If you need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Headspace – between 9am and 1am (AEST), chat online to a mental health clinician or call 1800 650 890 Kids Helpline – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1800 55 1800 Thank you for being here. We’re glad you’ve found us here and hope this can be a supportive space for you Beyond Blue

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_Starlight_ Is there something wrong with me?
  • replies: 12

where do i begin? it has taken some time.. more like years to have find courage to finally do something about how i've been feeling. And it's finally happening, as i cannot take this anymore. This is so hard for me to talk about and finding the words... View more

where do i begin? it has taken some time.. more like years to have find courage to finally do something about how i've been feeling. And it's finally happening, as i cannot take this anymore. This is so hard for me to talk about and finding the words to express how i really feel. I've been feeling this way since i was 13 years old. Struggling to fit in with everybody and being accepted by everybody. I cant help but backspace everything i've been writing because i feel so embarrassed and ashamed.. ill try again hopefully. I was bullied badly the first 2 years of High School which resulted me into self harming and thinking that i was worthless and a nobody. which then resulted into wanting to end my life which i told my few friends that i was going to do it. they were so worried about me, i ended up seeing a School Counsellor, thanks to her the bullying stopped. After it all stopped i still felt like i was worthless and a nobody, i tried to ignore it, and pretended and fought and told myself everything was okay. it helped but those feelings were still there. I've had a hard time over the years as iv'e mentioned before trying to fit in, wanting to be that girl who is well liked and has a group of friends who go shopping and have fun etc. you know those words "be happy" well that hasn't been me. I've been used by so many so called friends trusting them thinking they were my friends and ended up being those friends that just soak up all your good energy to make themselves feel better.. trying to be that girl that would do anything for anyone and just get's everything thrown back into my face. I've been trying so hard to pick myself up for the last 4 years and start fresh and think positive, and everything will be okay but for the last year i've just been thinking negative and it is getting worse and worse..just like when i was gettingbullied, those dark feelings again taking me over.. x10 worse to the point where, why am i even here? does anyone actually care about me? why am i feeling so worthless? why am i so ugly. why doesn't anyone want to be my friend? am i honestly that bad of a person? I question myself do i even have a purpose in life? do i have a future or is this going to keep happening for the rest of my life.. I tried to speak to my mum about seeing a Psychologist it took me a week to work the courage up to do so, but she wanted to know why, and i couldn't tell her why.. i dont know what to do anymore, i dont want to be here anymore..

paperclip Will it get better?
  • replies: 11

I've been severely depressed for months to the point where I've broken down at work a few times only to compose myself before anyone notices. I've had a panic attack and struggle to sleep and eat. I feel so worthless, guilty and pathetic that i don't... View more

I've been severely depressed for months to the point where I've broken down at work a few times only to compose myself before anyone notices. I've had a panic attack and struggle to sleep and eat. I feel so worthless, guilty and pathetic that i don't want to socialise with my friend s. I saw my GP and visited a therapist. However, negative thoughts, regrets, failures are constantly on my mind from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to sleep. I spoke to my father and broke down both times, i now feel guilty for having him now worry about me. How did i let myself get to this stage in life? I keep reading about depression and going online forums with people discussing how they've been depressed for 10 and 20 years and everyday is a struggle. How the hell can someone live like that. Should i quit my job and put 100% effort on getting better.

procket help
  • replies: 2

i need help but i dont know how to ask for it...

i need help but i dont know how to ask for it...

unigirl1994 Procrastination, constant anxiety, worried about failing university.
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, just wanted to have a bit of a vent here. I've been struggling with pretty bad anxiety for the last few years and since I have started university in 2013 it has gotten a lot worse. I am studying creative arts and I get so anxious when it com... View more

Hi guys, just wanted to have a bit of a vent here. I've been struggling with pretty bad anxiety for the last few years and since I have started university in 2013 it has gotten a lot worse. I am studying creative arts and I get so anxious when it comes to my assignments/major works as I don't take criticism well and hate talking to my teachers. In my course we have to create artworks for our final grades, as opposed to written exams/essays/etc. I put them off until the last minute because I'm so worried about failing and disappointing myself/teachers/my mum, even though I know my mum would do anything to help me out if she knew what I was dealing with. I have not told anyone how this is affecting me because I do not want them to judge me/see me as lazy/or be angry with me for not doing better, I also lie to my family about my grades telling them I get credits, when most of the time I just get a pass mark. I do not tell anyone when I have art due and have pulled all nighters before doing paintings, drawings etc, one time even ending up with a mark of 50 (49 is a fail) which made me sad, but also relieved that I passed, even by one mark. I tell myself I will stop procrastinating and get better at managing my time but I just can't seem to get my head around it because I just put everything off due to the stress/anxiety it gives me. As I write this I have a photography assignment due in two days that I have not finished, and also two other art assignments in both 3 and 4 days, which both have many uncompleted side works that I will lose marks for not handing in - not even sure if I will complete the main parts of them to a satisfactory level. I just wanted to see if anyone else has had experience with anything like this and would know of any good methods to help me out because it's making me depressed, anxious and nauseous 24/7. I would really appreciate any help!

Emelie Help :(
  • replies: 10

I have suffered from depression since the age of 12, and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm 18 now. I have always had trouble having confidence in myself. There are things that I have wanted to pursue and participate in, but I am constantly i... View more

I have suffered from depression since the age of 12, and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm 18 now. I have always had trouble having confidence in myself. There are things that I have wanted to pursue and participate in, but I am constantly in fear of other people. At university, I struggle to even participate generally in class as I begin to shake and redden and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. I believe that my lacking confidence and self-esteem stemmed from my mum's treatment of me from early childhood. She was always very verbally hurtful, saying things such as "I've had enough of you for today, I don't want to speak to you anymore or hear about your day" or "Go away" or "You are useless". She was also always very angry. My younger brother has Autism and so I struggled to get the attention that I needed. I felt I was always competing. If he did anything wrong, I was always to blame. I really want to get rid of these negative thoughts about my own self-worth. I was recently feeling a little better, finally acknowledging that I'm not worthless as a person. However, these thoughts have come back and they are as pervasive on my life as ever. My parents finally divorced when I was about 12 years old. My brother was 9. Both of my parents involved us significantly, as if they were trying to win our love and make us hate the other parent. That was very hard for me and my brother. It was a very very messy court process, and my parents were very hostile towards each other. Experiencing this and also experiencing the death of my friend in 2009, and another one of my friends in 2011 has really impacted on me. I also had some very toxic friendships until the end of school when I graduated with hardly any genuine friends. I abandoned them for fear of becoming so depressed that I would seek to end my life. Despite the fact that I now have a group of friends, a lovely long-term boyfriend and my family situation is not anywhere near as terrible, I continue to feel empty. It's not that I necessarily want to take the steps to end my own life. It's more of an apathy towards life and death. I wouldn't mind if I was dying. I feel without purpose, lost, stuck. I am not enjoying life. I don't get anything out of my day. I feel so bad. I don't know what to do about these feelings. I want to get better, but I just don't know how. I've seen many professionals, but I feel I can never overcome this. I don't know what to do. Please help. -E

Distinction I don't know heat to do anymore.
  • replies: 11

Ok, I'm sorry for any spelling and or grammatical issues that happen due to me being young, but here we go.I'm not quite sure how to start the story, honestly. I thought it would be easier, but anyway. I'm quite young, as standards go, so I'll have l... View more

Ok, I'm sorry for any spelling and or grammatical issues that happen due to me being young, but here we go.I'm not quite sure how to start the story, honestly. I thought it would be easier, but anyway. I'm quite young, as standards go, so I'll have less experiences. I guess it started in 5th grade. I had been bullied before that, but it was light and general, but in 5th grade it started feeling more personal, like everyone was out to get me. All my fellow peers and students, it just felt like they all hated me. I was told that I was a mistake, that I was a failed adoption, childish stuff like that, and then the other typical things, like fat, and ugly, ETC. I just kind of ignored it at first. My life was good, I had been doing competitive karate for 6 years, I had been doing swimming for a while, soccer too. I let it go on for 6 months before I started noticing it was taking a toll on me.first was the lack of sleep. I don't think 4 hours a night is very good, is it? Then came the eating. Sometimes I over-ate 5 full meals a day, sometimes I would just eat 1 small one, or no, meals a day. Then came the lack of socialising. Then came the weight gain. I'm pretty sure being 120lbs at 10 isn't a good thing.it just went on, until I left primary school in 2012 and went to a private school. I believed that was the end of it. In year 7, for the first 6 months of the year, I forgot about everything. I didn't ONCE leave my bedroom for something that wasn't food, water, or school. I didn't ONCE talk to someone that wasn't my brother or parents. I started eating 1 small meal a day on average. I started living off of seriously, 2 hours of sleep, from 3:30AM-5:30AM. Then one day, I just went on with life again, but without the sleeping and eating. I got in touch with my former best friend, whom at dove into depression while I was absent as well. From their I started self harming, not eating, barely sleeping, bullying. The end of 2013. Then it all stopped. I was 13, I only had one friend, but I was content. I started eating 3 full meals a day. I slept 12 whole hours a night, with the help of medication. Then time skip to 1 month ago. I started hating myself again. I thought about self-harm again. I started to not eat. I started to lose sleep. I started to give up. Then till now, i don't know what to do.im sorry for this being so long, but I haven't really looked over it, and I didn't know where else to put my story.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

guest66 I don't feel anything
  • replies: 3

My parents separated several years ago, and through the whole thing I was on my mothers side. Two months ago my father killed himself. He hated his family (mother, brother, sister) so I never had any contact with them. They are all suddenly intereste... View more

My parents separated several years ago, and through the whole thing I was on my mothers side. Two months ago my father killed himself. He hated his family (mother, brother, sister) so I never had any contact with them. They are all suddenly interested in me and my sister now that he is dead. His mother blames me for it. Maybe she's right. It's been two months, and I still don't feel anything. People say it gets better. I no longer enjoy things I use to, and nothing seems to have a point. Even food has lost it's taste. I spend every day pretending I'm ok and I'm just...exhausted. More than anything I just want to take off, go somewhere where no one knows me, no one expects anything from me, but I have too many responsibilities. I just want it all to be over.

mbop96 Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Useless
  • replies: 4

Im a 17 y.o. male whom is sitting for his HSC this year. I'm a fairly private person, I usually don't vent my emotions and thoughts, I mainly keep them to myself, even when I'm at home. People would usually call me relaxed but serious all the time. I... View more

Im a 17 y.o. male whom is sitting for his HSC this year. I'm a fairly private person, I usually don't vent my emotions and thoughts, I mainly keep them to myself, even when I'm at home. People would usually call me relaxed but serious all the time. I was motivated to sign up and post on this forum today. I read the many stories of helplessness and depression people talk about and I feel exactly the same way. I had tears in my eyes reading these stories, because they all were so relevant to me and expressed many of the emotions I feel on a daily basis. However, I have never been to a doctor or talked to a parent/friend about this. I am a pessimist and have been for most my life.To cut to the chase, I've been feeling a general melancholy towardslife for over 4 years now. However over the last 3 months or so, the increasing pressure approaching the HSC has caused me to become increasingly anxious leading to feelings of worthlessness and doubt. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I feel is anxiety and worthlessness. I just feel like my life's purpose is going down the sinkhole. I sometimes think that dying would be a better option, but I want to give life a real shot. I've never had a strong bond with my family, I feel as the older I get, the less I can relate to my family. None of them understand me, my father and mother always asks me if I'm ok and I always reply with the same 'Yep' or 'Mhhmm' and that's where the conversation ends. Regardless I don't share my issues with anyone, not even my siblings, family or friends. I don't speak with my friends about it and hardly go out. I hear the successes of others and look at myself, and think Im a piece of crap because Im so useless. I can feel the knot in my throat and pain in my heart every day. I constantly ask myself what im going to do in life. I have no motivation for anything, stuck at a roadblock. Im scared of failure, there is a constant voice in my head telling my that I can't do it. I get pretty angry when parents as me questions, or when siblings 'annoy' me when I'm not in the mood. Sometimes I have really dark days, I feel like I have no purpose in life and feel like a pile of bricks quashes my optimism. I know I am depressed, my plight cannot be expressed in words. I have not visited a GP or any other type of doctor concerning my feelings, but am contemplating whether I should. Even if I did I wouldn't know what to say.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

LK New here - traumatic night
  • replies: 18

I'm having one of those nights where I can't see any purpose. Everyone around me has boyfriends or husbands and kids and I just feel like there is nobody wanting me. I don't even know what to do, I have 2 friends who haven't even tried to talk to me ... View more

I'm having one of those nights where I can't see any purpose. Everyone around me has boyfriends or husbands and kids and I just feel like there is nobody wanting me. I don't even know what to do, I have 2 friends who haven't even tried to talk to me in weeks. I always talk to them first so I thought i'd see how long it took for them to talk to me. We're going on a month. I don't know what to do and I feel so alone all the time. I can't stop crying. Someone give me something

Notolli 14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love.
  • replies: 9

I don't really know where to start. I've been 'different' ever since year seven, where everyone started getting into relationships and having parties. There has always been a constant theme, where as if someone didn't fit in: they were considered for... View more

I don't really know where to start. I've been 'different' ever since year seven, where everyone started getting into relationships and having parties. There has always been a constant theme, where as if someone didn't fit in: they were considered foreign. I've never had many friends because, well I don't really know. I used to get bullied and targeted by the teachers at school, and I've pretty much always been afraid of going to and from school. This is pretty common, I've heard, and you're all right: at least I'm not dying. My dad has been drinking a lot ever since nan passed away last year and mom keeps telling him to stop, but it always ends in fighting. I'm failing most of my classes and I do nothing outside of school. About a month ago, I started dating a girl called, umm let's just say "Emma". She's been really helpful and supportive of me, and we've been closer than ever. I don't know where I'd be without her. We did something really stupid in our second week, and I'm certain that she's pregnant. There's no way that any of us could support or even afford a baby. My sister works to support the family and I barely help out at all, because there's nothing I can do. I can't work until I'm 15. Exams are next week, Emma isn't talking to me, she's pregnant and 15, mum is lonely and my entire family is constantly fighting, dad's recently lost his job and is drinking a lot, and everything in my life is about to be ruined. I guess I'm posting here because I'm not sure what to do, and my feelings are just getting worse and worse.

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