Everything about dad's house is great. Big house, nice car, rooms, clothes... Pretty much anything I want. But I don't go to dad's much. I had the choice but I'd rather live at mum's house than dad's because of my step-mum. She is always putting me down or I am getting into trouble for the littlest things. Sometimes, on the days I go to dads, i have a breakdown. I visit the counsellor, I cry I talk to my friends but no one can change anything. They just try and convince me that everything is going to be ok. My step mum used to get angry at me for telling my mum the things she would say to me because my mum would get angry at her and then my step mum would put it all back on me. So I stopped telling her and started telling dad. After that things would get better. But then my step mum would put all of the stuff dad told her back on me. I was getting in trouble for telling someone that I was in trouble. It has been going on since I was eight and I decided to stop telling dad. Instead I tried to keep out of trouble. I'd sit and read in my room all day... Only to get told off for hiding away. So I'd ask if there was anything I could do, if not, sit upstairs so I wasn't hiding. Then I got told off for invading her privacy. I'd then start to follow my stepsister because she never gets In trouble... Then I got told off for not leaving my stepsister alone even though my stepsister never at one point said anything to me. I don't know what to do! I'd spend time with dad but he is always working. He has left her a few times because of how she has treated me but she would always come back and promise not to be mean again. Yeah... That happened. I am really thin but she has told me that I NEED TO PUT ON WEIGHT! I can't win! I would want to go out and work in the shed with my dad on his car but would get the response "I thought you were a girl why would you want to go work on a car" even when I haven't done ANYTHING, I get huge sighs and mean looks. Everything I do has about thirty thoughts in it. When I'm making breakfast I'll think "hmm, I'm not going to have cereal because she said that I make it too runny even though that is how I like it, I'm not going to have cheese and vegemite because she said it was gross, I'm not going to have honey because she has told me that that is for weekends only even though my stepbrother has it a lot, I'm not having jam because it's hers and dads only so I think I'll have toast with peanut paste... Like everyother day" and this happens with everything. I try and walk quietly because I have gotten told I am too loud when I walk and I have gotten told that I walk to slowly, but I have also been told I walk to fast down the stairs.
This is so much writing and I'm sure that their are stories that are much more important than mine but I just don't know what to do! I am always worrying and that gets me in more trouble but if I don't worry I get in more trouble! How can this stop! I've told her that I worry because of her but she says I am lying! She always says I'm "playing games" and being "manipulative". Why? GOD KNOWS! I don't understand. I just want her to be normal or me to stop getting in trouble and worrying so I can see my dad as much as I want to.
