Young people

Procrastination, constant anxiety, worried about failing university.

replies: 3

Hi guys, just wanted to have a bit of a vent here. I've been struggling with pretty bad anxiety for the last few years and since I have started university in 2013 it has gotten a lot worse. I am studying creative arts and I get so anxious when it com... View more

Hi guys, just wanted to have a bit of a vent here. I've been struggling with pretty bad anxiety for the last few years and since I have started university in 2013 it has gotten a lot worse. I am studying creative arts and I get so anxious when it comes to my assignments/major works as I don't take criticism well and hate talking to my teachers. In my course we have to create artworks for our final grades, as opposed to written exams/essays/etc. I put them off until the last minute because I'm so worried about failing and disappointing myself/teachers/my mum, even though I know my mum would do anything to help me out if she knew what I was dealing with. I have not told anyone how this is affecting me because I do not want them to judge me/see me as lazy/or be angry with me for not doing better, I also lie to my family about my grades telling them I get credits, when most of the time I just get a pass mark. I do not tell anyone when I have art due and have pulled all nighters before doing paintings, drawings etc, one time even ending up with a mark of 50 (49 is a fail) which made me sad, but also relieved that I passed, even by one mark. I tell myself I will stop procrastinating and get better at managing my time but I just can't seem to get my head around it because I just put everything off due to the stress/anxiety it gives me. As I write this I have a photography assignment due in two days that I have not finished, and also two other art assignments in both 3 and 4 days, which both have many uncompleted side works that I will lose marks for not handing in - not even sure if I will complete the main parts of them to a satisfactory level. I just wanted to see if anyone else has had experience with anything like this and would know of any good methods to help me out because it's making me depressed, anxious and nauseous 24/7. I would really appreciate any help!

Help :(

replies: 10

I have suffered from depression since the age of 12, and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm 18 now. I have always had trouble having confidence in myself. There are things that I have wanted to pursue and participate in, but I am constantly i... View more

I have suffered from depression since the age of 12, and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm 18 now. I have always had trouble having confidence in myself. There are things that I have wanted to pursue and participate in, but I am constantly in fear of other people. At university, I struggle to even participate generally in class as I begin to shake and redden and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. I believe that my lacking confidence and self-esteem stemmed from my mum's treatment of me from early childhood. She was always very verbally hurtful, saying things such as "I've had enough of you for today, I don't want to speak to you anymore or hear about your day" or "Go away" or "You are useless". She was also always very angry. My younger brother has Autism and so I struggled to get the attention that I needed. I felt I was always competing. If he did anything wrong, I was always to blame. I really want to get rid of these negative thoughts about my own self-worth. I was recently feeling a little better, finally acknowledging that I'm not worthless as a person. However, these thoughts have come back and they are as pervasive on my life as ever. My parents finally divorced when I was about 12 years old. My brother was 9. Both of my parents involved us significantly, as if they were trying to win our love and make us hate the other parent. That was very hard for me and my brother. It was a very very messy court process, and my parents were very hostile towards each other. Experiencing this and also experiencing the death of my friend in 2009, and another one of my friends in 2011 has really impacted on me. I also had some very toxic friendships until the end of school when I graduated with hardly any genuine friends. I abandoned them for fear of becoming so depressed that I would seek to end my life. Despite the fact that I now have a group of friends, a lovely long-term boyfriend and my family situation is not anywhere near as terrible, I continue to feel empty. It's not that I necessarily want to take the steps to end my own life. It's more of an apathy towards life and death. I wouldn't mind if I was dying. I feel without purpose, lost, stuck. I am not enjoying life. I don't get anything out of my day. I feel so bad. I don't know what to do about these feelings. I want to get better, but I just don't know how. I've seen many professionals, but I feel I can never overcome this. I don't know what to do. Please help. -E

I don't know heat to do anymore.

replies: 11

Ok, I'm sorry for any spelling and or grammatical issues that happen due to me being young, but here we go.I'm not quite sure how to start the story, honestly. I thought it would be easier, but anyway. I'm quite young, as standards go, so I'll have l... View more

Ok, I'm sorry for any spelling and or grammatical issues that happen due to me being young, but here we go.I'm not quite sure how to start the story, honestly. I thought it would be easier, but anyway. I'm quite young, as standards go, so I'll have less experiences. I guess it started in 5th grade. I had been bullied before that, but it was light and general, but in 5th grade it started feeling more personal, like everyone was out to get me. All my fellow peers and students, it just felt like they all hated me. I was told that I was a mistake, that I was a failed adoption, childish stuff like that, and then the other typical things, like fat, and ugly, ETC. I just kind of ignored it at first. My life was good, I had been doing competitive karate for 6 years, I had been doing swimming for a while, soccer too. I let it go on for 6 months before I started noticing it was taking a toll on me.first was the lack of sleep. I don't think 4 hours a night is very good, is it? Then came the eating. Sometimes I over-ate 5 full meals a day, sometimes I would just eat 1 small one, or no, meals a day. Then came the lack of socialising. Then came the weight gain. I'm pretty sure being 120lbs at 10 isn't a good thing.it just went on, until I left primary school in 2012 and went to a private school. I believed that was the end of it. In year 7, for the first 6 months of the year, I forgot about everything. I didn't ONCE leave my bedroom for something that wasn't food, water, or school. I didn't ONCE talk to someone that wasn't my brother or parents. I started eating 1 small meal a day on average. I started living off of seriously, 2 hours of sleep, from 3:30AM-5:30AM. Then one day, I just went on with life again, but without the sleeping and eating. I got in touch with my former best friend, whom at dove into depression while I was absent as well. From their I started self harming, not eating, barely sleeping, bullying. The end of 2013. Then it all stopped. I was 13, I only had one friend, but I was content. I started eating 3 full meals a day. I slept 12 whole hours a night, with the help of medication. Then time skip to 1 month ago. I started hating myself again. I thought about self-harm again. I started to not eat. I started to lose sleep. I started to give up. Then till now, i don't know what to do.im sorry for this being so long, but I haven't really looked over it, and I didn't know where else to put my story.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

I don't feel anything

replies: 3

My parents separated several years ago, and through the whole thing I was on my mothers side. Two months ago my father killed himself. He hated his family (mother, brother, sister) so I never had any contact with them. They are all suddenly intereste... View more

My parents separated several years ago, and through the whole thing I was on my mothers side. Two months ago my father killed himself. He hated his family (mother, brother, sister) so I never had any contact with them. They are all suddenly interested in me and my sister now that he is dead. His mother blames me for it. Maybe she's right. It's been two months, and I still don't feel anything. People say it gets better. I no longer enjoy things I use to, and nothing seems to have a point. Even food has lost it's taste. I spend every day pretending I'm ok and I'm just...exhausted. More than anything I just want to take off, go somewhere where no one knows me, no one expects anything from me, but I have too many responsibilities. I just want it all to be over.

Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Useless

replies: 4

Im a 17 y.o. male whom is sitting for his HSC this year. I'm a fairly private person, I usually don't vent my emotions and thoughts, I mainly keep them to myself, even when I'm at home. People would usually call me relaxed but serious all the time. I... View more

Im a 17 y.o. male whom is sitting for his HSC this year. I'm a fairly private person, I usually don't vent my emotions and thoughts, I mainly keep them to myself, even when I'm at home. People would usually call me relaxed but serious all the time. I was motivated to sign up and post on this forum today. I read the many stories of helplessness and depression people talk about and I feel exactly the same way. I had tears in my eyes reading these stories, because they all were so relevant to me and expressed many of the emotions I feel on a daily basis. However, I have never been to a doctor or talked to a parent/friend about this. I am a pessimist and have been for most my life.To cut to the chase, I've been feeling a general melancholy towardslife for over 4 years now. However over the last 3 months or so, the increasing pressure approaching the HSC has caused me to become increasingly anxious leading to feelings of worthlessness and doubt. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I feel is anxiety and worthlessness. I just feel like my life's purpose is going down the sinkhole. I sometimes think that dying would be a better option, but I want to give life a real shot. I've never had a strong bond with my family, I feel as the older I get, the less I can relate to my family. None of them understand me, my father and mother always asks me if I'm ok and I always reply with the same 'Yep' or 'Mhhmm' and that's where the conversation ends. Regardless I don't share my issues with anyone, not even my siblings, family or friends. I don't speak with my friends about it and hardly go out. I hear the successes of others and look at myself, and think Im a piece of crap because Im so useless. I can feel the knot in my throat and pain in my heart every day. I constantly ask myself what im going to do in life. I have no motivation for anything, stuck at a roadblock. Im scared of failure, there is a constant voice in my head telling my that I can't do it. I get pretty angry when parents as me questions, or when siblings 'annoy' me when I'm not in the mood. Sometimes I have really dark days, I feel like I have no purpose in life and feel like a pile of bricks quashes my optimism. I know I am depressed, my plight cannot be expressed in words. I have not visited a GP or any other type of doctor concerning my feelings, but am contemplating whether I should. Even if I did I wouldn't know what to say.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

New here - traumatic night

replies: 18

I'm having one of those nights where I can't see any purpose. Everyone around me has boyfriends or husbands and kids and I just feel like there is nobody wanting me. I don't even know what to do, I have 2 friends who haven't even tried to talk to me ... View more

I'm having one of those nights where I can't see any purpose. Everyone around me has boyfriends or husbands and kids and I just feel like there is nobody wanting me. I don't even know what to do, I have 2 friends who haven't even tried to talk to me in weeks. I always talk to them first so I thought i'd see how long it took for them to talk to me. We're going on a month. I don't know what to do and I feel so alone all the time. I can't stop crying. Someone give me something

14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love.

replies: 9

I don't really know where to start. I've been 'different' ever since year seven, where everyone started getting into relationships and having parties. There has always been a constant theme, where as if someone didn't fit in: they were considered for... View more

I don't really know where to start. I've been 'different' ever since year seven, where everyone started getting into relationships and having parties. There has always been a constant theme, where as if someone didn't fit in: they were considered foreign. I've never had many friends because, well I don't really know. I used to get bullied and targeted by the teachers at school, and I've pretty much always been afraid of going to and from school. This is pretty common, I've heard, and you're all right: at least I'm not dying. My dad has been drinking a lot ever since nan passed away last year and mom keeps telling him to stop, but it always ends in fighting. I'm failing most of my classes and I do nothing outside of school. About a month ago, I started dating a girl called, umm let's just say "Emma". She's been really helpful and supportive of me, and we've been closer than ever. I don't know where I'd be without her. We did something really stupid in our second week, and I'm certain that she's pregnant. There's no way that any of us could support or even afford a baby. My sister works to support the family and I barely help out at all, because there's nothing I can do. I can't work until I'm 15. Exams are next week, Emma isn't talking to me, she's pregnant and 15, mum is lonely and my entire family is constantly fighting, dad's recently lost his job and is drinking a lot, and everything in my life is about to be ruined. I guess I'm posting here because I'm not sure what to do, and my feelings are just getting worse and worse.

Need feedback, help!

replies: 2

Hi,So I wrote on here a week or 2 ago, im 23 years old and currently suffering what you could say is a mild case of depression/anxiety. I say mild because i'm generally a happy girl, I have great friends, family, boyfriend etc, I have the motivation ... View more

Hi,So I wrote on here a week or 2 ago, im 23 years old and currently suffering what you could say is a mild case of depression/anxiety. I say mild because i'm generally a happy girl, I have great friends, family, boyfriend etc, I have the motivation to do things, get out of the house, exersise etc. however, most of the time i'm on edge, I get upset and cry very easily and live in constant worry and fear of everything in my life. I make up scenarios in my head and stress about them non-stop that it keeps me up at night.I have established that I have a problem and spoken to people about it who have referred me to a doctor. I saw him for a few sessions and he put me on a mental health care plan and also prescribed anti depressants. I am all for seeing a psychologist, however, almost every psychologist i've called have said that I have to pay, which i dont mind doing, just not hundreds of dollars. On the other hand, im totally against anti depressants, because every review I have read up on them, people have said how hard it is to get off them and how reliant they become. Like I said, I'm generally a happy girl and i know i can get through this with a bit of help, but I just really dont think taking medication is the right thing for me.I feel as though im kind of on the right track as I get a little bit of motivation a day, but my negative thinking, doubting and constant worrying is holding me back. I just want it to go away! Is there any one in the same position as me, or anyone that has had a similar experience and gotten through it on their own that could help?

scared-alone-sad-confused

replies: 29

I am a 16 year old female at school and I have just recently noticed some changes within myself. I grew up as a happy, loud and bubbly person, but in the past few months I don't really know myself much anymore. Throughout 2013 I have felt so alone an... View more

I am a 16 year old female at school and I have just recently noticed some changes within myself. I grew up as a happy, loud and bubbly person, but in the past few months I don't really know myself much anymore. Throughout 2013 I have felt so alone and frustrated with life. I have been struggling with my older sister very badly battling Anorexia for the last 2 years and its not improving! just seeing her fading away and slowly dying in front of my eyes is slowly killing me and my family on the inside. Not only that but I have been going through bad bullying at school for the last 3 years (which is why ive finally moved for 2014). I was told how ugly, useless, worthless etc. I was and I lost all of my friends leaving me with only 3 friends at school. I was bullied at my sporting, school and mostly online and I couldn't get away from it. I used to use my home life to get away from all the bullying but having to deal with anorexia nervosa (I think that's how its spelt) at home its like im living in a hell.I have spoken to my mum once when she noticed that I had been harming myself but im scared to bring up any further advice because I don't want to seem like a freak,I have been struggling with being happy, I have days when im so happy and just out of the blue within less than an hour sometimes id randomly become depressed and want to sit in my room in the dark under the covers. I an finding it difficult to find my sport (dancing) fun as I just feel so tired and run down that I just don't feel up to it. I don't even feel like getting out of bed some days because I feel so empty in life. my mum is finding it difficult to deal with things at the moment as shes struggling with my sister with her anorexia and shes already said she cant handle me being moody grumpy and rude to her, but to be honest I cant help it sometimes I feel so angry that I could scream and then I just want to cry. and that makes me feel so alone, I don't like talking to anyone about this apart from my bestfriend but I don't like talking to anyone else because it makes me feel like they think im wanting attention or just over reacting.I have 2 older sisters with depression and my mum has anxiety and depression so I know talking to them would be good but I don't want to seem silly. the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I do have thoughts about if people would care if I didn't wake up one morning, and if I just disappeared one day because I just hate who I am and everything about myself. I would just like to know whats happening to me and what do I do beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

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replies: 33

It's been a while since my last post. I am feeling really bad right now, and struggling so much. I feel unloved, worthless, and useless. I am constantly alone and dont have the opportunity to get out, because I dont yet have a licence. My boyfriend a... View more

It's been a while since my last post. I am feeling really bad right now, and struggling so much. I feel unloved, worthless, and useless. I am constantly alone and dont have the opportunity to get out, because I dont yet have a licence. My boyfriend and only friend hardly ever wants to see me since he is so busy with uni. I too often sit alone in my room and turn all the lights off and cry. I am facing suicidal thoughts, and having previously self harmed I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel like the world would be better of without me because so many people in my life complain about everything I do, its as if effort does not matter its only if you do or dont succeed. I thought the world was a better place and I wish I could meet someone who could care for my existence because I feel like there is nothing in this road ahead, only pain and suffering. Each day is just the process of enduring more and more pain, eating away at you nerves, eating away at who you think you are, who you are and who you want to be. I dont what to do. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

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Procrastination, constant anxiety, worried about failing university.

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Help :(

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I don't know heat to do anymore.

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I don't feel anything

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Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Useless

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New here - traumatic night

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14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love.

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Need feedback, help!

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scared-alone-sad-confused

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Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Procrastination, constant anxiety, worried about failing university. replies: 3

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I don't know heat to do anymore. replies: 11

I don't feel anything replies: 3

Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Useless replies: 4

New here - traumatic night replies: 18

14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love. replies: 9

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New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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Procrastination, constant anxiety, worried about failing university.

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Help :(

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I don't know heat to do anymore.

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I don't feel anything

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Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Useless

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New here - traumatic night

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14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love.

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Need feedback, help!

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scared-alone-sad-confused

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