Friends? I sleep my life away.

[Just_Flick]

Hi,
I'm Flick, 22 and im new to this website/forum.
I have been suffering from Anxiety/depression and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for 6 years.
I have been a self harmer and ended up in hospital from this. I never wanted to kill myself, but i have harmed myself for different reasons. Like numbing my pain, or feeling like i deserve the pain or to make the pain stop. and cos it felt like a big release and rush.

I Have seen psychologists and psychiatrist over the years and they have helped but am currently not seeing anyone.
I have the most beautiful, understanding, amazing Boyfriend/life partner ever. we have been together 4 years and we live together just the 2 of us.
I love him more than anything in the world as he does me.
I have a part time job in a clothes shop and i work 10-20 hours a week because thats all i can handle. I think i am a bit of a flake...like i flake out on things when i cant handle them anymore. I have had 9 jobs since i was 15 and been unempoyed for up to 8 months at a time from not being able to work cause of my illnesses.
when im not working, then the rest of my life i spend sleeping and doing not much else. Occasionally will go out for tea or do lunch with someone. with my chronic fatigue it makes it really hard to do things, i dont have the energy. On my days off i sleep til about 3pm even though i went to bed at 10.30pm the night before.
No one i know seems to understand why i dont like to "go out for drinks" or have late nights. people think im just a sook or something. i have never met anyone who understand what i am going through.
I just wish i had some good close friends who i could talk to and who are like me.
I dont know how to meet people who are like me, who look like your normal average person. You cant tell from having a conversation with me that i am hurting so much on the inside.
Working in a clothes shop i see girls come in all the time having some much fun shopping with their friends and i am so envious.
i just feel like all the friendships i have had ended becasue no one can put in the effort to catch up in a way thats not going out and getting drunk or something.
Anyone else out there around my age feel the same?


Thanks

From Flick

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Flick,

You're coping very well and I hope you meet some more mature friends.    Today's vanity doesn't last, a night out drunk is really a memory and a balance of p/time work with your illness seems a great way to live.

Be yourself.    You don't need people to understand what you're going through although that's great empathy.  You need to be YOU.    Peer pressure sucks.

Deep inside, in 20 years, do you want to be self harming still ?  Worrying about getting a release ?  Or do you want to be accepting of your problems and finding a few better ways to live ?  Depressed sufferers are ALWAYS too hard on themselves. Kind of shows there's a chance to be nice to yourself too.

Adios, David.

[Just_Flick]

Hi David, thanks for your reply. can you please tell me a little bit more about how this site works with the forums? I've noticed you reply to a lot of people. Are you an admin/psychologist or something?

I feel like my life is on track, im slowly getting there. I have learned different ways to deal with my anxieties. I haven't self harmed in over a year, i think i try my best to be true to myself and i wont do something if i don't want to.
I know one day i will meet some amazing people who i will just click with, i just don't know how to find them.

Cheers

[giggles]

Hi Flick

While I am older than you I certainly do not believe that drinking is the only social activity out there and the fact that you hold down a part time job is great.

I know how you feel about that though I too feel that way about people my age thinking the alcohol and smoking is the only outlet there is.Have you considered the community activities at all like outreach programs etc they have some wonderful people working there and possibly people your age.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Flick,

The responders are all volunteers.   Somehow, and this might sound crazy, but the BB budget is only big enough for some die hard moderators and the Moderators Cat.   They tend to step in with responses and emails when things are very serious - you can email them on "forum@beyondblue.org.au" for more personal questions.    Imaginative titles such as Moderator A, B or Z pepper the forum.  Lol.

I'm a composer and have about 2 years responding mainly to my slightly manic (I'm bipolar) leaning and inability to sleep.  There are heaps of other responders who are kicking into this new BB site (changed/upgraded 03 Apr 2013) and some other long term responders - Geoff - being labelled the Father of the Board by myself for his efforts over 7 years.  He's currently off the site coping with the loss of one of his dogs.  The access to this site means responders frequently come and go.

So the admin is the moderators, the responders all volunteer their time & advice, it's a site in constant flux and sometimes toes get trodden on.  My wife is studying a Ph D in Music & the Brain (i.e. psychology is in da house !).  But, I gotta say, having been on BB a while, that some of the best moments come when people are just really honest and reach out and it brings out the best responses.  Mainly because we've all been there.

The various sections make finding areas of interest to someone just browsing really great.   The NEW POSTS seems to dig up all current responses in a fast way and is a real nod to how the old site worked.  We didn't have the sections just the daily updates.   If you look at christacat's "alone and hated" thread you'll see over a 1,000 viewing but less than a hundred replied.  It's probably the longest thread - about two and a half month s.  Some threads give up the ghost after a few days.

I'm not sure if that's explained anything.  Basically, we're all in the same boat.  Even the moderators.  As for the Moderators Cat - she might have just slept through this response.  Actually, I invented the Moderators Cat.  Just to be human.

Adios, David.

PS  Or you could just think what one cryptic responder wrote a few months ago (during a bit of a passage of different view points - OK, debate) "Dear David,  You seem to have a lot of time on your hands.  Just Saying.   See Ya, Peachy1".  But isn't a forum all the better for the diversity ?  You can always agree to disagree.

[guest1]

Hey do you know I am a support person to 8 main young people.

 Of the women (they are mostly women), they ALL self harmed as teenagers, and had problems with depression.

 So I want you to know there are others like you out there.

 Some people find holding cold ice cubes a reasonable alternative to self-harm .

I wish I could suggest a medication which if your tiredness is constant and a really big problem, and your depression is being taken into account, well there may be some medicines that could help.

If fatigue and tiredness is a massive problem, build a relationship with a doctor to discuss this. There are some medications a doctor may feel are worth trying, which are very good at getting rid of tiredness. But you would want to fully discuss the situation with a doctor, and some of these medications may be somewhat expensive, thus only to be used when you really need them.

I really hope you soon feel better about your life.

[guest1]

Just want to quickly add one more thing (sorry to double post).

 But you are absolutely no sook. And I can tell you, I have a lot of experience with things and people, and I take what you say very seriously.

 I certainly believe you, when you say you have these problems, and if people are not listening to you, then they are doing you an injustice and it is a flaw of THEIRS.