Uni Anxiety

[AnxiousS]

I'm in my first year of uni and finding it really tough. I graduated high school with a good score last year and I've always been one of those people who seemed to have their life all together - I was good at sport, academic, a school leader, had a social life, and had multiple jobs because I wanted to save money. I never had everything together as well as most people thought I did, but I managed at high school - uni has been a different story. Firstly, I'm finding it hard to make new friends and I feel really lonely. I'm outgoing and I'll become friendly with people in my classes, but I just can't seem to make actual friends. Everyone else I know seems to have made friends and I don't know why I can't quite do it. I'm still good friends with people from high school but I want to be able to make other friends and I don't know why I'm finding it so hard. Secondly, I'm really struggling with the academics. I've always been a high achiever and I feel enormous pressure to succeed in my course (which is a very hard course). I'm not enjoying it and I think I want to transfer but I don't know how to explain it to my family especially as we don't really have a discussion about mental health in this way. I've just finished exams and I found myself crying constantly during exams because I was struggling and I think I may have failed, which is something I'm not used to and I'm not handling well. I've been feeling really anxious about my future as well and I think it started with worrying about my career but has spiralled into a fear of never having a family and not having enough money and all these other things and I often struggle to sleep at night due to the stress of it all. I don't really have anyone to talk to at the moment, especially as the only person I every really spoke to about these things was a teacher at high school who I don't see anymore so any help on what I might be able to do would be super helpful

[Peppermintbach]

Hi AnxiousS,

I hope it’s okay if I extend a caring and warm welcome to you to the forums. I’m glad you decided to post as I know posting for the first time can be pretty nerve racking for most people. Good on you for reaching out...

You sound really overwhelmed, lonely, exhausted and perhaps somewhat lost at the moment. I feel it can be such an enormous transition from school to uni...it’s a lot of change to process and that can be very stressful and unsettling.

It must be discouraging to watch your friends make new connections while you struggle to make (new) friends. I have read posts where people suggest joining uni societies to try to build your network. I wonder if this is something that you might like to consider.

I suppose the key thing here is to join a group where you have a genuine interest. That way, you’re more likely to have common ground with the other members. E.g. it’s probably not the best idea to join a uni literature group/society if you don’t have any interest in literature.

You sound like a very bright, capable person who has a lot to offer. I feel it must be such a shock to your inner system to be go from having (presumably) relative confidence in your academic ability to being plagued by self doubt these days. That must be really disheartening for you...

Your course does sound challenging although given that it’s meant to be a difficult course, I feel it’s not necessarily a reflection of your capabilities. Chances are your peers are also finding it challenging too (but they might not necessarily be showing it).

About the course transfer, I was thinking maybe you might like to make an appointment with an academic advisor to discuss your concerns and ask for assistance/advice before making any major decisions...also you may not have necessarily failed. Sometimes I think students think they have failed but then find out that isn’t the case...

Also, I wonder if you would be willing to see someone at your uni’s counselling service. I think most unis have counsellors that offer free services to their students so maybe this is something you might like to look into...just a gentle suggestion.

Plus you’re always most welcome to write on the forums. You can write on your own thread and join in on any other thread any time 🙂

Sometimes I feel it can be helpful to vent, chat and make some connections here. If you’re feeling up to it, but no rush or pressure, it would be lovely to hear from you again.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Vero]

Hi AnxiousS

warm welcome to the site. I trust you will find it helpful. sharing your experiences halfs the load somewhat.

Take a deep breath. First year at uni is the hardest. the pressures are hard to get used to at first. Good organisational strategy may help. Also if things are too much taking 1 less subject maybe helpful. Career chancellor may be helpful in discussing your study area. Some degrees allows for flexibility in elective subjects. This could allow you to continue with the current coursework and try a subject from another discipline.

Your stress and anxiety would have debilitating impact on your performance at uni. When you tense your brain shuts down. Seeing a psychologist about this maybe of great benefit: she/he is likely to “hold” you through crisis situations, give you pointers on techniques how to keep anxiety attracts at bay and hopefully resolve any underlying issues if there are any. Untreated anxiety only gets worse over time. I am not referring to unpleasant nature of exams but a longer term mental tension.

Psych could assist you with the friendship dilemma. When you look around you and see your peers display a wonderful picture perfect of friendship, it maybe just that - an appearance. People have reasons to do that. There are strong friendships too but these are very rare, usually require a bit of luck and a lot of cultivation on those involved. It is great to around people with this type of friendship.

Majority of friendships are superficial, skin deep and formed to help to deal with new environment or situation. Both parties involved in such friendships would likely be on guard and not allow anyone else to join the friendship. It would appear an exclusive friendship.

they are of course light, friendly and highly functional friendships stared with a random conversation, etc. they are sweet but may or may not last past current circumstances , e.g uni.

You are in the transition to adulthood. High school friends are no more and work and adult friends are not yet.

Uni would have health, special interests and academic interest groups - picking one that makes you smile and attending the meetings maybe a source of contacts and friendships.

same in your community and these would be advertised on your local council site.

church is another area where you could meet people. Youth groups are usually very robust.

enjoy your mid semester break, let us know how you doing 🙂

[geoff]

Hello AnxiousS, a warm welcome to you.

It's a huge difference coming from high school to uni, classes don't happen every day and your day gives you more time than when in high school.

The topic of wanting to change courses you can talk to your family only if you feel you get a positive response, that is if there is someone, mum, dad or sibling who will understand your problems, but not if all they will do is criticise you, that won't be beneficial at all.

As this course is difficult doesn't mean that you have to challenge it, you need help before this can be done to regain your strength, so I would consider deferring for a year, maybe for 2 years or until you want to go back to it.

At the moment can you please do the K-10 test, it's a test to indicate any level of depression, do it several times but not straight after the other.

You have had multiple jobs before so see if you can become employed again but in the meantime book an appointment with your doctor, write down how you are feeling, take the results of your K-10 test and then ask for a diagnosis.

I would also ask for a mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 free sessions with a psychologist.

Remember help won't come to you until you ask for it.

Geoff.

[Guest_342]

Hello AnxiousS,

Congrats on your terrific efforts in getting into uni! Very exciting times, but I totally agree can be daunting too 🙂

I remember when I started uni for the first time that there was a fair amount of pressure on two fronts - one: to achieve excellent grades and secure internships as soon as possible to ensure I could get a good job after graduating, and two: there was still to an extent an idea of being one of the ‘cool kids’ and joining the most popular clubs and balls etc.

I’ve discovered over the ten or so years since uni that that social status or perception is not something I needed to expend energy on - my suggestion, as others have pointed out is that you find a uni club or society that reflects your interests and personal values, where you can truly be yourself and find like minded people. I agree it is hard to establish friendship just in the classroom - maybe think about other ways you can meet people 🙂 Or have you ever thought about hosting an exchange student or teacher, or even volunteering as a cultural exchange partner (e.g. someone an international student can catch up with over coffee each week for a chat)? Some unis have those programs. I reckon try to focus on finding activities that allow you to be yourself.

Regarding the study stress, is there any flexibility that you could allow for yourself - eg if you don’t achieve a high distinction in one particular semester, how will it really reflect on you later on? I’ve found that most of the learning I’ve done has been on the job - sure, you maybe need those basic techincal skills and formal qualification, but a great many jobs aren’t highly focused on the actual grades you got - so long as you can show you passed and have good work ethic and ability to learn and apply skills. There are so many different ways to show these attributes outside the formal grades and exams context when applying for jobs. What would work for me, I think, in your situation is to think, “What is the worst that could happen if I don’t do quite as well as I expect or want in my exams - or perhaps fail one subject?” Sure, there may be a little disappointment but it doesn’t shut doors to you. There are so many opportunities. Having lower expectations may mean you have less panic during exams and you may even pleasantly surprise yourself 🙂

I think we all need to be open to the possibility of failure and mistakes, in order to grow.

Also, could you do uni part time for a little while?

[AnxiousS]

thanks for replying Pepper,

I feel like I've tried to make friends through these sorts of methods - I play team sports and am part of clubs and societies but I just struggle to make friendships that are any more than a passing hello and facebook conversation from time to time. Part of it is probably that I'm hesitant to be the one to instigate things because I feel pushy but it makes things hard.

On the academic side, I guess I'm just worried about the impact failing a unit might have on my future - I know if people are willing to look past it I have so much more to offer in other areas, but the kind of jobs I'm aiming for are competitive and I worry that they won't give me a chance to show them that. I definitely will talk to a course advisor after the break to see what my options are though

Thanks again for everything 🙂

[AnxiousS]

thanks for replying Pepper,

I feel like I've tried to make friends through these sorts of methods - I play team sports and am part of clubs and societies but I just struggle to make friendships that are any more than a passing hello and facebook conversation from time to time. Part of it is probably that I'm hesitant to be the one to instigate things because I feel pushy but it makes things hard.

On the academic side, I guess I'm just worried about the impact failing a unit might have on my future - I know if people are willing to look past it I have so much more to offer in other areas, but the kind of jobs I'm aiming for are competitive and I worry that they won't give me a chance to show them that. I definitely will talk to a course advisor after the break to see what my options are though

Thanks again for everything 🙂

[AnxiousS]

thanks for replying Pepper,

I feel like I've tried to make friends through these sorts of methods - I play team sports and am part of clubs and societies but I just struggle to make friendships that are any more than a passing hello and facebook conversation from time to time. Part of it is probably that I'm hesitant to be the one to instigate things because I feel pushy but it makes things hard.

On the academic side, I guess I'm just worried about the impact failing a unit might have on my future - I know if people are willing to look past it I have so much more to offer in other areas, but the kind of jobs I'm aiming for are competitive and I worry that they won't give me a chance to show them that. I definitely will talk to a course advisor after the break to see what my options are though

Thanks again for everything 🙂

[AnxiousS]

Hi,

Firstly, thanks for your response.

I don't really feel as though it's my organisation as such that's causing me problems and more just the learning environment of uni. I'm used to having really small classes at school with constant access to my teachers which is obviously nothing like uni. I also, (and this is possibly just the units I've done), found this semester to be mostly about being able to absorb as much information as possible and blurt it out on the exam rather than actually understanding it which has made it difficult for me to do well.

I'm definitely considering seeing someone but it's a big step for me and it's taking time for me to build up the ability to be able to. I mentioned in another reply that I'm joining groups and sports teams that introduce me to people like me but I just struggle to extend the friendship past seeing each other at training or the occasional outside conversation.