I feel like I’m worth nothing anymore

[katackisoho]

Hey everyone,

I don’t know why I’m posting here, but I think it will help to hear others stories/get some advice.

I’ve had sad times in my life, nothing terrible though. Up until October last year. I turned 22 and I feel like everything went downwards, I received a promotion which should have been exciting right? But it wasn’t. I fell into this never ending sadness, I would call in sick to work constantly and all my boss would do was make me feel like crap. We had a sit down and she said “I should just get over it” which lead to me walking out and seeking help from my old boss who took me in with open arms. I started back as a casual at my old store and it didn’t get any better. I was once again told to get over whatever I was upset about, that I’m hardly there anywhere so I have no reason to be sad.

I feel like this is all over the place, but my workplace starting making me feel depressed and anxious. When I knew I had work the next day I couldn’t sleep, I’d feel physically ill and when I went to work I couldn’t relax. I knew it was time to look for a new job, so here I am. 5 months into my job seeking journey, I get interviews but I never receive a job offer. My partner doesn’t understand how hard it is for me, he’s always been someone who gets everything handed to him from his dad and has never had to experience the job seeking process. I feel like his family judges me when all I’m doing is my hardest. I feel stupid, and I really do just feel worthless. I had everything once upon a time and now I feel like I have nothing. I had plans to start saving for a house, but all I get is four hours a week from my job.. It feels like it won’t get better. I guess I just need reassurance from someone who is/has been through all of this before.

[smallwolf]

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Just about to go to psychiatrist but I want you to know that I can identify with elements of your story and wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Also note that I believe you. It is hard for others to see what goes on in your head. But you matter.

Speak more later.

Tim

[JessF]

Hello katackisoho, it sounds like your anxiety is running your life at the moment. It has a tendency to spiral too, if you're already anxious about your work, and then you start thinking about losing that work, and what others may think of you, it can be like an avalanche. You can't think straight, and it becomes overwhelming very quickly. This is what leads to thoughts like "it won't get better" and "I had everything but now I have nothing". Anxiety leads us to think in extremes because that's what anxiety feels like. Like someone has pushed the emergency alarm button and just left it going!

It sounds like you're trying very hard to find work at the moment and not succeeding. There are many reasons why this might be happening, from your resume not matching what kind of jobs you're going for, to there being lots of competition for the particular jobs you are seeking.

But what you don't mention in your post is if you are doing anything to get on top of your anxiety, like seeking counselling or trying to get to the bottom of what is causing it for you in the first place.

From reading your post, it sounds to me like that promotion was not what you wanted, but because it was a promotion you thought you should take it. You weren't happy in that role, and when it didn't work out you felt like you had failed. Then you went back to your old job, which perhaps felt like a kind of failure as well, particularly when that didn't work out either. You sound low on confidence. Have you had time to step back from the job seeking treadmill to think about what you would actually like to do for work? Is it just so you can have money to save for a house, or is it something more?

Anxiety at its core is fear about the future. That future might be ten years from now or it might be what's happening this afternoon. But it's all about what our brains think what "might" happen and is often miles away from what will "actually" happen. I think it's going to be important for you to work out what's happpening to cause your anxiety so that when you get back into work again that these patterns don't start to repeat, as that's when you start to feel really trapped.

[katackisoho]

Thank you Tim.

[katackisoho]

Hey JessF,

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. I felt myself nodding my head to so much of this, and it makes things make a lot more sense. I was seeking help early this year, but I had thoughts of “I’m just wasting their time” or “my problems aren’t that bad” I often doubt myself a lot which isn’t helpful. You’ve given me a lot to think about, and I need to book myself back in to seek some help. I really do appreciate your help so thank you so much 🙂

[startingnew]

Hello and welcome

i can relate really well to feeling worthless and that i should just get over it' please know your not alone. Im 21 and have been through hardships too.

Please know that seeking help isnt wasting anyones time nor is it a sign of weakness. I see it as a sign of strength. So many people are afraid to see help and by you coming here and sharing your story is so so brave and it i also a really positive step. Well done.

Please seek help from your gp and psychologist or if your not comfortable wirh them seek someone new. You matter. Your worth it. And you were put on this earth to see more than just hardships, you just have to get through the crappy stuff first. Your not alone.

[smallwolf]

Back now...

My story sort of started late last year,

[smallwolf]

Back now... (this is the somewhat abridged version)

My story sort of started late last year. Some things happened one evening at work which created symptoms associated with anxiety - racing heart, lump in throat etc. Thing were not better the next day. In fact they were worse, so I called my mum and explained what happened. In hindsight I might have been suicidal at that point. The feeling that I had been getting would come and go over the years. But there was something different about this time. As a side note I was also incredibly snappy, short, angry, frustrated. But I would not let those feelings out. Rather I would let them grow and fester inside me. A visit to the GP and I was then referred to an psychologist. I would find out from the language I used or didn't use etc, that I had severe depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. Things got a bit worse this year, and another trip back to the GP for antidepressants, and a psychiatrist was added to the mix, and I was then on sick leave.

Why am I telling you all this? One thing I had to do was discuss what was going on with my boss as work. There were other people inside and outside of the workplace who I also mentioned what I was going through. The responses I got were things like "I don't understand why you worry so much", or "You will get over it!" or similar unhelpful remarks. There were also other people who had been in similar situations to me who were very supportive, and understood, and check up on me periodically.

So, in terms of people being un-supportive... Yeah, they exist unfortunately. But in this environment people will listen to you and offer encouragement and support as is possible. Reread the last paragraph from startingnew.

Equally important is to remember it might take some time to reverse whatever it was that caused this to occur in your mind. It is not a sprint. And even if you feel things are not working out with your GP or psych, make sure you tell them, but also to try out whatever suggestions they give you. Some of the tools I have been given by my psych take practice. And I still have problems doing what the psych tells me.

Tim