The Title :PP (Strong Crush on Mean Person][to put it simply]

RuneCat17464 · ‎02-12-2016

I am usually a pretty loud and energetic person but then I started getting a crush on this girl [um had it for almost a year now] and I'm really confused about my sexual identity but that's not really like my 'main' problem I suppose. For me, when I get a crush, I get really shy (lose the ability to speak real words) and when I do stay stuff I'm not really thinking so it sounds stupid (which it is). Uh my happiness has become almost completely dependent on her but shes pretty mean to me [said my friends and my brain] but I like love her a lot(for some reason) [love is weird - Johanna Mason] and I'm always lying to myself that 'im just too sensitive' 'she is not mean its just her personality' and I've been really unhappy and get really dramatic mood swings- one minute im laughing and running around and the next im hiding in the toilet crying or something. She has suspicions that i'm obsessed with her but not crushing -I've talked to a few close friends and counsellors and they all said to build a boundary but I'm not really sure how to do that and stick with it...

pipsy · ‎02-12-2016

Hi RuneCat. From the sounds of it, this is your first love/crush. You sound quite young. The tongue-tied (shyness) you describe is not uncommon when you meet someone you really like. Adults have similar problems. You try to say something really funny/smart and it comes out 'wrong'. Or you try ignoring her because you're scared of looking silly in front of her and your own mates. The mixed emotions you describe are all part and parcel of being unsure how you feel and unsure how she feels. Have you spoken to her to ask if she likes you? Is she interested in anyone else or does she seem to be interested in you too? You said she was 'mean' to you, may I ask how she's mean? Does she say nasty things, does she ignore you. It could be she likes you and is just as unsure how to approach you. Perhaps, without it being obvious, you could observe her to see if she does have a bf. Once you establish there is no bf, ask a mutual friend to introduce you formally so she can meet you properly and realize you want to be friends. Maybe she is pretending to be mean so as not to admit she likes you as much as you like her. I wouldn't actually be guided by others telling you whether she likes you. Only she knows whether she likes you.

Lynda

geoff · ‎03-12-2016

hello RuneCat, I don't think it matters whether it's your first love or your 100th crush, they never change, and we often think of words to say that would please the person or make them laugh, but usually you come off second best and feel a fool, but that's shyness caused by being in love.
All you are hoping for is for her to say that she loves you and will always give you compliments as well as praise, but when something is said outside of this you feel as though she may have offended you, but it may not be this, she could be teasing you in her own way and not meaning to harm you.
When you see somebody every day, constant eye contact between the two of you is a give away that you have a crush on someone, and no matter who you talk to, nothing will help you overcome this until you make physical contact with her, that is start talking to her.
There's no medicine to help you, because you will still be wondering, you have to find out yourself, perhaps try brushing yourself against her, supposedly by accident, but really deliberately, and your can't build a boundary, because you will still be wondering whether she loves you or not, you have to be brave and game enough to to do it. Geoff.

RuneCat17464 · ‎03-12-2016

Thanks for replying hehe I've had crushes before but they were when I was like in primary school and they didn't really mean anything, really. she calls me some rude words but she does it to everyone I think...there was this stage where I was too awkward to say anything and she thought I was ignoring her so she ignored me back until she found out I wasn't ...Um really early on when I had a crush on her I teased her about a boy who likes her and she sort of exploded... she's in a lot of the activities I do so we usually talk a little ...and i have not asked her if she likes me because it'd be sorta awkward ...there was this stage where I thought she hated me but my friends told me that she didn't hate me uh I don't really think that she detests me now but lol sorta trapped in a cycle

pipsy · ‎03-12-2016

Hi RuneCat. I guess really all you can do is ask her to have lunch or maybe go to the movies or something. Maybe also make sure you're not alone with her till you know it's okay. She could be shy like you and uncertain of boys. Actually she sounds like she treats everyone the same whether she likes them or not. I feel she does like you, but perhaps just as a friend. You've got nothing to lose by just being around her as a friend and see how things go. Remember, we 'adults' have similar problems when we like someone and we're not sure they like us. Often just making friends and talking to them helps build confidence.

Lynda

RuneCat17464 · ‎04-12-2016

Thanks again hehe. This crush has be e n really affecting all my relationships with my friends and school work etc ..any advice???

pipsy · ‎04-12-2016

Hi RuneCat. I'm sure once you find out where you are with this girl your concentration will return. Your friends probably realize you are in love and will accept you are having problems concentrating. They may tease you slightly, adults often tease each other gently when they know one colleague really likes another colleague. The only one who can get this sorted is you. You like her, let her know how you feel. If she likes you go with it. If she doesn't want to get involved - yes, it's going to hurt. Either way, you will know and you can the concentrate better. Hesitating and holding yourself away from finding out is making you miserable. Sometimes we just have to take the plunge. You have nothing to lose at this stage.

Lynda