Sad Clown

[Vince2795]

Hello my name is Vince and I am new to the forum. I am a law student in my 20's living on campus and have recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Despite having a large network of friends I can't seem to connect with anyone or let anyone know how I am really feeling. 

Instead I put on facade where I am always happy and trying to make my friends laugh, but feeling lonely and miserable on the inside. I keep telling myself I am a complete loser that will always be lonely, that I will never find  a girlfriend, have anyone that cares about me, and that the only reason my friends hang around me at the moment is because I am a source of entertainment for them. I tell myself that the minute I try and reach out my friends will see me as a mope or moody person and will no longer want me around, so whats the point of trying? I'm getting good marks at uni and enjoy my degree but I can't even see the point of continuing if I am still going to be a loser at the end of it. I have run out of reasons to get out of bed and get to class, work, or socialize, not matter what I do I am still going to be that guy who is only as good as his forced smile. Even my family see me as a weirdo and only tolerate me because I am at uni doing something with my life. 

I hate the fact I am wasting space on this forum with my mediocre problems, and for that I apologize, but I need to get this off my chest. 

[S_A_D_]

Look for the silver linings. Focus on the positive. Draw confidence from the excellent things in your life.

[mee]

hi mate

u have no idea how much i envy ur studying and capability to succeed, im mid 40s, my body is worn , i am currently unemployed under very dubious circumstances, to try to study like u = my study skills are 0 and no idea as to what id do let alone at my age be successful , my funds are low and theres no one to support me,,,,,,,,,,,, NO you arent wasting space on this forum with your mediocre problems,,,,,,,,,, they are real and just part of your brain structure, most people suffer something mentally in their life time,,,,,,, id say yours may be stress related,,,,,,,,,, seek some meds maybe, just to get you through ,,,,,,,, also breath deep, absorb the oxygen , then force it out,,,,,,,,,, when you slip into anxiety u dont oxygenate properly which only exasperates the problem , stand up during the breathing and stretch out so ur body loosens up,,,,,, its like domino effect, one thing leads to  another,,,,, stress, tension, lack of oxygen etc etc etc,,,,,,, try to clear and settle your mind and ur thinking,,,,,,,, we are all here for you mate ,,,,,,,,,,,also offer advice in here, it can be very therapeutic !!!!!!!!!!

keep safe mate im with you 🐵

[geoff]

dear Vince, you may seem to think that your problems are mediocre, but that's not how we treat any comment that is posted here on this forum, alright you may believe so, but there are so many deep thoughts associated with depression and most of these are combined into one.

There is no doubt and this has been shown many times on this bulletin board, that our 'friends' and even our closest 'friends, drop us like a ton of bricks when we tell them of our depression.

I don't think it's fair that your family only accepts you because you are going to uni, this is a cop out, you maybe struggling like hell at uni, so don't they get the point it may mean nothing to you, and perhaps you are only doing a course just to please them, and what would happen if you postpone or deferred your uni for a year, is this going to break the shackles and their prestige.

Uni is nothing compared to having depression, uni can be done later on down the track, but it's this illness that you need help with first and foremost.

If you want to defer then that's your decision and nobody else's.

Please go and see your doctor, you don't have tell anyone, because you will probably be frowned upon, bad luck, you need to get better, because if you don't then life will be a struggle. Geoff.

[giggles]

Hey Vince

I am a newbie as well but a survivor of depression.Everything you have said is all real and I used to cover up with what my name suggests giggles.While I could mask everything with giggles I could not mask my depression.It eventually took hold very much like you are today.

It sounds awful saying this but it is so true in times like this it is when you discover who your real friends are. They will be the ones that acknowledge what you are saying and will want you too seek help.What are you like with someone who is depressed have you ever spoken to anyone about it?it has taken me many years to master what I do as a strategy for the familiar feelings of depression but you will need to find out what your twig will be because we are all different I can never assume what I do will work for you.However please you owe it to yourself to start talking to someone and of course you decide who that will be allbeit professional or a friend that you feel confident with to start a conversation.

Take some time to find out what may be causing this and protect your studies especially if you are succeeding in them.You may not think they are worth it now but believe me your future could show you differently.I do not even know you but I do know that you are worth listening too so good luck with finding someone soon.They may surprise you and you will only learn something that needs moving within you not outside you.

[Vince2795]

Firstly I would just like to say thankyou to Pandora, Mee, Geoff and Giggles for taking the time to respond and providing advice. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to reply, I really appreciate it, thanks guys.

Unfortunately what I said in my original post is just the tip of the iceberg for things that have been playing on my mind. On top of my social anxieties, I am struggling with how to help one  friend who is suicidal, the guilt of not helping another friend who used to be suicidal, another friend/housemate who had a mental breakdown last year which triggered an onslaught of once buried emotions and memories about my childhood and my father who once tried to kill me and the rest of my family... it's exhausting just writing about it.

The difficulty is the fact that I have to build up the courage and talk to my friends- and like giggles said 'see who my real friends are.' I have been on antidepressants for the last 2 months, which have had the effect of at least making me more functional, but as we all know medication alone doesn't really cut it. As you can probably see keeping all this stuff bottled up inside really isn't do me any favors.

Once again everyone thankyou for taking the time to respond, you have encouraged me to reach out to my friends about my depression. I'm sure you will be hearing from me in the future on these forums, and who knows maybe I can offer some advice of my own and be of some use to others.

[geoff]

dear Vince, your post has shown that a lot of pressure has been put onto yourself, by these people, and trying to help someone who is suicidal is really a full time job, well it's not really a job, but the care that has been initiated by someone who takes their time to help these poor people.

It can be a constant helping hand, but there are times that we aren't able to help them, because we to are experiencing our own anxieties, and with friends feeling like the way they are with thoughts of suicide, and by having a breakdown, for gods sake this is too much to handle.

And the memories of what your father wanted to do you is incredible , how on earth could a person ever think like this, and just imagine my Dad wanting to kill me, it's totally unthinkable, and way off my radar, and never ever thought of.

This must have been an awful experience, for a helpless child to be threatened by someone ,your dad to want to kill you.

 I have known where an adult wanted to kill his father, who I used to look after, and I know that this threat could have happened at anytime, but I couldn't be with him 24/7, so most mornings I knocked on the door in fear and total apprehension.

To see who your friends are, well that's easy because most just disappear, but it's best not to bottled up all of these problems, because they churn away, and build up, and one problem becomes 10 fold.

You have to remember to look after yourself first, and although the other people need help, then they need professional assistance, they can't expect you to handle all of their problems, because it will get to you, and you will find yourself falling into the black pit. Geoff.

[giggles]

Hi Vince

Oh your welcome and goodness you have been sitting on a bombshell.I shall be watching out for your posts but it sounds like you have been a victim of other peoples problems which I shall be waiting to see how you turn it around thank heavens we have time on our hands to put it to good use in the undoing I call it.Which put very simply is finding out just how you truly felt about issues in your life and what your power base will be to take personal power back.How you do it will be interesting.

Good luck with your talking it is far from easy but I have faith in you because you took courage to write.

[S_A_D_]

Hello and welcome back Vince,

I was beginning to wonder if you were receiving us. Too many people post a question, and never follow up. We have no idea if advice has been received, or what effect it has had.

Our stories are very similar. I also have many "friends" with severe mental illness. I too was threatened many times by my father, sometimes with a weapon and a rage in his eyes that shook me to the core of vulnerability. I am also a university student studying a bachelor of psychology. I strongly recommend any first year psychology unit. They are absolutely brilliant, and universities often encourage students to take broadening units. Learning about my mind and brain has helped my to understand and articulate my personal experience of mental illness and how it affects me. This has become my best defence, and I draw enormous strength from my new awareness.

I believe one of the reasons people make and maintain friendships is to generate mutually beneficial conditions that can be shared, enhancing the experience. There are many different ways that friendships can be beneficial, and when you are trying to evaluate "who your real friends are" I suggest you consider your hierarchy of needs and think about how much each friend supports some needs but not others. It is also important to evaluate how much each friend is actually capable of providing benefits, and how much of their needs you are supporting. To see an example of what a hierarchy of needs looks like, do a google image search for Maslow's needs (more detail available from psych 101 course), and decide from that what needs you consider most important, and which are (comparatively) luxuries that you might one day try to acquire. Finally, comparing friends with each other, and comparing how many friends you have relative to the number of friendships you are comfortable maintaining, will help make clear who and how many friends to unfriend (if any), and what you're looking for in a friend that supports needs that have so far been left unattended.

Medication can be good. A combination of medication and therapy is better. I hope that after looking into a psych unit you will see that visiting a psychologist carries no stigma. It is a sign of enormous strength to talk about yourself, even in a confidential or anonymous environment like this, and this place is relevantly similar to a psychological therapy environment. We try to be gentle. No pressure.

[geoff]

dear Facetious or Pandora's Paradox, rather long, but I have to agree I did a major in psychology, but the first year was definitely the best, so I was really looking forward to year 2 then 3, but then I lost interest, because the last two years were disappointing, boring and not what I was expecting. L Geoff. x