a long story, but its worth reading. how it all started

[demis_]

hi, I am 19 year of age and made a stupid decision over a month ago to take pills with my friends in town. i have never done this before and i noticed i wasn't feeling well days after taking them. i slept for a week straight and couldn't bring myself to eat or drink anything. i went to the doctors 5 days after taking the pills my heart started racing when me and my mum went to the car i was scared i was going to pass out. i could barely make it to the doctors and when we got there the doctor recommended i go to the hospital so they can monitor me and check everything is okay. they sent me home after an hour or so and i go home and eat but then i can feel my heart racing again and i cant calm down so we go back to the hospital so they can monitor me and get calm. they give me script for nausea pills ask i couldn't move or look with out wanting to be sick. a week later i notice im not feeling well, well turns out i was having all the bad symptoms for the nausea pills such as tiredness, hazy vision, delayed movement and more. i stop taking the pills and i start feeling better. i decide to go into the city with my sister and i start not feeling good but i think im just making myself think it. so i power on. i feel weird on the bus and when we got off as well. we walking into a store and i feel 'strange' i feel like im spinning out and things start getting worse when im at the register. i tell my sister i might just have to eat something. so we go to maccas and get our orders and sit down. next thing i feel like i have to throw up i walk out cause i need air. my sister comes and find me and we decide to get a taxi home, my sister is being real supportive of me and im thankful for that. we get in a taxi and don't even make it 10 meters and i feel like i have to throw up again so we get out. we end up caling my sister friend to come get us. while we waiting i explain to my sister what im feeling is what i felt like when i was on the pills. i have these racing pins and needles from the back of my head to my legs, my legs feel like jelly, i feel like i have to be sick, my heart is racing and i have this disconnected feeling. in the car home i got my head in a bucket but couldn't throw up. we get home and im feeling better. i stay home for a few days and then my mum wants to go to marion so i go with her. when im getting ready i feel like i have to be sick but i go anyways. we get into marion and i tell my mum i might go the car i don't feel well. she does her own thing while im in the car. when were driving home i can tell shes frustrated with me and then she says stop you giving yourself anxiety and from there out things were bad. we got home and i developed a HUGE fear or being home by myself. everyone was going out that night. i ended up sitting out side and refused to go inside with out being on the phone to my friend till she came and got me. i stayed at her house the whole weekend and Sunday my mum got me and we went to the doctors. i tell him everything that has happened and he says its pretty much anxiety and he put me on half a tablet of an antidepressant. the first few days were tough i still had all these symptoms. i refused to sleep by myself for the first few nights and the wost thing was the rush of pins and needles all down me and this 'disconnected feeling. one night symptoms we so bad i had to call a doctor but he couldn't do anything for me but give me herbal pills to put me asleep. all can keep saying is i need help so i ended up seeing a psychologist i was so thankful cause i need that support and help. my second appointment with her i i tell her im scared of going crazy, she says i have to push myself to get back into normal life and i pushed myself with the little things like going to the shops, catching the bus and going back to work. its been  5 week since all of this started and i it was my first day back at work. i was roster on for 2 nine hour shifts. so i wake up, get ready and get on the bus. the bus drives past my work and my chest sinks. i walk in the center and start crying. i had to call my mum to help me. she guides me through what to do and i power on. i got into my work and break out crying to my managers i had to tell when has happened (not that i voluntary took pills) and they were supportive and i asked to start off with 3 hour shift and work my way up. i powered through a 3 hour shift it seemed like it went for 10 hours though. iv been back at work for going on 3 weeks now and im at 5 hour shifts now. time still seems to go so long though, the days use to just fly by. i know this was long but this my story and how it all happened.

although i am feel better now things are still hard. i just want to go away on a holiday and come home and everything will be how i dream of it.