My self-fulfilling prophecy

[Lachy3130]

I have been more or less unemployed my entire short life. I have only had roughly 5 months which was in 2013, and about 2 months worth of work days last year. I enjoy working, that's no lie, however I can not see the point in looking for any. I am in a cycle that I can clearly see but it has no way out of it.
I will first find myself without money to feed or transport myself with, so I will hype myself up to find work. When I put a lying smile on my face and tell those who turn me away that I would love to work for them, that I am keen to start whenever they are ready, that I am happy to do whatever job no matter how small, I go into them trying to believe that I can get the job.
Then I either get a generic email saying that I am not eligible for the job, that someone more worthy has taking it. If I hear from them at all that is.
So whatever small amount of self worth I have is snuffed out, so I give up on looking for work. That is until I find myself broke with little food and fuel until my next payment and I look again.
This has happened so many times that I truly think that I will never work again in my life. I know that this means that thinking this just means that it will keep happening again and again.
At times I just want to tell those who interview that I know that they think I'm hopeless. That I won't get the job. That I'm wasting their time, along with everyone else who's going for the job.
While I sometimes think about removing myself from this cycle, I won't. It would hurt the people I love far too much
So I'll lie again about looking for work, that I care about my studies, that I want to smile and laugh. It's what's expected of me.

[BballJ]

Hi Lachy3130,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story, many people struggle with writing how they are feeling so the fact you were able to do it, is great so please be proud of that and that is also a good first step in the recovery.

Sorry to read what you have been going through, finding a job is always tough and sometime even when you have all the experience in the world, you cannot get a job. It does sound like you want to work but just don't like getting turned down which in turn lowers your motivation to find another one. Have you thought about going to a recruitment agency to find a job? Are you looking for something in particular or really want any sort of job at this stage? I don't have that magic piece of advice to help you get a job but I like to think that each interview you get is a chance to learn how to interview and finding things you can improve on next interview. Things that have worked for me in the past is when sending in a resume, I like to call the work place and speak to the recruiter, reason I do this, is they know who I am when my resume comes through and if you can get their email directly then it is even better. This is also good because it allows them to have a mini phone interview because they will generally ask some basic questions about you whilst they have you on the phone. Just something I believe that has helped me previously when looking for a job.

You have posted this in the depression section of the forums, do you suffer from depression or any mental health issue? If you have never really spoken about it before, one thing I recommend is going for a visit to your local GP and speaking about a possible mental health plan. The fact you said you think about removing yourself from the cycle, I feel those thoughts need to be addressed by a trained professional. These forums are great for support and general advice but we are mostly made up of fellow mental health sufferers who support each other.

Please also remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feeling.

Please, post back as much as you wish, always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Sad_Puppy_Dog]

Hi Lachy, I'm going through a similar situation too and I hope I can find myself more time tomorrow to really elaborate on my thoughts. But the basic thing is that I am going through my toughest bout of depression/anxiety and have been unemployed (Aside for a 3 mth job) since Oct 2015 when uni finished...and that was as a mature age student. I know all too well how this affects your confidence, motivation, self worth and creating seeds of doubt, etc. Like I said, I ant to elaborate.

But...you mention studies. Are you studying something right now? If so, what is it? If not, is that an option for awhile. Whether it be something for a few months or a 2-3 year course commitment, is that something that is worth pursuing, to build up some skills, take up a new interest or build upon an existing interest and simply take you out of that horrible job search mode for the time being?