Lonely, depressed anxious and uncertain about the future

[dev27]

Hello to those who are reading
I am 20 years old and I have been struggling with feelings of extreme sadness and loneliness for about 3.5 years now. I have always found it hard in social settings to talk to people and get extremely nervous making eye contact. Basically I have very limited social skills.
This year I dropped out of uni (without telling my parents) and started to work in fast food. Getting this job was a big deal to me as it is my first ever job and I had been dreading the interview. I took the job to earn a bit of cash and to take some time off from school to figure out what I wanted to do with my life... the problem is I still have no idea! I feel so left behind in life. My mum's friends have children around my age who are well into their degrees, have great part time jobs, good school/work/life balance and will graduate next year. I feel so useless compared to them.
I get extremely embarrassed as I am older than majority of my co workers who are all high schoolers and they would often ask why I started my first job so late at the age of 20 and I'd be too scared to tell them about my anxiety and that I dropped out.
I also still dont have a P's (drivers license) because the thought of driving absolutely terrifies me. I have made it a goal to start driving it 2018 but I'm scared I won't follow through.
To make matters worse, I have overheard my mum on many occasions bad mouthing me to her friends and their children. She tells them how i stay in my room all day, how I never talk to anyone, says its 'weird' how I dont like girly things such as makeup and dressing up because I prefer tshirts, sneakers and jeans, how its pathetic I still dont have my license, how unaccomplished I am for a 20 year old... it just really annoys and hurts me to hear her tell all these things to people I barely know and really makes me lose trust in her. When I see some of mum's friends in public I could sense that they were looking down on me.
I have very low self esteem and sometimes this feeling of extreme irritability and sadness will waver over me and I will just burst out crying thinking about my future and how much of a failure I am. Will I be working at this fast food restaurant for the rest of my life? What will I tell my family when next year comes around and Im 'supposed' to be graduating with my degree?
Being lonely and depressed has given me no urge to be productive, no goals, no aspirations and no motivation.

[Eddie93]

I can't tell you how much what you are saying resonates with me, I went to UNI for one day and left!! xD

Im 24 and have no idea what I want to do, I haven't worked properly for a year and am only doing random things for friends and relatives, my sister just got her first job and recently got her drivers license and she is 21.

With all of the above said I'm actually doing alright, I do have some skills even if many of them aren't very work oriented and that's fine with me, I'm not living to work, just working to live.

Also an important thing to remember I believe is that it really isn't your fault, whether it's genetics, circumstances, childhood or unkown etc which all effect how we are, it's very much out of our control and often the people who seem to have it all under control have issues of their own which they overcompensate for.

as for the makeup, don't worry, I've never been into makeup or girly things either 😉

Ed

[CMF]

Hi Dev and welcome,

I'm so sad to hear how you are feeling. The firat thing thst comes to mind is thst you are YOU. You are not your mum' s friends kids. What works for them doesn't have to work for you. It disappoints me to hear you mum bad mouthing you and causing even lower self esteem. Are you able to have a chat with her about your feelings, depression, anxiety. I think she really needs to understand you.

Might be good to visit your gp for a chat and maybe referral for counselling to help you eith how your feeling.

As far as uni/working in fast food etc well maybe uni isn't for you at the moment. Not everyone has it all fugured out straight away. There is so much pressure on you kids to go to uni, get a degree. What do you really want to do? Maybe look at tafe or short courses if you want to work think what youd like to do and work toward thst. One thing i know you need support not criticism.

Take care

CMF x

[CMF]

Hi again

Mmybe make a list of small goals thst you think you could achieve ie visit dr, work on self esteem, look at courses, thinking other jobs. Nothing urgent just ideas for direction. Tick them off as you go. I do this when I feel overwhelmed. Also writing your feelings down is good, just write freely no one has to see it. Have a look headspace, they offer counselling and meditation apps for relaxation.

I have a thread called "by this time next year I want to..." You're welcome to have a look.

CMF x

[mango-cardo_shrew]

Me too man. I'm a like 2 years yonger than you but I can relate so much.

I'm really scared about change because I can't seem to get myself up. I mean just sitting there hearing all the teachers and peers around me talking about the future and how most of us are going to change jobs about 7 times terrifies me. If I can't even bring myself to complete what's expected of me at school how am I going to survive? My single mother supports me. I should be getting myself a job and helping out with the finances. But I won't because I'm scared of what's outside.

Sometimes I wonder if the only way I can get myself out and actually do something with my life is to move out so I'll have to rely on myself. It scares me. I'm scared of what my school is going to do because it's year 12 for me in 2018 and I also feel bad for causing so much trouble for them. I know that if I pick myself up and start working hard then our lives could probably turn around. It's so frustrating to live this way though. I don't have a good relationship with my mother, I even hate her sometimes. I feel like I'm falling behind on things, while my friends are getting organised and figuring out what path they want to take in university I'm just sitting here and wasting my life. I hate this life of mine.

This is wearing me out. And my time is running short. I can't leech off my mother for my entire life and I really don't want to.

[Iwanttochange]

Hey Dev,

I know exactly what kind of pain you’re going through right now. I’m 17 and just finished school. I have been disappointing my parents for about two years with my results. They invested a countless amount of money into my education and I threw it all away. Much like with your mother I hear my parents talking to their friends and saying how I never leave my room or how I never make an effort to communicate to anyone from school our outside of my PlayStation friend group. The problem I have is similar to yours in a way. I have poor social skills and find it extremely awkward making eye contact which only further increases the awkwardness. I cannot maintain a friendship especially now that the only person I talked to and trusted doesn’t like me anymore. For me it has came to the point where I am too afraid to try making new friends and building upon new relationships because I’m scared. I’m scared of being left again and having my heart broken once more. But it’s important to find something you enjoy to escape this reality we live in for the time being. Look for a copping mechanism whether it be in books, music or even video games like I do. It helps escape these thoughts of failure that enter our minds daily. And this will come of as hypocritical from me as I’m to afraid to do it, but try to confront your Mum about your feelings. Tell her how you feel and try to build a stronger emotional relationship with her. It will make life a bit easier and she’ll understand your situation. But if you don’t want to tell her about your mental state then at least ask to go for a drive and persue your P plate. But if you do not wish to seek this through then the strongest advise I could give you is to go to a councillor and you can choose if you wish to tell your family or not.

I hope this helped but there is not a lot I can offer as I have similar issues. I’m only advising you to do a similar thing to what I did which has helped me cope with my issues. The depression and anxiety will pass eventually and we will achieve our goals and find the motivation we need to succeed in life and find new friends and build upon relationships.

[Lolue]

Hi Dev,

Ican relate a little to your situation Im 23 years old and didn' get my first job until I was 22 and have only the past couple of months started doing driving lessons. I think it's great you'e set yourself a goal of wanting to start driving. I think it can be something to help gain confidence.

In regards to uni there are lots of people who get a degree and don't end up even working in that industry and using their degree. There are lots of people who go on to study later in life. I myself aren't even using my degree. So it's okay to go at your own pace. I thought of few things that maybe you could try that might help you discover what you might want to do career wise and that can also be social:

-write a list of your interests, hobbies or even what was your favourite class in school?

-take a short course or tafe course

Maybe you enjoy cooking or fashion, etc. And decide to take a cooking class. You could take a short class based of an interest.

-volunteer work

Volunteering is a great way to gain experience, try out a potential career and meet new people. Some examples are:

-animal shelters (I have friends who love animals who volunteer at shelters)

-events and film festivals (there are lots of film festivals where you can meet people and get to watch films for free)

-charity events

I hope that list helps and maybe sparks some ideas 🙂