Hi

[Eddie93]

Hi, I'm pretty new here and have attempted to answer a few people's posts but not started a thread.

I hate to be a downer but I don't actually feel that posting is going to help me but there is nothing to lose so here it is. Basically I've been on and off depressed for about 6 years and it doesn't seem like it's going to stop, I get overwhelmed so easily by things I don't want to do, I'm 24 and although I've finished my apprenticeship in steel (which I hate with a passion) I haven't studied anything anything and I'm I can't see myself ever working steel again.

Its been a year since I last properly worked and generally work a couple days a week helping with my grandmothers farm which is pretty cool but find I really can't sustain working without wanting to go home lol.

In a way I really want to go to Uni to try and make friends, socialise and be normal as I think having limited friends has really hurt me mentally. On the other hand I really don't want to go to uni because there is nothing I can see myself studying passionately or not getting overwhelmed with and I'm pretty sure making friends is way more of a fantasy than reality which really upsets me sometimes as I feel like a freak.

TLDR:

got no idea what I'm going to do with my life and often feel like I've had enough as I have no purpose and feel like I've thought of everything to do for work.

Im really not after sympathy and really don't care for it sorry but if ANYONE has answers or can tell me what's really worked for them I'd be really greatful.

Im aware that I'm probably looking for answers that don't exist and that's the conclusion I'm getting closer to every day but I figured if there is an answer, someone here might have it.

thanks for your time

Ed

[HamSolo01]

hey there ed

firstly welcome to forums. I been around here for about most of 2017 and it has definitely helped. I was sceptical of it's ability to help me at first but was proven wrong

I am 24 as well and have been depressed for about 5 or 6 years now. Been through the works with meds, psychologists and all that jazz. A brief stint in hospital too.

It sounds like you are at a crossroads? Deciding what to do with yourself is hard. I am there as well atm in fact.

If you hate steel, can you change that into something else? like starting your own business or similiar. I'm unfamiliar with the way in which it works with that industry so I'm afraid I'm not much help on that front. Could you perhaps go into university in something related to steel? Like engineering or something like that?

I didn't know what I wanted to do leaving school and ended up in a commerce degree. Hated it. But I knew that uni was something I wanted to do because I had the mind and ability for it. Now I'm close to graduating and have no clue where to go. Changing to a new course with less idea over career prospects was what I needed back then and although it is tough now, I don't really care. That's the choice I made early on and I'm all the better for it.

My mental health held me back for a good while, but my inner grit got me through to where I am today. I'm not all that good now, but certainly better than where I was. All roads lead forward I guess.

I guess in your case you probably need to figure it out.

What are you doing currently? What interests you? What are your options going forward in regards to study?

As for making friends at uni? It can be very hard if you are more introverted than extroverted (like i am) but i was fortunate enough to make friends through classes, mutual friends and some societies I joined. It's all part of the experience. Plus if you go to uni you will question whether or not you are a freak believe me. There are people like you and then there are true freaks haha - i don't think you are a freak at all just by the sounds of it.

I sympathise with you on that though. I have limited friends too and I think this has probably hurt me more. But that doesn't mean it can change does it?

[HamSolo01]

edit *doesn't mean it CAN'T change does it ?

[Eddie93]

I guess I am at a crossroads, I have a girlfriend and I know she really wants to get married and have kids in the next few years and I feel like I'm really holding her back already but it feels like I'm never going to work again at this rate.

Honestly I can't imagine working and not hating every second of it and I can't even THINK about uni without feeling completely overwhelmed although I'm pretty sure I'm intellectually capable.

I guess my question is how to get to the headspace where I can feel calm and confident about doing something, I don't know if it's possible.

I often feel like driving away in my van and just being alone as I'll no longer be holding people back, I so often feel like a freak because at any social event I just want to sit down and be left alone and just don't 'get' how people just talk.

I'm kind of just going off on random tangents sorry, I guess I'm just looking for some magical wisdom to solve my problems and it's so frustrating someone can't just tell me how to fix everything lol, it just feels so futile sometimes.

thanks for your reply though

[HamSolo01]

are you currently seeing anyone for help?

and your own security and welfare come first before anything else i would say, you are good to no one if you yourself is not in a good space.

but dont get better for other peoples sake, get better because you deserve it

i can relate to the wanting to be calm and confident in order to do something.. i am trying to find work and its hard just looking for stuff because it is a constant reminder of how bad it is for me atm.. but sometimes i just remind myself about what i have been through. This has only come about through therapy. Being able to get to the source of the issue is so important for getting better and getting back on track.

getting to that headspace is VITAL

it takes ages... 5 or 6 years in my case.

i havent had a gf before and it started to bug me.. i got to the heart of it and realised the reason it bugged me is because everyone around me seemed to have one and i felt unloved and missing out. But thats silly t think that way. my self worth isnt conditional on getting girls or something, or having a relationship. I dunno what advice to give you on that topic sorry. But i guess its also a case of pride and self esteem and wanting to respect yourself that comes into it.

What can you see yourself doing?

i thoroughly recommend seeing your gp though, they can point you towards a psych if thats what you need. Suppressing this stuff neve works. Believe me

[Eddie93]

I have seen one a about a year ago probably 4 times over a couple months but found although I like it, I didn't feel like we were getting anywhere haha, it's so frustrating when the times up and it feels like nothing has happened.

[Eddie93]

I think it's great that realising what's bugging you has helped you overcome it but I spend so long analysing how everything effects me that I feel like I know exactly what my problems are and why and that I've already gotten to the heart of it but its doesn't seem to help at all!?

It's excellent your self worth isn't based on getting girls, in this culture it can be so difficult to overcome that mindset especially when many peoples self worth is based on that.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eddie,

It seems to me that you are a little stuck with where you want to go in life and how to get there. Happens to us all at times.

You wrote: "I feel like I know exactly what my problems are and why and that I've already gotten to the heart of it but its doesn't seem to help at all"

Maybe from there you need to write down what you can do about changing that situation.

Check out the courses available at Uni.

Check out groups or clubs that interest you so you can meet new people

Research what jobs are available in your area

Have open conversations with your girlfriend about both of your expectations for the future

Have another try at counselling, continue on your own to research and learn more about what makes you tick and how to motivate yourself.

Set yourself a task or a goal to achieve each week, write down your achievements, be prepared to step outside of the box and away from your comfort zone to start having new and different experiences.

Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut and not know which way to go. Consider your options and work on what is achievable.

Cheers from Dools