I think I make my aniexty worse

[Liam007]

So for the last month or so, I feel like I'm having a lot of social anxiety.Feeling lonely and isolated

I got invited to a party for work (I work as a casual for McDonalds). I originally said I wouldn't go. I felt like going would make me feel terrible as I would be left alone at the party, but then I decided "Why not?" and told them I would come.

Anyway the day of the party arrives, It started at 6:00 and was going to run until 10:00pm, I enter and discover there is not ONE person I know there. So I sat on my own for a while. Soon some people I knew turned and I went and sat them. I didn't make conversation because they were talking with each other I didn't want to interrupt them. Then I just started to feel uncomfortable, this is the first time I have ever been to a party on my own. I just couldn't stop shaking or checking the clock.

By about 7:15 I gave up, I told one of the guys I was leaving and just walked out

I now regret ever going. I wish I didn't change my mind.

I feel like my attempts to "leave the comfort zone" or "take the plunge" are disasters waiting to happen.

Same thing happened when I auditioned for a community play, I made mistakes and felt like I was annoying the entire cast and crew, I then quit the play with 5 days until opening night

Also sharing my creative artworks, one them got gratified. I know feel like I was just want to hide myself from the world out of fear I will embarrass myself or look stupid.

I don't know what to do. I feel like if I try to fix anything by myself...it just goes wrong. I just don't feel like I will ever fit in or belong. I just feel like I'm a weird outcast......

[Liam007]

Hi again Neil, I just had an idea.

I've made my profile picture a photo of the painting just so you can get a preview of what it looks like. I think I got 16 out of 20 for it.

Liam

[Neil_1]

Hi Liam

Man, that's awesome - your profile pic.  And 16 out of 20 is something to be very proud about.

Hey, can you please do me a favour?   You're acting in the school production - but you feel your drama teacher isn't overly happy with you?  Is that right?  You feel like he's annoyed with you.   Can you please find a quiet time, when he's on his own, and could you please approach him and just ask him (all nice and friendly like) how he thinks you're going with your role??  Just like you're asking him for some feedback - as you really are enjoying this and you'd really like to 'nail this part that you've got' and so any feedback that he can give would be fantastic.

Now he may give you some or he may say, no Liam, what you're doing is great.  BUT, if he does say one or two things, do take them on board and perhaps ask him for some assistance.  I'm kind of thinking out loud here but that's just a thought in regard to this drama production.  But above all else Liam, stick with it and see it through.  By you doing that, it's going to be massive boost for you.

Cheers mate

Neil

[Liam007]

Hey Neil.

I'm not sure I can do that. I couldn't do it. and I'm probably worrying for nothing. He has never told me to stay behind to scold me or said I misbehave. He wrote "Liam approaches all class tasks with interest and enthusiasm".  I don't think I could handle it I'm afraid. I've apologized "in case I was being a nuisance" but he just chuckles and says "That's fine". I've had many bad moments in Drama class though. I never mentioned this but I'm a Type 1 Diabetic, I've been so since I was 3 years old. I remember my insulin pump beeped during a performance, the teacher was fine with it but another kid made a explosion noise joking I was a terrorist.

This is off topic, but I feel I should mention it.

I was at work again today. Turns out I got an award for the party for being a "Great Front Counter Worker". Now I think I feel worse about the party. I ran off and I was going to get a little praise. But I can't stand award ceremonies, especially at my school I remember there was one year I got an award. The girl before me got three at once and everyone extended their applause, then I stood up and almost no one applauded. It may sound minor but it was an awful moment.

I have a headspace appointment this Wednesday, will let you know how that goes, but instead of thinking "I'll be getting help real soon" I find myself  saying "Don't screw up the appointment and say the wrong thing" I'm really nervous.

I also have a lot of negative thoughts eg "I'm worthless and serve no purpose"

Sorry to rant, but I feel like I should put as much out there as possible. I want to practice and get what I want to say down perfectly.

Though the community theatre I'm a member of rung me and asked if I wanted to audition for a play they were running. I said yes and audition in 2 weeks

I hope I don't come across as entirely negative. I just want to explain as much as I possibly can per post.

Thanks, Liam

[Neil_1]

Hi Liam

Mate, that's absolutely fine - if you feel like you might not be able to do that, that's cool.  (Do young un's still say cool? - It was big when I was a youngster, all those years ago - said in an old quivering, shakey voice).   By the sound of it though, all things are going pretty well for you there.  The big C word springs to mind that we've got to work on - Confidence.

The award from your work - Way to go Liam - that's awesome.  And even more so for what the award was for - "Great Front Counter Worker" - you're the first person most people see when they enter your work and for that, you have been noticed by other staff as being a warm, approachable, happy and helpful person.  That is a huge accolade - Well Done.

School award ceremonies can be a bit like that - and being honest, the applause before you was probably so loud, that the applause you received, though not as much as the girl before you, would still have been there.  But another positive that you've overlooked - Liam, you were "on stage" receiving your own award.

Ok, so you've got your appointment this coming Wednesday.   I don't know if you've had one of these before (ie:  do you know how they work?).  But what I would do (and I do this a lot anyway) is well prior to the appointment, I get a piece of paper (or a lot of times, I type it up and print it out) and using a list of dot points, I write down the things that I would like to talk about - just short subject headings so as to give you a reminder or prompt when you're there.  Or if you freeze up, you've got your piece of paper to fall back upon to help.

And another audition coming up in a couple of weeks.  Do you get the bits that you need to practice for it beforehand - if so, the sooner you can get that the better, so you can practice and practice, so you really know it well.

Chat soon

Neil

[Liam007]

Neil.

I have no clue if kids if kids still say "cool" haha I'm afraid because of my scenario I don't talk to people much. So I have no idea with what's current or what went out of style.

I went to headspace in 2011 when I was getting bullied...but since the bullying ended in 2012 I can't remember a whole lot.

I think part of the problem with the school assembly was that I was entirely focused on hiding myself, "I don't care about what they think about me, no one cares about what I do! " Was my attitude, then when the applause situation came along it was just a "I knew it" reaction. 2012 was a not a good year,

For the audition, I think they just give me a script on the day and ask me to read a couple of lines.

I want to you know that my parents know all about what's going on, though I feel bad because I said things about myself that should never be said ever. Directly too them as well.

With the Drama teacher and teachers in general. They write good things about me in reports but I feel like they hate me in reality. I even got an "Excellent Personal Profile" award for both my reports this year..but I still feel like I've screwed up.

The kids are hosting a end of party. But there's gonna be alcohol drinking there. I don't want to drink EVER....and I don't to go because I would feel uncomfortable . "Oh come on dude, everyone's gotta go", but I don't want to drink. I feel like this is why I have no friends, I'm just TOO different to fit in.

I almost never see a girlfriend happening as well, I can't see myself having a relationship like that

Will keep posting before and after the appointment, talk soon Liam

[Neil_1]

Hey Liam

I was going to ask you about your parents - do you feel that they are supportive of you??   You mentioned that you may have said some things that may not have been overly good – I hope that from that time, things have moved on a bit and things have been forgotten.  In cases with parents, if they’re of the supportive kind, they’ll take what you said with a grain of salt and go back to being supportive and loving towards you.

I’m also sensing you are quite the actor – with drama involved – I sense this because there’d be no way that a teacher would be inviting someone to audition if they didn’t think they had talent.  But you Liam, I believe you’ve got talent (on stage, with acting) and also with your brilliant abilities with Art.  And if you want me to keep on saying this to you, then just say – because what I’d really like is for you to acknowledge this.

And receiving Awards and good write ups in reports about you – that’s more cases where you are excelling in your particular subjects.  Excelling Liam – that’s brilliant stuff – and no way in the world have you screwed up.  If you had, well they simply wouldn’t be giving you Awards or heaping praise on you in the reports.  Confidence Liam – confidence and I don’t mind continuing to let you know this.

“End of year party” – you’ve been invited to it??   If this is the case, then you’ve said to me before that you never get invited anywhere for school, but you’ve got an upcoming party “Oh come on dude, everyone’s gotta go”.  That sounds like you were invited and then you’ve possibly said, “No, I won’t be able to go”, and then they’ve rallied with the above comment.  That means Liam that they WANT you at the party.

End of Part One.

[Neil_1]

Part Two

I do like your stance on alcohol – very mature and sensible.  You don’t wish to drink – that is totally fine and good on you for saying and doing this.  Remember, no-one can make you drink, despite how much they might protest.  But Liam, just because you’re not going to drink, doesn’t mean that you can’t go – of course you can go.  I’ve got a couple of mates who don’t drink – and yet, they go out quite a lot to places where there is drinking happening and they fit in well.  The other important things to note on this are:  (a) as the party goes on, you’ll get to experience some funny and weird behaviour and all the while, you’ll be in complete control – quite the opposite to a number of others;  and (b) I tell you something, the following day, you’re going to be feeling a whole helluva lot better than any of them.

One last thing to comment on this – I bet you any money in the world, that you won’t be the only one at the party who won’t be drinking.  There’ll be others for sure – yes, they’ll be in the minority, but they’ll be there and they want you to be there – please remember that.

Mate, with girlfriends – man, you’ve got years and years before you need to be concerned about that – plenty of time.  No need to sweat that one – plenty of water to flow under the bridge before you worry more about that side of things.

Cheers

Neil

[Liam007]

In cases with parents, if they’re of the supportive kind, they’ll take what you said with a grain of salt and go back to being supportive and loving towards you.

I never swore or got angry at them, I just called myself worthless and a failure in front of them. I don't think ANY parent would like their child saying that about themselves.

And if you want me to keep on saying this to you, then just say

I really just want to keep a conversation going, if that's alright with you. I'm not expecting fast replies but just having a place where I can be honest about what's going on and have communication with others

That party is a mystery...it sounds like they want me there but then they make fun of me for not wanting to drink and even joking that I should hold the party. It doesn't sound good to me.

I'm almost worried I look unsympathetic in ways. I feel like people I mention it to go "He's just not listening". I am listening, but it's very hard to fight negative self-criticism when you have simply accepted it for this long. I feel like I'm acting strange in front of my teachers, I ask to go to the toilet at least once every lesson. I doesn't matter if I need to go or not, I just walk for 2-3 minutes then come straight back.

keep you posted.

Thanks Neil

Liam C

[Neil_1]

Hi Liam

I’m more than happy to keep the conversation going – all I was getting at there, was to try and do a bit of positive reinforcement to you about your abilities and to try to beef your confidence up a bit more.  No dramas, it’s all good.  🙂

Just with regard to your parents again;   when you said those things about yourself, do you feel that they’ve become supportive of you and are helping?  Or is it that they are sad and perhaps unsure how to provide the appropriate support for you?   That would be good to know cause if they can provide a supportive home role for you, I think that could be something very positive for you.

The other awesome thing about this site, as it largely anonymous and is also monitored – most everyone who comes here can do so in comfort and with the knowledge that they can say whatever they wish too and there’ll be no judgement given – just advice, chats and support.  It’s a brilliant place and I’m pleased you’ve found it.

Liam, that’s just what people (I was going to say kids do) but I used the word people, because even when you get older, if you aren’t going to have a drink, it’s often commented on, “Oh go on, whatya doing?  Have one – it won’t hurt you”.   Things like that.   And you just have to say, “No, I’m fine with not having a drink”  or “No thanks, I don’t want one”.   Simple and after a couple of times, it’ll be all fine – at least it should be.  It’s just a matter of being polite and keeping to your principles.  

Oh and in regard to you hosting the party, just say, “Look, I’m pleased that I’m invited to go and am looking forward to it, but um, no thanks, I won’t be able to host it”.   Something like that, if you really need to support your claim.

Hey, I also like your option for getting out of the room – kind of like to clear your head, is it?

Just out of interest, how many more weeks of school do you have for this year?   You’re Year 11, so you should be finishing up pretty soon, yeah?

Neil

[Liam007]

Hi Neil, I'm glad to hear that 🙂

So I had headspace today and it was okay. We talked about the Christmas party and whether or not my thoughts are accurate. I'll discuss more once I get going.

Arriving at school afterwards was awful, there was a kid who jokes about me being autistic and once told me to "neck myself". I felt uncomfortable most of the day and avoided social contact unless necessary. My Visual Arts teacher is trying to convince me that I have great original ideas that would be good for the HSC. I feel like I can't come up with good original ideas so just draw Marvel Characters like She Hulk, Black Widow and Captain America.  I'm unsure.

I've just started Year 12 and the Year 12 nerves have hit me. I question if the HSC is actually worth it. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen.

I'm glad I found this site to. I think I'm the only person at my school who uses it more than Facebook!

I actually got an invite to that Year 11 party on Facebook....I'm not sure about it. I might have to think.

I do get out of class for 2-3 minutes just to calm down.

I don't want to drink because I'm diabetic (how that's affected me is a story for another time as I would need a separate reply to talk about it.) so it's very unhealthy for and could seriously make me sick.

I'll be back a bit later

Talk soon Neil 😉

Liam