I think I make my aniexty worse

[Liam007]

So for the last month or so, I feel like I'm having a lot of social anxiety.Feeling lonely and isolated

I got invited to a party for work (I work as a casual for McDonalds). I originally said I wouldn't go. I felt like going would make me feel terrible as I would be left alone at the party, but then I decided "Why not?" and told them I would come.

Anyway the day of the party arrives, It started at 6:00 and was going to run until 10:00pm, I enter and discover there is not ONE person I know there. So I sat on my own for a while. Soon some people I knew turned and I went and sat them. I didn't make conversation because they were talking with each other I didn't want to interrupt them. Then I just started to feel uncomfortable, this is the first time I have ever been to a party on my own. I just couldn't stop shaking or checking the clock.

By about 7:15 I gave up, I told one of the guys I was leaving and just walked out

I now regret ever going. I wish I didn't change my mind.

I feel like my attempts to "leave the comfort zone" or "take the plunge" are disasters waiting to happen.

Same thing happened when I auditioned for a community play, I made mistakes and felt like I was annoying the entire cast and crew, I then quit the play with 5 days until opening night

Also sharing my creative artworks, one them got gratified. I know feel like I was just want to hide myself from the world out of fear I will embarrass myself or look stupid.

I don't know what to do. I feel like if I try to fix anything by myself...it just goes wrong. I just don't feel like I will ever fit in or belong. I just feel like I'm a weird outcast......

[Neil_1]

Hi there Liam

Mate, you’re not on your own with these thoughts – especially about the party.  But can I just say to you, “damn well done” on actually changing your mind and giving it a crack.  You had the guts to change your mind and go along and try it.  And even more so, when you got there and found no-one you knew – that would have been hellishly traumatic, and I’ve been in similar situations before, and I just turn on my heels and get the hell out of there.

But you persevered and stayed – took up a possie and waited till some people you knew turned up.

I gotta say that all that you did was first class.   From changing your mind and going, to hanging in there when the people you knew weren’t there yet and for giving the whole thing a real good go.  So what if you left early – you should be heaps proud of yourself for doing all that you did.   A weird outcast – I don’t think so.  Definitely not.

I think you’d also be surprised to find out how many people in the situation that you were in, would have been feeling major anxiety and awkwardness.  You are not on your own with these kinds of feelings.

So please, don’t beat yourself up about this – don’t regret that you went along – but feel GOOD inside that you did give it a go and a damn good go at that.

Kind regards

Neil

[Liam007]

Hi Neil, thanks for the reply.

I appreciate the giving it a good thought but I just worry that I may have blown my only chance to socialize. The kids at my school never have and most likely never want me at their parties. I feel like I don't get invite because I'm a hated person.

I kinda left in a flash as well, I just said "I'm feeling sick, I might leave" and then I was gone!

But thank you for your kind words

Liam

[Neil_1]

Hi Liam

I still reckon what you did the other day with going to that party was a monumental effort – considering with how you’re feeling internally about everything, yet you pushed your boundaries and went.  So I stand up and say, “Well done” to you.  To me, it means nothing that you left early. 

Hey dude, at least you came up with a reason for why you were leaving early, and one that sounds absolutely fine, “I’m feeling sick, I might leave”.  Not too many people will say, “Oh come on, stay a while, you’ll get better”.   I also said at least you came up with a reason – cause at times in the past, I’ve just slid out at an opportune time and voila, I’m gone and I instantly feel better – rude I guess, cause I should have at least said something.

Liam, I haven’t come across many of your other posts, so I’m a bit out of the loop with regard to a lot of your background, but may I ask what Year are you in at school?   Only ask that to see how much longer you’ve got to go at school?

Another thing you can be damn proud about is that you are holding down a part-time job – any kind of job is an achievement and it does speak volumes that you are an intelligent young man, who is able to mix in public and to be mature enough to take on the responsibility of having a job.  On top of that, you obviously do get along with your other work-mates, as you were invited to that party.

At this stage, I say, “Just keep on doing what you’re doing and hang in there”.  You’re just starting out in this life, this world and you’ve got so much in front of you – and you know you’ve been doing it tough of late, but you’re getting through it.

Keep staying here and writing as well – you know you’ve got so much support behind you on this site.

Neil

[Liam007]

Hi Neil

I've just started Year 12 and this time next year I will be finished, and I as I mentioned in the other posts (I'll just sum them up for you here).

I'll just sum up my background for you here, just so you don't have to worry about finding the other threads

I wasn't the nicest guy in 2011 (Year 8), I responded really angrily to bullying.

In 2012, I decided to sit in the corner and stay silent. I loved creative arts but would refuse to display them. Our school was celebrating its centenary , I had made a comic illustration in class, they said they liked it and wanted to display it at the centenary. I refused and wouldn't let them display it. Fearing I would get ridiculed by other students. I wasn't doing it to be a jerk, I was just extremely fearful.

Same for 2013, but in 2014 I wanted to be more confident and less fearful of others opinions, but after a while I started to sense that people still hated me or didn't want to know me. Which led to me feeling lonely and like and outcast and this party came along....

I hope that summed everything, if there is anything else you want to ask please do. I     

Liam

[Neil_1]

1.      Hey Liam

Thanx mate for giving me a rundown of things.  I hope that the bullying stopped for you at that time and that you’re no longer suffering from that.  It’s one of my most hated things in life – and I rarely use that word (the “h” word), but for bullying, it’s just the worst.

I can understand you being fearful about having your piece displayed, but for it to be put up for display, you must have received some pretty positive feedback from your teachers??

Liam, with something like this creative arts that you’ve obviously got a talent for;  and above that, a passion for – please please stick with it.  It’s very important when you find something that you’re good at AND enjoy to keep that fire burning.  The better you get at it, will also hopefully develop your own confidence with it and feel better in yourself about maybe putting pieces that you have completed on some sort of display.   Try to get feedback from your teachers on this kind of thing – I’m sure they’ll be very warm and enthusiastic with their comments back to you.

This may have been asked already – but there must be at least one or two other kids in your age group or Year that you are able to talk with/to??   Even if it’s someone in your Art class?   That’s always a good place to start – to find ‘like-minded’ people, with the same interests – and to just be able to talk to them about what piece, you or they are working on?

Hope to chat again

Neil

[Liam007]

Hi Neil 🙂 I really appreciate you writing to me. Thank you.

About the bullying, I get smart-allelic comments at times. But no aggressive bullying eg hitting, slapped, violent threats. I'm really now having trouble at school because I feel lonely and don't know my place.

With the creative arts,

Some have been laughed at, I drew a portrait of Scarlett Johansson because we had to do a portrait of someone who inspires us. I chose her because she said "Courage is the most important thing an actor can have" I want to be an actor so I took a lot of inspiration from that but the other kids just laughed and said "You only like her cause she's hot!" I also did comic art of the Black Widow from Avengers to go along with it. So as a result there isn't really someone I can talk to in my visual arts class plus we have different interests, they Anime and Pokemon. I like Marvel, 80s movies and Aliens (1986). The rest of my year group is similar, I try to start conversations but I feel like they are just pretending enjoy it, they sometimes just reply with "Yeah" and go back to the other person.

The teachers= Some say that I'm enthusiastic and really could thrive in the creative industries (I want to be an actor, cameraman or action figure designer). I find myself puzzled thinking "When did I show enthusiasm?" I'm not sure if I ask that so don't feel I'm getting in over my head or if it's because I'm having self-doubts.

Another story from 2013, It may seem old but I feel it's important. I was invited by the school to do a "Self-esteem workshop" because of the bullying. I said "That's okay, I'll pass. I feel like I have really improved since 2011". Looking back, I feel like I couldn't have been more wrong. I have come no where since I started. I was nobody back then and I'm still feel like a nobody now.

My Visual Arts teacher seems to have some faith in me. The school asked us to pick teachers that we would like to be our mentors. I chose him and he said was willing to be my mentor for next year (Year 12).

I still draw and try do clay sculpts whenever I get the chance, so don't worry. I have stuck with it.

Thanks again, I like chatting with you Neil 🙂

Talk again soon

[Liam007]

Hi again Neil, I had some more stuff I wanted to say but ran out of words and forgot, this is a follow up to my last reply

 So I'm actually doing Visual Arts and Drama for my HSC next year. For Drama I have to make a six minute film, I wanted to make a film instead of doing a monologue. I'm not looking forward to this at the moment unfortunately. Drama is my least favourite subject now, I used to love it but not anymore. I feel inadequate compared to my peers, they really get along with the teacher and often help him out with the school production. I kept expressing my desire to help them over and over and felt like I was getting turned down so much I felt like I wasn't wanted or he was sick of me. He gave me good reports and I'm actually acting in the school production but I still feel like he is annoyed by me and doesn't like me that much. 

As for Visual Arts, I don't know what to do. I can't think of any original ideas, all I can do is draw or sculpt a movie monster or superhero. Plus now the idea of idea of the public seeing stuff I made scares me. 

I almost feel like these aren't the subjects to do with low self esteem issues, I love the creative world and feel like I just can't quit but at the same time I fear it's doing damage. 

I was never a math whiz, hated sport because I was slow and don't enjoy construction and tech classes. I also don't like working with computers so there is not a lot of options for me. Drawing, sculpting and performing are the only things I love to do. 

I hope that explained a bit, again I'm always willing to answer questions about this, it helps writing about it. Plus it helps me if I forget something.

I like talking with you Neil 🙂

Liam

[Neil_1]

Hey Liam

This is awesome - and thank you so much for continuing to share your experiences with me (and others on here) - I have to say, I'm really enjoying all that you've got to say.  And now I've got so much to remark back as well - I hope I don't run out of characters - here we go.

First, that is so awesome that you've been able to speak with your Visual Arts teacher about the mentor role for next year.  I don't know you overly well at all, but I think for you to even do that - to ask him - would have taken a bit of effort for you.  And if so, you should be damn well very proud of yourself for getting the courage to ask him.  That is awesome.  I think this could be a huge positive for you for, say, the rest of this year, but definitely next year.

Am also very pleased to hear that you're continuing to follow with this passion.  I think I said before, it awesome to find a passion (and to be good at something) - as the two don't necessarily go hand in hand;  and then to be able to continue on with it.  Brilliant stuff.

I love the thoughts you have for your future - your hopes and plans - for so many young adults in their last years of school, they possibly don't have too many plans for what they want to do after school;  so it's great that you've got these goals in place.  Also, don't let anyone sway you off that path.

That story about Scarlett Johannson that you shared - you know, out of that, that showed a tremendous amount of maturity that you have.  Ok, yes she is pretty tidy and easy on the eye - BUT you chose her because of an inspirational quote that she said.  That really spoke to me that you a mature young person and someone who can appreciate how hard it can be to be a certain person (ie:  becoming an actor/actress).  The fact that others laughed at you should actually give you an inner sense of satisfaction (and you don't ever need to tell anyone that back to them), but something to just know on your inside.  The reasons that you chose that person were for far more 'real life' reasons than just something so superficial.  Well done you.  🙂

One last thing I'd like to touch on - with regard to, perhaps the rest of this year, but definitely for next year - is it possible to have a good chat with your Visual Arts teacher, with regard to your 'solo situation' at school.  I know it must be difficult for you - and I just wonder whether this teacher could offer some advice for you on this matter.

Chat again soon

Neil

[Liam007]

Hey Neil, All I have told my Visual Arts teacher is that I'm having 'Self-Esteem" trouble. I haven't had a chance to say too much as of it, but he knows that I'm not feeling too good at the moment. Also I can remember him talking at the end of a semester where he told me "You should stick with the course, Your work is really improving"

I agree with what you said about Scarlett (It's actually her birthday today!). I still have the painting. I'm considering hanging it up on my wall...cause why not? 🙂 Some of the students didn't do a portrait at all, so I feel comfortable knowing I at least did one and the actual quote that she said was:

"When I was a child, I auditioned fearlessly and had a lot of courage, and the fact that I am here today is probably testament to my 20 years of courage back then. I think in the film industry, you have to have that courage."

I wrote another reply but it might be a bit delayed, in it I describe a bit more about what's bothering me in Drama and and just my whole hobbies in general. If it doesn't pop up I'll try again. (Just so it doesn't get mistake for a reply to your latest thread).

Talk later, Liam 🙂