I hate my "friends" at school

[MysteryManGuy]

Today I cried like hell. Multiple times.

I'm the "extra" of my friend group. I'm the one that's not very close with anyone and that's just there. My friends leave me out of everything. Nothing I do is worthwhile to them. I'm essentially just a downer to them.

Today, at some point during the final session of the school day, my teacher made the stupid decision to have our class outside, since I had hayfever I had to stay inside. My best friend promised he would be there with me. He wasn't. He then said he would talk to me nearby. He obviously didn't. I was so upset I couldn't even muster the motivation to work. I cried, but thankfully nobody noticed.

Yesterday, we had sport. Our teacher is ignorant of groups and told us to form our own. Sadly, I'm the worst in sport and I'm not usually chosen, but even so, my class can be compassionate about it. My friend group formed a team with everyone but me. At this point I had enough of their shit and held strong resentment for them.

I know these examples may seem pretty normal, but they are totally not just forgetting me. They do stuff like play games together and go out outside of school without me and openly talk to me about it. All I do is just pretend I'm okay with it. My best friend tells me not to get Discord where they all hang out. They also leave me behind in group work, recess and such.

My best friend has started to avoid me. At one point we grew apart because he hung out with a girl in the group and left me behind. He stopped talking to everyone at one point, then talked to me, like some form of replacement, and now things are back to normal for them. The girl was also a close friend of mine too, then we grew apart, and then we were getting close again, but it seems she's actively avoiding me now.

I decided to take a day off tomorrow because I felt so shitty. I needed the time for myself to be away from all the trouble, but I still can't feel any desire to go back to that. I can't see any spark in any of those "friendships" but I can't even make new friends or leave behind these guys. I have no fucking idea what to do. I'm tired of caring for these people. I'm tired of enduring their constant shit. I'm tired of trying to get close to them. It has had almost no value to me and yet I can't get rid of it or change it. It feels like my fault, and I tried to back out from being annoying, etc. but what's even the point? How does one even approach something like this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know.

[smallwolf]

How does it feel not be able to use messaging apps?

School can be best of time and worst of times.

There are a couple of people I know who would be similar positions to you and it sucks! Sorta feel left out. And while there might be the positives in not having messaging apps, that does not really matter when everyone else uses them. People can also be excluded through these tools as well 😞

Tell me what sort of things you like to do?

(There can be way of finding friends... finding people with similar interests) When I was in school I like computers. This was back in the 1980s. Call me a nerd. Joined a computer club.

If you want to chat more about this...

[MysteryManGuy]

Hello, smallwolf. Thank you for your reply

Not having messaging apps sucks at times, but it doesn't feel completely awful, as I don't really need it. I still contact occasionally via e-mail. I have been excluded by my friends online too, mainly from online learning, thanks to MS Teams' chat feature. That alone felt horrible.

I also like computers too. I like to draw, watch anime, write, and I used to code, but I want to get back on it.

[smallwolf]

Do your friends at school have similar likes to you... drawing and writing etc. That sucks you are being excluded from the group chats. Can you still ask them questions?

Programming can be good to. What language(s) did you write using?

[Earth Girl]

I'm sorry you're struggling at school with your friends. I kind of know how you feel. I was the "extra" in all of my friend groups and I always got chosen last in P.E. If you think you are unable to make friends at the school you are in and you feel really left out and hurt by your friends at school, maybe you could move to a different school and start fresh. It should be exciting for the people at your new school because you would be a newbie and maybe before you start at that school, you could ask the principle if they could organise a buddy for you to show you around the school and make you feel welcome plus you might be able to make friends with this person. If you are unable to change schools, you could also join a group outside of school. I know you'll still be lonely at school unfortunately, but at least you might be able to make friends with people there or at least have some fun. And remember, just because you have trouble making friends, it doesn't make you any less than anyone else. People who have trouble making friends are usually either really shy and/or "different", but not in a bad way. Everyone is different. If people aren't nice to you just because you are "different' then those people don't matter.

[MysteryManGuy]

Sorry for the very late reply.

Yeah, we usually have things in common. We all pretty much like video games. Some of us like anime. Though, things like drawing and writing is really something I only share with myself. I also can't relate to some things they talk about like music, etc. In general, I don't really get what they talk about. Even when it's about things like video games, it always involves stuff I am not part of, mainly since they are in such close contact with each other. The only person I can really talk to is my best friend, as well as this other person, except they aren't usually active, as everybody uses Discord.
I'm worried about that lately, as this week I have to go on some 3 day camp with them all, but I'm completely am not looking forward to it, as I've been to one last year, and it's absolutely awful, particularly because of them all.

Currently for a class I'm learning Python. I have once used it before but I pretty much forgot everything. I also used to know a bit of HTML too, and for myself I've been wanting to learn it again. I also have interest in C#.

[MysteryManGuy]

Hi, Earth Girl. Thanks for your reply.

Sadly I cannot move schools, there's not really any other safe option for me to, academically-wise, nor is it possible for me personally. I do want to join a group outside of school, but I don't know where, how and if I can do it. Also I'm not really able to socialise well with unfamiliar people, so it's challenging for me, but this seems like a good idea, and thank you for that.

The people I know can seem so bothered by me, so it seems I'm the problem to everyone. But other times, they just ignore me without any temper. I'm not sure. It's not making sense for me.

[MysteryManGuy]

I seriously hit rock bottom

Last week, I came from a camp with them all, which was as bad as I expected. Essentially 48+ hours with them instead of 6 at once. Even so, I thought things would get better, since there were some good things coming out of it, but I still had plenty of their crap to deal with. Afterwards, they continued their usual shtick of being jerks. Nothing has changed for the better. I heard them literally make plans right in front of me while I was excluded. They always do this. All I ever do now is just cry to myself and it sucks. Nobody cares. I can't take anymore of this. All they ever do is treat me bad, and even when I confront them about it, nothing changes. I'm tired of all this. I'm so done with this.

[Sophie_M]

Dear MysteryManGuy,

In our experience, life can become quite upsetting and frustrating when people we thought were our friends don't act like friends. We get stuck and angry because we want to fit in and belong to a group of friends. The rejection can really hurt.

One thing we know is, though it seems and feels quite scary at the time, we can start working on finding new friends. The benefit to finding new friends is that we then no longer need the good regard of the former friends, and their rejection will not bother us so much.

So, the question then becomes, "How do we go about finding new friends?"

We will start this discussion with the thought, A good way to find friends is through shared interests. Joining clubs that are focused on an interest, such as mountain biking, chess, or drauma, is a good way to come in contact with other people who enjoy those activities.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[That Other Guy]

I can see you already have a lot of advice. Let me add one thing. I am 53. When my kids started high school I gave them this advice

Old people will tell you these are the best years of your life. They are just jealous because your knees still work. High school was the WORST time in my life. Instead of being around people you have things in common with, you're with every clown who happens to share your post code. Some kids get through this easily and some do not but I PROMISE after school you will find a career where you work with similar minded people, you will meet people who will be your friends and life only gets BETTER after this.

[smallwolf]

both python and c# are good languages to learn.

Sophie_M also suggested in finding friends about people with like interests. Perhaps you might be able to find local computer groups or similar in school?

Back on programming... what sort of things are you interested in developing?