Struggling to cope with a culmination of physical and mental health issues

[Leyley29]

Hi there, a bit about my self. I am 22 years old and have a beautiful parter and a perfect 8 month old baby boy who light up my world like nothing else. I would quite literally be nothing without either of them.

I have struggled with mental health issues for nearly half my life now with the earliest bout of depression starting at only 12 years old. For a couple of months I could not even get in the car to go to school and felt crippled emotionally to the point of uncontrollable crying with absolutely no idea why.

Life was getting better again until I started high school. Long story short I found it very hard to fit in to the groups of friends that had all separated when primary school ended. I ended up trying incredibly hard to fit in with people who physically and mentally tormented me almost every day. From the start of the day being refused handshakes from my so called mates, continuously making jokes about me to having my bag stolen and ransacked and thrown onto school buildings and getting physically tormented all in the name of fun and banter. I have been through all the bullying.

I then experimented with marijuana in an attempt to fit in with the crowd which resulted in a massive flip out of which I suffered with DP/DR for quite a number of years from a bad reaction to smoking bud.

My senior years of high school got better, a lot of the people contributing to the bullying had now left and I had a pretty tight circle of mates who would all do anything for each other and we all shared some pretty fun times.

Leaving school I persued an apprenticeship FIFO which I followed through to the end and this pushed me both mentally and physically to the point of break down many times.

I am currently struggling with my current role as a tradesman taking on an incredibly high workload for not a lot of money since I have decided to come back home and work to support the family. This has pushed me to the point of resignation.

I am in an incredibly bad state of mind at the moment and cannot cope with even basic tasks and feel sleep deprived with little to no energy every single day. This has been like this since leaving high school and starting full time work feeling completely burnt out 24/7. I am as far from suicidal as it gets quite the opposite I have an extreme fear of death and leaving my loved ones behind with a stressful financial situation that they could not possibly bear alone. TIA

[Sophie_M]

Dear Leyley29,

Thank you for joining our community and for bravery you have shown in publishing this post. It is very raw and honest, and I am sure many of your peers here in the forums will want to reach out in support. 
The impact of bullying, social dislocation and THC use in our teens is very real and quite well know now. It is not a sign of weakness to have to continue to battle it. In fact it is quite the opposite - you should have great pride and self-thanks for the effort and resilience you have shown for so long! It is also definitely not anything to be ashamed of to give up a highly stressful position to be closer to home and your child during a very special moment of life that you may never see again if not now. 

Can I ask if you have any specific supports at the moment? A psychologist or psychiatrist at all? If not please consider finding supports that are close to you. The WayAhead Directory might be a great start, which you can find here: This will allow you to find supports in your immediate area. Please remember as well that you can reach out to us as well at any time - please call us on 1300 22 4636 or please click here to begin a webchat with out team

It is good to hear that you are not feeling suicidal, LeyLey, but we can hear it is still difficult at the moment - please do not hesitate to reach out!

Regards,

Sophie M.

[Petal22]

Hi Leyley29,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

You sound very resilient for someone who has had alot to deal with in the past and present.

Can I ask if you have ever seeked professional help for what you are going through in your past and present?

Mental health conditions can be extremely hard to deal with especially if they are left untreated.

I understand you are finding it hard to do every day tasks at the moment and your feeling tired.

In my lived experience of a mental health condition I struggled also to do every day tasks it was very difficult.

I seeked professional help and I’ve now made a full recovery and I’m living my best life after the professional help I received.

I highly recommend you speak to your gp and do a mental health plan together.

Ask if you can be referred to a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist these doctors can diagnose ensure the psychologist is clinical.

You really can get better from what you are going through.

Please keep in touch.

[Leyley29]

Hi there, thanks for the reply.

Short answer is no not at the moment. I have on and off been in a fairly bad way for a long time now and I have been to multiple counsellors/psychs in the past. I haven’t had very much luck in these people helping me finding solutions to my problems, instead I find they only really just listen and boot me out when the hour is over. I have made attempts to book in recently to no avail.

My biggest issues in the present are my job and financial situation, I felt trapped but have made the decision to move on in an attempt to find something a bit less mentally straining as I am not built to cope with doing multiple peoples jobs and continuously organising everything to do my job.

I have also have struggled since I was 15 with bad GERD which I have now found to be caused by a hiatus hernia. I am waiting for surgery now to rectify this I know that my stomach is my second brain and the constant pain from reflux can’t be doing my mental health any good

I have always been an over thinker and have suffered terribly with anxiety and snowballing thoughts since before I can remember. My Asperger’s syndrome also plays a part in this too I believe.

I guess I’m just curious as to whether or not something could be that physically wrong with me to cause me to feel so drained every single day and feel like I could sleep for 14 hours straight and still wake up tired and go to bed again and then wake up not feeling refreshed once again, or whether I am in fact depressed which was diagnosed by my GP. I feel horrible 24/7 and this is affecting my productivity at home with tasks that need to be done but I actually get anxious thinking about all of the stuff needing to be done.

The best way I can describe it is I almost feel hungover 24/7

My partner is very supportive of me and I’m forever appreciative of all the love she has for me. She loves me with all of my imperfections and I just feel like she doesn’t deserve this emotional wreck of a partner. I put a lot on her and she really deserves better than that especially as she is an awesome mum to our son

I am also a smoker who has tried to give up on multiple occasions but I feel I cannot do this either, it kills me to realise that something so stupid has actually taken over my life and made me dependent on it.

I have had blood tests etc and everything always comes back normal so I’m pretty stuck as to what’s wrong with me

My partner and my son truly deserve a-lot better. Cheers

[geoff]

Hello Leyley, having a mental illness from a young age is always and deinitely so sad, and I can relate to this in every way possible, but when you are only 12 years old, you wonder what the future will behold, simply because you could be too frightened to even mention it to a parent, sibling or even a teacher, in fear of them not believing a word you really want to tell them.

Getting married and having a baby, you believe this to be the answer that will solve your problems and yes, it is beautiful, but it still may not be enough, unfortunately, because all these thoughts can be buried in trying your hardest to forget all of this, but trigger points appear that begin to raise how you are feeling once again.

There are a couple of options to help you get back to your loving family and one is you can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 (5-25 yrs) by phone, web chat or online who are trained counsellors and a person will be assigned to you to help you through this.

We really hope you can keep in touch with us.

Take are.

Geoff.