I feel ugly

Idek · ‎23-11-2016

I don't really know exactly what to say but that I really feel extremely unattractive. I know this sounds dumb, but lately I've been feeling down and just before I decided to write this thread, I got this very familiar feeling of worthlessness. Just for some reason I just began feeling really ugly, I kept on focusing on all my flaws and lately I've just been hating the way I look lately. I look around at the people around me and everyone looks normal, then there's me. I just hate how insecure I am and I hate thinking I'm ugly. But at the same time, I just can't help it.

D84 · ‎23-11-2016

Hey Idek.

I know how you feel, I have spent a long time feeling similar and it's a very common feeling, especially among young people. For me it took a while to accept who I was and my appearance but I found what helped a little for me was occasionally taking photos of my face with my phone to become familiar with my appearance. It's fast, easy and you can delete them straight afterwards.

geoff · ‎23-11-2016

hello Idek, I felt as though I needed to reply back to you, because everyone has their beauty and there is always someone out there that falls in love with you, no matter how you feel, or how you think you look like, whether it's because you have a cute nose, eyes that lock people in or whether it's the way you have your hair done, it doesn't matter at all and can I mention this old saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.
When someone is depressed then everything they feel about themselves is wrong, whether it's because they can't hold down a job, lost a partner or can't even focus on getting any better, so you punish yourself by saying that you're ugly, but remember in depression how often do we have a shower or change our clothes that we sleep in, rarely, so you're not giving yourself enough credit.
Everyone has their own way of refreshing themselves and once that happens then you may change your mind.
Let me put you in a situation where you are going out for the evening, you come home exhausted and don't really feel like going out, look in the mirror and what do you see, someone worn out, looking tired but then you have a shower, refresh yourself up and then put on your evening wear, perhaps some make-up, and whow, a totally different person.
You could still do this even if you're not going out, but can I suggest that you go and see your doctor, they may give you something to brighten up your day, could you do this for me. Geoff. x

Zeal · ‎23-11-2016

Hi Idek,

Welcome to the forum!

Being unhappy with your appearance can definitely lower confidence and self-worth, as you've found. It's a shame, as no one deserves to feel bad because of their external appearance. What you've posted doesn't sound dumb at all by the way. It's a genuine issue that can really eat away at your self-esteem. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you felt this way for? I'm a 23 year old female, and I had insecurities about both my appearance and my personality. I was very shy. While this isn't the same as your situation (everyone is unique of course), I just wanted to share a bit about me. It helps to have context online sometimes 🙂

A good task is to write a list of things you like about yourself. These could be aspects of your personality (e.g. having a good sense of humour, being kind/thoughtful), physical appearance (even if it's just one small aspect, such as liking your hair or eye colour), actions (e.g. doing good deeds) and so on. If you can recall compliments people have given you, no matter what they are, write them down too. If you struggle with this, maybe you could ask someone close to you as well. Doing this can help to remind you of your positive traits.
Ultimately, self-acceptance is essential. Talk to someone close to you that you trust, as this may help on an emotional level.

Here is a resource on self-esteem that you may find useful:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

If this feeling of worthlessness has been persistent for more than a few months, seeing a doctor (GP) is a good idea.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

romantic_thi3f · ‎24-11-2016

Hi Idek,

Thanks for posting and sharing what's been going for you.

Feeling ugly doesn't sound dumb at all - in fact it's actually incredibly common and I see it a lot in these forums.

I think being uncomfortable with our experience is something that happens to all of us at times; I don't think we ever wake up feeling beautiful or handsome (or even just okay sometimes), but instead it's something we have to find and see in ourselves - and that takes work - a lot of work to accept ourselves as we are and be okay with it.

You said in your post that everyone looks normal except you; what makes you think everyone else doesn't find themselves ugly either? People are excellent at hiding how they feel about themselves. Even people I know who are physically deformed who attract attention (verbal abuse at their appearance because they look different) but they too have had to learn to accept their bodies and make peace with it.

You are already worthy. Your appearance doesn't change that one bit.

MarkJT · ‎26-11-2016

Idek, welcome to the forums and reaching out. Takes a lot of courage to post what you did and that i awesome.

When I was younger I developed little bumps on my arms, I have about 10 of them. Got them checked out and they are calcium build ups and there is no known reason why they formed, they just did. They are noticeable and I was really self conscious about them. I also have a set of "chicken legs" and was so self conscious of them, I never once wore shorts to school. Even on the hottest of days, i would wear pants.

Because of the bumps and chicken legs, I was not who i wanted to be. They impacted greatly on my psych. I am not going to patronise you and say that I have walked in your shoes, but I want you to know that you are not ugly. I think you will find that every person on the planet is not happy with one thing or another with their own looks.

It certainly sounds like depression may have settled in so it would be really good to get to your GP and talk it out. There is a big chance that if you do have depression, once that is looked after and you are controlling it, then you are going to be much more loving of the person who looks at you in the mirror.

On a bright note, my nephew when he was younger developed a bump on his arm and it was also a calcium build up. He was so self conscious of it but when i showed him that i had a heap of them, he was okay with it. Even our flaws can have beneficial outcomes and for the vast majority of time, i now wear shorts and gladly let my chicken legs and knobbly knees out in the air, why? because that is me, this is the way i was built. Since I have been able to control my anxiety and depression, I have noticed that i am so much more comfortable with who i am.

Remember, the GP is there to help you so get along and have a chat. Please keep posting so we can see how you are going and to help guide you through this journey that you are on.

Much respect.

Mark.

SubduedBlues · ‎26-11-2016

Hi Zeal

I thought I'd try your advice and write a list. This is what I have thus far:
1> I'm alive.
2> I'm still here for my children
3> I'm artistic
4>

I kept stopping and thinking that's all there is, and then a few minutes later something else pops into my mind. It's not anything directly about me, it's really about what I do for others that I like.

This was a good post, well done, it has really helped me feel better about me. Thank you.

Idek, I suspect it'll work for you too... have a go.

SB

PS: Maybe one day I will win Lotto and be able to replace all the mirrors that break when I look into them.

Zeal · ‎27-11-2016

Hi SB,

I am so glad this strategy was useful for you. I appreciate you telling us how it helped you - getting feedback like this is lovely. I don't do this very often, but the few times I have done so, I've found that the list makes me feel better about who I am and what I have to offer others.

Best wishes,

Zeal

PepperBB · ‎24-11-2022

Hi Idek,

I feel ugly too. Everyday. Every photo. Every exposure to a mirror or a window. I'm nearly 50 and I have felt this way since age 9. I've watched other more beautifull women get seats on buses, get let in queues before me, get served first in bars, get more attention from others and even more leadership opportunities. Appearance is a currency like money in our society. It gets you places. And I think that is what upsets people the most...worry that other people have advantages because of an appearance they cant ever achieve.

I dont have the answers to this. But I feel there is no point making up a bunch of lies to console yourself.

But I have to tell you this...

As I have gotten older my idea of what is beautiful has changed over time. I am finding people that would normally be considered ugly in our society, extremely beautful. Fat people, gummy people, wrinkly people, people with moles, patchy skin, wispy floaty grey hair, hunched up and hobbling....they probably have no idea I feel this way. I feel they are as beautiful as nature or the stars. Simply glorious.

So I say to you this...if society's ideas about beauty dont work for you...look elsewhere and you will find a cloud has lifted. Society's beauty is slavery...true beauty is pure joy.

Croix · ‎26-11-2022

Dear PepperBB~

I liked your post, particularly the idea of beauty as currency in our society. You are right of course, good looks do buy privilege, though I'd have to question what it is it buys. Places in queues fine, leadership, well once attained that depends on the other kind of beauty to make it stick.

They say 'beauty is skin deep', and I don't think that 's true, one kind -the starlet kind - certainly is, but the other kind is inside.

I had a most excellent friend for many years, and nobody even in their kindest moments would say this person was in any way attractive on the outside, however it was not long before I never 'saw' the outside at all. There was empathy, kindness, intelligence, whit and humor, and great courage. The ability to look after others well and effectively. Fun to be with.

These are not superficial traits.

It's one of the nice things about this place, nobody is put off by looks and can 'see' a person though what they write, which is a truer reflection on their inner selves.

Croix