I am an idiot with psychosis.

[Roses_191]

I really hate that im brain dead, today I tried to take my mum to a class and I got in the buss as usual but then I had to go to a stop that I didnt know and when i put the gps to get there i couldnt understand it and we ended up going home and my mum is so mad and said me and dad are brain dead and im so fed up with my life im always in problems alot probably more than everyone else i even have psychosis so this bloody life is just unfair I have to endure all these problems and I really cant be alone, i have no smartness to be independant whats so so ever and no street smartness I am clumsy i trip all the time, and Im too quiet according to everyone, and family say im demonically posssed and i struggle to retain information even in conversations so im stuffed.

[Roses_191]

Hi im reposting this again as i posted this situarion and it got moved to a discussion that has nothing to do with this.

At school today, my last name got called out by male teacher that usually helps me with math work, and I told him that my last name is pronounced in a certain way and he said "DONT ARGUE WITH ME!" 😡 He was really mad and I went into shock and then he asked me, "what subjects are you doing" I told him the subjects and then I said, "I wasn't trying to argue with you I was just telling you how to pronounce my last name" He replied with "I know you werent trying to" Then when he left I saw a lady come in and I told her that im going to have to make a complant and was struggling to tell her the situation as I was crying and it impacted my ability to talk. Then this lady took me to this lady that works with teenagers and I told her and I told her once I had calmed down. Then they said that I can talk to the head of the campus and I ended up calling her and we spoke on the phone. Who else can I tell this to, and what do you guys think of this? I will ring the department of education to make a complaint. Thankyou for reading 😊

[Roses_191]

Im just too idiotic with psychosis i hate it, i get called an idiot all the time and i keep making dumb mistakes, i get told im good for nothing and i feel like my efforts for study are never good enough and mum says that because i waged school god is taking away my eductation. Theres hope for change but having a disbility makes it harder to think, concentrate and be smart. I believe God will heal me but i still am too sick, i had to get antibiotics for my mum but i ended up getting something else at the chemist that my mum needed and when i came back mum told me that the antibiotics is what she really needed but because im dumb i didnt read the bar codes i just showed one of them thinking that was all i needed. Apparently instructions were given but i dont recall that happening. I've been called a retard, i am not employable and am likely getting kicked out of grade 12 but i am not sure yet. My history with education from the past makes me feel very sad about my myself, but ive been doing well as of now but because i waged school now theres proof that im lazy and am a very bad kid. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Roses_191

I’m sorry that you were upset by your teacher’s reaction to you pointing out that he mispronounced your last name.

I agree it’s not good for a teacher to become so angry over such a comment.

But regarding complaining to the  department of education, my advice would be to consider why you want to do this. What outcome are you looking for as a result?

If you are seeking an apology or explanation, the head of campus or school counsellor could mediate a discussion between the teacher and yourself. This could help you to feel more comfortable next time you’re in class.
If you are seeking something more—for example, disciplinary action to be taken against the teacher—you’ve already spoken to his “boss”, being the head of campus. Did she give you any indication of any action she could take as a result of your concern?

If you want to change classes, again the head of campus is your go to.

Kind thoughts to you 

[Earth Girl]

Hi Roses_191,

I've been in a situation a bit similar. I had psychosis when I was in college and I made so many mistakes then. Even in my 20's, I made many mistakes and I'll of course still make mistakes in the future since I'm human, but I think I've finally gotten a lot better when it comes to making choices. It's common to do things you regret when you're in your teens, especially if you have something like psychosis. I also have a disability that makes it hard for me to do those things and it's also making it hard for me to get a job-job. I only have a semi-job. 

A lot of people waged in school, both in high school and college and they still were able to get jobs when they finished school so I wouldn't worry too much about that. It may not be the best idea to wag school, but it's actually not going to affect you much in the future. It's best not to do it/try to stop doing it though because you're missing out on things that school provides like education and some people who wag too often sometimes end up having to repeat a year. Even students who got suspended and/or expelled at the schools I went to were able to get jobs. 

It's still possible to learn outside of school by looking through books or even looking through google or YouTube on how to do things. Even if they aren't the exact same things as the things you learn in school, it's still learning. 

Waging school doesn't make you bad. It's better to wag school than to be mean to other students. I didn't wag school, but I said some really mean things about other students which hurt their feelings. I regret it a lot now. Waging could be considered a bit "naughty" or "silly", but it definitely doesn't make you bad. Besides, even older people do much worse things than that. 

I know school is boring, but if you stop waging, you'll be less likely to be taken out of school. If you do end up being removed from school, you can still get jobs without a certificate, it's just better to have one, that's all. 

I get called dumb, useless and the r word too, but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. 

It's still early in the year so there's still plenty of school left. If you go to school regularly for the rest of this year, that shows a lot of effort. I can see why it would be tempting to wag, but the more you do it, the more you'll regret it in the future. If you keep going to school regularly, your future self will be glad that you did. It may seem like the end because of your past mistakes, but it's really not. You're still super young and you're school years don't affect your future as much as you would think, but it's still good to try to get the most out of school plus, it will make you feel better in the end if you get back into the swing of things. It will make you proud of yourself.

Can I ask if you see a therapist about your psychosis? It's important to get professional help for it. It makes a big difference.  

[Roses_191]

Hi thankyoy for replying, I am seeing cymhs and I have a doctor, speech therapist and a case manager. I also just want to say that I waged school a couple of years ago but I dont do it anymore and the reason that my school is trying to kick me out is because I need too much help, but i process things slowly. The schoop said that if they help me to do a certificate, when the boss sees me do badly at school, the person's going to ask where I got qualified from, and if i tell them they will look down on the school. They are discriminating me, but when I go to the meeting im going to fight for my education. 

[Earth Girl]

I'm sorry that your school is trying to kick you out for that reason and I'm also really sorry that they are discriminating against you. I'm surprised they said that to you. It's very unprofessional and a bit insensitive of them. 

I don't think your future boss would actually ask that, but even if they do, on your resume, you could write that you identify as a person with a disability, that way, if your boss is more understanding than your school, they should be able to see it through your point of view and know that you'd do your best at your job and be nice to the people there which in my opinion are the most important things for an employee to do. 

It's strange to me that your school cares so much about their reputation that they would say that to you, especially since you have a disability. Can I ask if you go to a private school or something like that? Do you think you might like to go to a different school if you can?

I didn't do well in most of my classes, but I've never had a school tell me that they were worried that people would look down on the school because of me. They cared about my future and how I was doing emotionally. It's sad to me that some schools care more about their reputation than their student's well-being because the whole reason why we have schools is to help students. 

[Roses_191]

I agree with everything you said, the schools are meant to help, but the school dosen't want to. I go to a special school for people with people that have learning difficulties who have disadvangages like a hearing loss or people that have missed school.

[Roses_191]

I was meant to say its a school where people with learning difficulties go who have disadvantages not for people with people 

[Roses_191]

I just went through psychosis again! I thought all this time for the last seven weeks I had a two hour break between my classes, but it actually ended up being 3 hours! My mum says my brain is bullshitting! Anyways my mum says I have to be picked up and then dropped off during that time as I can't be left on my own because people with psychosis get brain malfunctions at any time and can't defend themselves because of it. 

[ViolettaZ]

Hi roses,

It’s frustrating to have that period of time in between classes. Has your mental illness been formally diagnosed? Based on what you described, it sounds more like time blindness rather than the “brain malfunctions” your mother mentioned, and you didn’t describe any behavior that suggests you’re unable to protect yourself.

Your mum might be a bit overly strict or jumping to conclusions, but she may also be genuinely worried about your safety.

What do you think about the situation? Do you feel able to handle that time on your own, or do you think having someone check in on you during that time might actually help right now?

Warm regards🤗

ViolettaZ