Broken

[I_need_help]

I'm sick of being broken.

I'm sick of not finding joy in life anymore and feeling that everything is broken and I just have nothing left and I don't know why I deserve this. Everything. Why does my dad have to be a depressed alcoholic, why did my grandma have to die and why do I have to deal with so many things and not being able to fix any of them.

and I'm sick of seeking help and people telling me to go to 'headspace' or 'see someone' because that won't help me and it won't help my dead grandmother and it won't help my dad and it won't help anything and it won't help my life and my dramatic weightless and lack of concentration and loss of everything I used to love and being knocked done continuously and I'm just so tired and broken and this won't get better and I'm just so broken.

im 14.


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[I_need_help]

I would give you tips! But I don't really deal with school too well either 😞

[My_boy]

Sorry to hear that. Well I thought it was worth it to ask. 🙂 

actually its a good thing to be able to ask for help, etc when you're not sure of something. I always remember that funny saying by a guy called Yogi Berra - " if you don't know where you're going, you might just end up there.".  

How have you been these last few days? Have you given anymore thought to how you will try n get some help? You shouldn't have to deal with all this stuff by yourself at 14, it's not fair. I'm an adult n I could not have begun to deal with my sons issues all alone. It's not easy to reach out for help, I felt a bit embarrassed at first, but it was the best thing I did. 

If you feel like telling more about your stories n feelings, it's safe to do so here at beyond blue. No one will judge you. Everyone is here because they want to find solutions or offer possible solutions. Anyway I really hope you feel better soon

regards,

[geoff]

dear I need help, I am sorry for missing your post, as so many go through without me even knowing, but when you get involved in replying to several posts this is easy to do, but it does upset me when an adolescent is depressed, because it can make their ageing to always be one step behind those that don't.

The support has been great by so many wonderful people and I can see that your attitude has slightly changed from 4 days ago when you posted your comment, so there's no need to repeat what they have had to say.

Maybe if I can explain why your father is doing what he is at the moment.

When depression has a grip on some people, and this included myself, they feel as though they need to self medicate, so they use alcohol, because it numbs them, and when I say 'them' this includes me, but there is a big problem that is caused by this, in that it alienates them from the rest of the family, possibly lose their job, and all they want to do is drink alcohol.

Well it was one reason that caused my wife to divorce me, and I was always sure that this wouldn't happen, but it did and this broke up the family.

Being 14 is an age where you maybe rejecting what your parents have to say, that's OK we all did, so that's why seeing and/or talking to an experience person seems like a good idea. Geoff.

[AGrace]

Hi I need help,

Sorry, that was a long space of time between this and the last post. I know it's difficult to imaging YOUR future which is why I want you to think big, go crazy, and imagine the future you WANT rather than the future you think you COULD have. Maybe you'd like to be a singer, or go to uni, meet a nice partner, have children, be free of depression etc.

So the small things I was talking about earlier...

I got myself a journal, (you can use the computer if preferred). I write every day. It doesn't matter what about: thoughts, feelings, hopes, experiences. I spend at least 1/2hr just writing non-stop. At the end of each 1/2hr I write down one positive thing. It might be something I'm grateful for, something I did, something I ate, something nice I read etc.

I also have an inspiration page. Take a piece of paper, and either some old magazines or some books. Cut out images that represent the future you want. Put this inspiration page up in your room, or if you'd prefer in your journal. I look at mine every day. (I've actually done this 6 times over the past 20years because my ideas and plans change).

I use positive affirmations - Gather one each day and say it to yourself the entire day - whether you believe it or not doesn't matter, this will come in time. There's a thread of positive affirmations on the forum here, or you can find them online.

Seek positive connections with people - If you have friends at school, that's great. If not will your parents allow you to do an extra curricular activity? Join a sport group, a book club, an art class - something you do/have/think you might find interesting.

There are some more tips available on my thread SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION (enter the heading into the search function, top right of the page).

Will you let me know if you are willing to try any of the above? I know it doesn't sound like anything significant, but remember little things all stacked up do turn into something big....and at least you don't have to go to headspace to do any of them:)

I'm guessing this might be your last week of school before the holidays begin. Perhaps you can start some of the above in your break?

Thinking of you, and sending you a virtual hug and smile.

AGrace

[I_need_help]

I just don't see why he needs to drink, he smokes 2 packets of cigarettes a day and it hurts me so badly because I love him when he's sober because he is so much like me and we have a connection, something that I don't have with anyone else and when he drinks he gets aggressive, he says really horrible things and changes to a different person completely and it's so hard because he makes me feel guilty when I want to leave basically to get away from me and I don't know

[I_need_help]

I'm okay, I'm just really tired of a lot of things and just exhausted.. Thankyou though..

[I_need_help]

Thankyou AGrace, I really appreciate it and I'll try those things... Thanks..

[My_boy]

Hi I need help. Thanks for sharing your situation. AGrace has given you some helpful tips n we all hope they help you a bit. 

I now see why you feel the way you do. Not only are you trying to manage your own depression but also deal with your Dad's and the side effects of it too. And you're doing that at 14. It sounds like you don't have any brothers n sisters to help and you're doing this all on your own. That's just not fair to expect you to handle all this alone. Really it's not. 

Have you managed to talk to anybody about your situation? Someone at beyondblue, or a relative or anyone? 

ive never had to deal with an alcoholic relative so I'm not sure of the best way that a 14 year old should deal with this situation with your Dad. What I do know is alcoholics generally deny they have a problem and get very defensive, if not aggressive if confronted by their drinking problem. 

Maybe some other posters here at BB who have had experience dealing with alcoholics can chime in with their thoughts on what a 14 year old should do in your situation with an alcoholic father? 

May I ask  - if you haven't directly asked anyone yet for help, what is the main thing that really stops you? If you have asked ppl directly for help what was their response? 

Also, anytime you just feel like venting off, or feel like chatting here, we are here to listen. 

Best regards , 

[My_boy]

Hi I need help. Hope you're doing ok these days. Take care,

🙂 

[geoff]

hi My boy, I have experienced both the drinking and trying to deal with someone else who was an alcoholic.

I have to be fair here and say to you if you haven't seen other posts regarding myself, and that's to recognise that I was an alcoholic when I was depressed, but now I am a social drinker, and your comment ' that they deny they have a problem and get very defensive' is certainly a valid point, as no one wants to be called an alcoholic, but I admitted that I was, there's no doubt about this.

First things first, but only until you accept the fact that you are an alcoholic can you realise that it is, and not maybe here, but understand that you need help, because if and when you just keep drinking and refuse the fact that you are one then nothing will happen, because to them they haven't got a problem.

I would be really interested in knowing what sort of discussions you have had with him, only when he's sober, and what he has said back to you, so I can continue on.

I do want to say to you that at your age it must be heart-breaking to try and understand what the hell is going on, so I hope that you can reply back. Geoff.