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[Jade12]

It's been a while since my last post. I am feeling really bad right now, and struggling so much. I feel unloved, worthless, and useless. I am constantly alone and dont have the opportunity to get out, because I dont yet have a licence. My boyfriend and only friend hardly ever wants to see me since he is so busy with uni. I too often sit alone in my room and turn all the lights off and cry. I am facing suicidal thoughts, and having previously self harmed I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel like the world would be better of without me because so many people in my life complain about everything I do, its as if effort does not matter its only if you do or dont succeed. I thought the world was a better place and I wish I could meet someone who could care for my existence because I feel like there is nothing in this road ahead, only pain and suffering. Each day is just the process of enduring more and more pain, eating away at you nerves, eating away at who you think you are, who you are and who you want to be. I dont what to do.   

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

 

[Jade12]

They just laughed, not the best but certainly not the worst outcome

[Neil_1]

Dear Love

Not the worst outcome!   But holy, how could they be so cold to you - I'm sorry, i perhaps shouldn't have written that, but you're in need of support and care and - yeah, I just wish there was something we could do to help you through this time.

Neil

[Jade12]

I am struggling to hold back the tears. People can be so cold, no one really understands how you're struggling they don't want to know. People seem to live in their own little world where they think everything is perfect and that what they do doesn't affect the people around them. Talking is really good, it helps a lot. Especially with someone who understands.

[Neil_1]

Hi Love,

There’s only genuine and concerned AND caring people here, who understand and who WILL listen.

Let fly – I feel you’ve got the need to vent.  We can take it – please let us know what’s happening?

Neil

[Jade12]

Well I don't even know where to start. I don't want you guys to have to listen to this, I don't want to be selfish and ask for help. But yeah I have had a bit of a struggle lately and I feel there is no one there for me. A few weeks ago my cousin commited suicide, and that has all its complications in its own right. A week before I ended up in hospital for the same thing. Everyone just laughs at me and doesn't offer support. I have no friends and the ones I do are never there for me even though they say they will be. The trip tothe hospital meant I didn't go to hockey which my coach just yelled at me for. And accused me of all this crap. Then she told another person who 1 hour later yelled at me. All the girls in my hockey team are nasty . I just lost an essay I'd spent 8 hours working on. And I got a C minus for getting 78%. It seems nothing I do turns out right. It, kt would just be nice if someone would actually be there for me. Rather than fakely being there for me. Or saying they will. But actually be being there for me.  

[Jade12]

Thankyou for being really nice to me Neil you are the best friend I've ever had. 

[Neil_1]

Dear Love,

(Firstly, oh WOW, I'm blown away by your most recent post.  I'm not sure what to say, but "Thank You".  That really means a lot to me.)

Now, here's my response to your post before that other lovely one you've just supplied.

That’s what this site IS for – to let fly and vent and to ask for help.  And in no way is that being selfish – this is YOU we’re talking about.

Yes, the situation with your cousin would be difficult enough on its own, let alone you having to face other issues on top of that.  I do hope you are going ok with that particular situation though.

The other issues you’ve raised are all troubling as well – and Love, I so wish that I “could” help you with these things.  But with what you’ve described I’m drawing a blank – and if you’ve seen some of my other posts, that’s not like me. 

I am just dumbfounded at the attitude of these people who you have had to deal with and it makes me angry to hear that you’re being treated this way.  It’s not right and it’s not fair to you. I cannot get over your coach yelling at your or that other person who did the same – flaming hell, don’t these people have an ounce of compassion inside them??   You were in hospital for goodness sakes!   I’m not angry at you Love, but these people!!!!!!!

I might not be all that gifted with school stuff – as I was never good at it – but you know, in my book, 78% is a bloody good score.

I do hope others chip in here as well – but please stay here with us for as long as you feel ok to do so – because I’ll always respond back to you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Mares73]

Dear Love I'm sorry it's been a while since I've written to you-I have no computer and am having to reply on my phone so forgive spelling. I'm so glad the wonderful Neil has kept in regular touch-he's one of a kind.  Now to you-my heart goes out to you Love, you've had such a rough time and I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your cousin and you must have deep grief about that. Hey did you ever get to look at the list of GPs on this site? You may remember I said they are highly trained in depression and it would be great if you could find one near you. I just don't like to think of you hurting, feeling alone with no support when a good GP May be able to help. I won't push you-of course the des ion is up to you. How are you feeling overall this week? Thinking of you, Lve Mares xxx

[Jade12]

Sorry, none of my posts are getting through

[Jade12]

Basically, thankyou 🙂